Originally published by Skylar in 2013 in Facebook notes, which Skylar does not understand nobody ever views:
The Perfect Omelette
I find myself in the kitchen today. The scene of many tragedies, but this time it will be different. I’m gonna make an omelette. Just an omelette. It’s so easy. People have been doing it for centuries. I think they found cave paintings of little cave people cooking little cave breakfasts. It should be instinctual. Plus I have a nonstick pan. It really shouldn’t be hard. I am a domestic goddess.
- Step 1: Research
Jamie Oliver makes the Perfect Omelette. Jamie Oliver makes the perfect man.
- Step 2: Buy the ingredients. I always do well on this part.
- Step 3: Preparation
I don’t have a cutting board, but I do have a table. Life finds a way.
Variety pack of cheese. WHO SAID COOKING ISN’T EXCITING. I FEEL ALIVE
FYI: I chose the pepper-jack.
Jeez I've been grating for like five minutes
Got bored with the pepperjack, switched to chedder. I have no idea what I'm doing.
Couldn't find the dish soap, so I used cetaphil to clean the dishes. The grater is now acne free.
The eggs. I added milk, not because I have any idea what it does, or why it's added, but because I saw someone do it once, and they seemed knowledgeable.
- Step 4: The actual cooking.
Added some butter to the pan.
Added some more butter to the pan.
Oh why not
Half the ingredients in the pan, half in ma mouth. Everything seems to be going well!
Ok, now I swirl the pan and everything should... just spin? It's just jiggling. Why is it just jiggling?
Oh god it's sticking. SWIRL HARDER.
AAAAHHH, IT'S NOT WORKING JUST ADD CHEESE AND HOPE FOR THE BEST.
AAAAAHHH
OH GOD WHY
The perfect omelette.
~It Just Gets Stranger
This is awesome. And you got scrambled eggs because you added milk.
ReplyDeleteTHE PERFECT MAN.
ReplyDeleteHaving all of the ingredients is key. I seem to be constantly googling substitutes for random ingredients because I try to only go to the store once a week or once every other week if I have successfully meal-planned/survived off random things in my pantry.
ReplyDeleteYep. All my omelettes end up as scrambled eggs with things in them. I believe actual omelette making involves witchcraft.
ReplyDeleteAnd that's how scrambled eggs were invented.
ReplyDeleteI think it looks delicious!
ReplyDeleteThis just passed up The 19 Steps To Building IKEA Furniture as Skylar's most important body of work.
ReplyDeleteWhat in the world is Facebook notes?
ReplyDeleteYou never add eggs to an omelette! That is a mistake!
ReplyDeleteOh, and basically Steps 1 through 4.
I'm so grateful to live in a time where people post things like this on the internet purely for my amusement. Haha!
1. You need to get a cutting board.
ReplyDelete2. You need to get dishwashing soap.
3. Most importantly, you need to get a live-in cook. (I volunteer!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyS_oRvR9D8 (audio only, sadly--I saw the musical on Broadway, it is even more ridiculous on stage than it sounds)
ReplyDeleteAdd milk for scrambled eggs. Add water for omelets. 1 tablespoon per egg. You are welcome.
ReplyDelete