Grandma Georgia Emails

Today's edition of the Jolyn files is a very dramatic email chain she started under the Alias "Grandma Georgia" last December. I had received a number of very odd emails already (mostly from Jolyn) to the Stranger email account and was having a hard time knowing how to handle them. Jolyn didn't confess that she was Grandma Georgia all along until right before I moved to Palau in October. For about 9 months I felt anxiety over how this all turned out.

There are a few different people emailing back and forth in this chain, since I repeatedly asked Jolyn and Jen for advice on how to respond to Grandma Georgia. So pay attention to the "From" and "To" on the email headers.

From: Georgia

To: Eli (Stranger Account)
Subject: Granddaughter Alice

Hi Eli,

I'm writing on behalf of my lovely granddaughter, Alice. She has been on your fan band wagon for a few weeks and follows your blog and the comments religiously. She has been wanting to email and start a conversation with you but she's just too shy and usually only talks to me or her cat. But I say there's no time like the present! So I decided to go ahead and do it for her!

 

She's a sweet girl. She's 18, studying English at UCLA, loves literature and writing poetry. She has quite a good eye for good writing (take that as a compliment!). She's quiet, but definitely opinionated. And is a fantastic bowler! I know she would love to go out with you, maybe a friendly bowl and some ice cream. If you're interested you can call her at 801-372-0711. I'll tell her I sent you her number so she should be expecting your call!

Kindest Regards,

Georgia

From: Eli

To: Jolyn, Jen
Subject: Fwd: Granddaughter Alice

What the CRAP!!!! I love that this one doesn't even come with a last name! What am I supposed to do with these???

 

From: Jen

To: Jolyn, Eli
Subject: Re: Fwd: Granddaughter Alice

HAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh my GOSH! I would be so mad at my grandma if she ever did this to me. Hahahaha! I don't know! Maybe you should tell them you're unavailable and that you are dating Jane now or something. Or say something like, "Due to the high volume of emails, Eli will not be able to respond to each one. Thank you for supporting It Just Gets Stranger!"

 

From: Jolyn

To: Jen, Eli
Subject: Re: Fwd: Granddaughter Alice

Eli, you just need to be really clear with her and try not to hurt her feelings. Imagine if this was your grandma. Just tell her that you would be interested but that you live in Salt Lake so it's not really feasible. I'm sure that will take care of it.

 

From: Eli

To: Georgia
Subject: Granddaughter Alice

Hi there Georgia,

That is so flattering and sweet of you to email me about your granddaughter. She sounds like a very good girl. I'm actually living all the way in Salt Lake City so unfortunately I don't think I can go out with Alice, but just wanted to let you know that I very much appreciate the thought.

Please tell Alice hello and a huge thanks for reading. I hope she is enjoying UCLA.

Best,

Eli

 

From: Georgia

To: Eli
Subject: Granddaughter Alice

Eli,

What a wonderful coincidence! Alice and I are driving up to Salt Lake City next weekend. I am so happy that you are interested and since we'll be in the area, we can set something up. I hope you don't mind if I come along as a chaperon. She's only 18 and we like to keep an eye on her ever since the crash.

Georgia

 

From: Eli

To: Jolyn, Jen
Subject: Fwd: Granddaughter Alice

Jolyn! I did what you said and I think things are worse now!!! What am I supposed to do!? I don't want to offend them but I also don't want to lie!

 

From: Jolyn

To: Jen, Eli
Subject: Re: Fwd: Granddaughter Alice

Eli, I think at this point, lying is the only option. Just tell her that you're dating someone very seriously so you're not doing blind dates right now. She'll understand.

From: Eli

To: Georgia
Subject: Granddaughter Alice

Georgia,

That is quite the coincidence! I should have mentioned before that apart from living in separate states, I'm actually dating someone now and so I'm not really doing the blind date thing. Thank you so much for thinking of me though!

Eli

 

From: Georgia

To: Eli
Subject: Granddaughter Alice

Well that's interesting. There seemed to be no mention of you dating anyone on your blog and with all the comments from women wanting to date you I just assumed you must be single. I know your grandma McCann, and I called her this morning and she verified that you are, in fact, single. The only possible explanation is that you just aren't interested in Alice. My sincerest apologies! Really, I feel absolutely awful. But I hope the imaginary girlfriend is a wonderful lady and that you two are blessed with eternal happiness. I will pass this information to my granddaughter.

Regards,

Georgia

 

From: Eli

To: Jolyn, Jen
Subject: Fwd: Granddaughter Alice

Guys!!! WHAT THE CRAP!?! What am I supposed to do now!? I've now lied to and offended this poor older lady! I can't just not respond to this!

 

From: Jolyn

To: Jen, Eli
Subject: Re: Fwd: Granddaughter Alice

Eli! You have made a mess out of this! I am removing you from email duties with Georgia. I'm going to sign onto the email account and respond to her right now and take care of this once and for all.

 

From: Eli

To: Jolyn, Jen
Subject: Fwd: Granddaughter Alice

Thanks, Jolyn. I should have probably let you respond from the beginning.

 

From: Jolyn (emailing as "Eli")

To: Georgia
Subject: Granddaughter Alice

GO TO HELL GRANDMA GEORGIA! DON'T EMAIL US AGAIN ABOUT YOUR UGLY GRANDDAUGHTER THAT CAN'T GET DATES ON HER OWN!!!

From: Eli

To: Jolyn, Jen
Subject: Fwd: Granddaughter Alice

What the crap Jolyn!? That's not at all funny! Why would you do that?! I seriously canNOT believe you just did that!!!

From: Jolyn

To: Jen, Eli
Subject: Re: Fwd: Granddaughter Alice

Sometimes you have to be blunt to get people to leave you alone. Sorry. Maybe that was a little too strong.

From: Eli

To: Georgia
Subject: Granddaughter Alice

Georgia,

I am so sorry about that email. Someone hacked into my email account and sent that. I assure you that email did not come from me. I sincerely apologize for our miscommunication. I really do think Alice sounds like a very nice young lady and did not mean to offend you in any way.

Eli

__________________________________

9 Months Later . . .

 

From: Eli

To: Jolyn, Jen
Subject: Fwd: Granddaughter Alice

Jolyn came clean this weekend that she is Grandma Georgia. I'm going to kill something.

 

From: Jen

To: Jolyn, Eli
Subject: Re: Fwd: Granddaughter Alice

Hahahahaha I know!! She told me yesterday that she came clean, as if I already knew she was Georgia, but I totally didn't. I had a good laugh about that one. Hahahaha.

From: Jolyn

To: Jen, Eli
Subject: Re: Fwd: Granddaughter Alice

This is one of my proudest achievements.

Remember how you LIED to a grandma??

 

Jolyn with Richard Simmons. This picture explains exactly every reason why Jolyn and I are friends. And why she terrifies me.

~It Just Gets Stranger