Wednesday, July 18, 2012
High School Reunion
Next week is my 10 year high school reunion. I know. How the crap is Eli old enough to have a 10 year high school reunion?
I'll tell you how: I graduated in 2002. It's currently 2012. Take the square root, multiply, carry the one, BAM, 10 years.
What my former classmates have accomplished in 10 years: 26 babies each, a mortgage, a 401k (whatever that is!), and a seat on their respective city councils.
What I have accomplished in 10 years: watched all 5 seasons of Friday Night Lights, went to school for 6 trillion days, started puberty (I really think this it is this time!), and learned how to swim.
Other than the Friday Night Lights thing, I guess I don't have a lot to bring to the table next week.
Nonetheless, I plan to go. I thought about giving you a cliche post about how lame high school reunions are and how I have so moved beyond all of that (ironically, people who make a point to make this point rarely truly communicate that they are actually so beyond any of that). And it wouldn't really be true if I pretended like this is the most exciting thing that I've ever anticipated, so I won't go there either. But the hipster in me wants to be the first person ever to apathetically attend. So that's the plan.
Show up alone.
Wear something revealing.
And bring a large bag to take home food.
It will be like prom all over again.
All these thoughts of high school reunion have triggered major . . . um . . . what's that word that's like "nostalgia" only it makes you want to give yourself a lobotomy? Oh, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Why? I'll tell you. Eli ages 14-17 was not ready to be revealed to the rest of society. And yet, he was revealed. Major parenting fail on that one, Bob and Cathie. I insist on referring to adolescent Eli in the third person because I am concerned that you strangers will not fully capture just how extremely different this character was from me if I don't distance myself from him.
Think braces, freckles, gel-crusted part down the middle, 120 pounds, a consistently-worn sweat-band, and t-shirts with my name printed on the back. Add an air of confidence of being something much, much cooler.
And you have adolescent Eli.
It has been said that any time a person looks at a picture of me from Jr. prom, 75 friends immediately drop that person on Facebook. I have never verified this myself, as I have buried said pictures so deep under a pile of old papers that I have not even accidentally come across them since about 2003, way before Facebook. But that's how dorky I looked.
I will consider posting a few example pictures. But you're going to have to slip something into my drink first. Or bribe me.
OMG! Another prom flashback!
I'm not ashamed of who I was, nor am I really embarrassed. It's just strange to think that that person grew into me. Not that I think I'm the bomb.com now (do people still say that?). But compared to adolescent Eli, everyone is the Fonz.
Now I'll head on back to reminisce about the "glory" days. I would show up wearing something cool from that time. But I'm not really the best person to ask about what was "cool" then (see prior several paragraphs).
Questions I need you to answer, please:
1. What even happens at high school reunions?
2. What if I'm the only one who shows up?
3. What kind of person should I pretend to have become?
4. Should I get a spray tan next week?
5. Does this outfit accentuate my back fat?
So much uncertainty. So little time.
I wonder if I can get the Queen of Colors to go as my date . . .
~It Just Gets Stranger
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Just go rent "Romie and Michelle's High School Reunion". Just do what they do and you'll have a big dance scene at the end and then fly off in a helicopter. Trust me.
ReplyDeletePS: 1. I don't know I never go
ReplyDelete2. nobody will know then
3. Romie and/or Michelle
4. Why don't you currently have one??
5. Always assume yes and then go for a 15 mile run.
Did you get fat? If not, you're going to stick out like a sore thumb.
ReplyDeleteI've never been to a high school reunion, so I can't say what goes on there. I assume every one eventually divides up into the same cliques they did back then, minus actually tossing that one kid (man, now) off the top of the bleachers. Or maybe that does happen. I don't know.
ReplyDeletePretend to be an attorney-at-law with high-ranking international posts. They'll roll their eyes and say "yeah sure and I run the counter at the local Big Bob's Burgers. Everybody has dreams..."
However, I in no way believe you looked like that in school. Without photographic proof, I have no choice but to believe you were a bronzed surfer-god type (in Utah) that the girls were stunned by and the teachers were willing to lose their jobs for. Really, I have no choice.
1. It's like walking back into the past. Remember all those cliques that existed then... guess what... everyone will reassemble those cliques as soon as they walk in the door. It's just the way we are wired as humans. We will hang out with those we feel safe with and with those we already know, rarely stepping out of the box.
ReplyDelete2. If you're the only one who shows up, enjoy the food and leave.
3. Don't pretend to be anything you're not... unless it's just to have a little bit of fun before you reveal the truth. Somebody will find out the truth and reveal your dirty laundry. Laundry with skid marks is always embarrassing. I have friends when I attended my reunion who are teachers, park authority security, and stay at home mommies. I on the other hand was in a rare group. My life is half-arse backwards. Joined the Corps, got medically separated for PTSD, then went to get my BS in Psych. When I attended... I was "still in college."
4. Depending on when your reunion is, plan ahead on your spray tan. The last thing you want to do is walk in looking like a carrot... if they still make you look orange that is.
5. Considering you have no pictures of your outfit... I can only say this: from your snuggie/ironman pictures, you look like a slender guy. Unless you are wearing a full body suit (morphsuit) or any other kind of spandex, I don't think any thing will accentuate your back fat.
(Sorry I don't know you, just count me as another stranger.)
ReplyDeleteWent to my 10 year two years ago. Greatest thing that occurred was as soon as I arrived this woman I have NEVER seen comes up to me quite excited. Gives me a big hug and we start talking about what we've done since high school. Just the typical 26 kids, city council stuff.
After she unglues from me I find another friend to ask them who she was. They have no idea. But they do know she was was saying to a few people "Aren't you so excited that Rachel Packard is coming?" So at least she thinks she knows me. She also jumped into a picture one of my good friends and I were taking. That was fun.
Now we are friends on facebook, and I would be worried except she only commented on everything I did for about a month. Now I just go through her pictures occasionally trying to figure out how she knows me.
Hmmm...now you're about to find out how old we really are. We went to both our 10 year reunions. I was pregnant with our daughter at the husband's reunion. We went to the evening dinner that was held in the ballroom of a hotel. Unlike here in Utah, they still allow smoking in their buildings. GAG! It didn't take long for the whole room to be full of thick smoke...all because 10% of the people there decided to light up. I ended up in the bathroom puking before it was over...along with about 10 other pregnant women who were likewise doing the same thing.
ReplyDeleteAt my 10 year, the husband met an old pre-mish college flame of mine who ended up marrying someone I went to high school with. Old flame spent the ENTIRE night trying to sell high speed internet access to husband. I counted a lot of blessings that I didn't marry said ex-flame myself. A couple weeks later, husband attended a business conference that involved a golf tournament. There were hundreds of people there, all playing 4 man scramble golf. Of all the luck, husband ended up on same 4 man team as ex-flame who was also at the conference. Husband wanted to strangle said person by the 4th hole. Hubs called me for support and I couldn't stop laughing...and counting blessings.
Some other interesting things at 10...someone I'd hung out with in high school but hadn't seen or heard from since brought her girlfriend as her date and they couldn't keep their hands off each other. Something else I found really interesting was that most of the boys had actually grown up and become pretty descent, successful, responsible human beings (as opposed to the drug induced partyholic zombies they had been in high school.) Many had done the mish thing and you could tell that experience had made a profound impact on their lives. The girls on the other hand...many of whom had previously walked the straight and narrow and had once had some semblance of standards, were now loosey gooseys. Many had been married and divorced and were now on marriage 2 or 3. Many were just plain divorced and now hated men...unless they could flirt with them. And yes, people still congregated in their same old clicks...mostly.
We actually went to our 20 year reunions as well. This time for several practical reasons, we only went to the family picnic in the park portions. I have to say, 20 was way more fun than 10. No one cared anymore who was fat or bald...because we all are. We were also all actually bonafied adults now. Some came with tiny babies, others were sending kids off to college, and there were lots of kids in between. Old friendships were still there, but the cliques were not. For both of us, at both our reunions, it was very pleasant to catch up with people...all people...including those we were only acquaintances with previously. In both cases, we found out we now have a lot in common with people we barely knew before and it's ok to actually be friends with each other. It was also a lot of fun to see where life had really taken people...and how their experiences had made them really interesting people to talk to.
I don't know. I'd really talk up the whole learning to swim thing.
ReplyDeleteI'm only five years out of high school, so reunions are still things that happen to old people, not a young early-20-something such as myself (ignore the fact this year I will hit mid-20-something).
ReplyDeleteThe thought of a high school reunion sounds terrible though, because apparently everyone I went to high school with popped out babies immediately and still hang out with all the same people. Apparently I'm a freak of nature who has one college degree and is working on number two. I'm not even from a small town, so I just don't understand this mentality of not wanting to move forward.
Anyway, you have plenty to brag about at your reunion Eli: plenty of worldly travels and experiences, a new job in a fancy-pants-exotic location, your participation in an iron man, your presence on the blogosphere, and of course Fortify. What more could you ask for?
Um.... you go and find out that.... duh, duh, dun.... you are all normal and boring. And just how it should be.
ReplyDeleteI advise you to hire two tall, muscular men donning black suits and ties, and have them follow you around everywhere without saying a word to anyone for no explicable reason. You should also rent a limousine, keeping with the prom theme.
ReplyDeleteSix years ago, I purposely did not attend said "10 year reunion"..and now that facebook had granted my the ability to verify that I am one of the 6 people who actually look better than I did in high school...I am marginally tempted to attend the 20 year. For obvious reasons. lol ;)
ReplyDeleteYou should literally show up dressed as the Fonz.
ReplyDeleteYou should go dressed in Larry. It will be comforting. And warm!
ReplyDeleteyou know, there's a good chance your classmates stalk your blog...
ReplyDeleteThat could really foil my "pretend to be a movie star" plan.
DeleteI didn't go to my 10 year a couple of years ago...not because "I'm so over it," but because I just couldn't make myself care. I really liked high school while I was there, but I didn't want to go back, and I had heard that the 10 year is pretty much "going back." No thank you.
ReplyDeleteAnother reason I didn't go is because I wasn't married (still not, but that's neither here nor there), and there are only a small handful of gals from my school not married...and some of them are not married for a very good reason (e.i., live at home, don't have jobs, have never moved on beyond high school, etc.), and although I'm hygienic AND I've got a stellar career, I didn't want to be clumped with the other singletons.
ALSO: I was actually in my hometown the weekend of said reunion, and made the mistake of telling facebook, "Hello, [hometown]!" I got a bunch of scolding remarks, telling me I should be at the reunion. -I was in hometown that weekend because I had a brand new nephew I met and snuggled. I still think I made the right decision. :)
I expect a lengthy update, once your reunion has come to pass.
Also, if you really were the weenie you described up above, your classmates should be pleasantly surprised with what a killer you've turned out to be, right? ;)
1. What even happens at high school reunions?
ReplyDeleteHopefully not a repeat of Psych… you know the one where the popular-quaterback-cheerleader-married-have-three-perfect-kids end up being the murderers…
2. What if I'm the only one who shows up?
Count your blessings, cause you don't have to talk to anyone, but I'm taking the introvert point of view here.
3. What kind of person should I pretend to have become?
From what I've read you have some pretty great stories, when I attended my fathers reunion, he just went on and on about his trips to Europe, and everyone loved him (though he was a jock so everyone liked him in the first place).
4. Should I get a spray tan next week?
That my friend is an excellent question, I think we can all stand to be a little tanner, but you definitely don't want to look like a carrot...
5. Does this outfit accentuate my back fat?
Do you really want me to answer the question?
Much like you though, I'm not a big fan of the idea of a high school reunion, but entirely intrigued. I was the resident awkward kid, but I kind of figured that was the case cause I'm an introvert, and LDS. Plus I thought it was more important to study during the weekend than watch all of my friends get drunk (you know since I didn't grow up in Utah)… I just hope when my ten-year rolls along, I'll at least have a little something to brag about; other than the fact I grew out of my awkward… though I still haven't learned to swim well, (your not entirely alone… well at least on the whole prolonging the lessons.)
I love that you mentioned Psych, and at the beginning of your comment too! Can we be soul sisters please? I'll share my cat with you. Just one, the other one is mean and you don't want her, no matter how cute she seems. You're welcome.
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ReplyDeleteRather than spend $60 to attend my 10 year high school reunion, my friends and I just snuck in. Which was a pretty fair representation of my entire high school experience.
ReplyDeleteYou could be the one person who goes and tells everyone off! Someone HAS to do it at every reunion. It's like a law.
ReplyDeleteI will be at that reunion, and will be so interested to see how much you have actually changed. See you there!
ReplyDelete10 isn't bad, but 20 is better. Go anyway. You'll have something to compare 20 to.
ReplyDeleteI agree. I actually really loved my 20. 10 was ok, but a little awkward.
DeleteWell you could always go have people sign your yearbook who you missed last time.
ReplyDeletePlease do a post about it afterward. I have very little desire to go to mine (everyone I want to keep in touch with I already keep in touch with; I don't really want to pretend that I care what other people I never talked to are doing). If you have a fun experience, though, perhaps it would change my mind.
ReplyDeleteELI...so glad you went to the reunion and got to see you. Sooooo Funny. I've read every post to this point. you must do one on the reunion.
ReplyDelete