Note: Boy 1 in this conversation is the most pure and adorable child I have ever seen (and he looks like he's about 10 years old).
Part II of a Conversation with Teenage Boys about Chastity:
Boy 1: Brother Eli, I have to tell you what happened on Sunday RIGHT after church.
Eli: Yeah? What happened?
Boy 2: He broke the chastity all day.
Eli: WHAT?!
Boy 1: [nodding] And boy 2 tried to stop me because I'm only barely 14 and the girl is 17.
Eli: I . . . uh . . . would you like . . . to talk about it?
Boy 1: We went to a girl's house and then everybody is falling asleep but me and her. And that's when we started . . . [raising eyebrows, looking around, and whispering] DOING IT.
Eli: OH MY GOSH I AM SO ILL PREPARED FOR THIS!
Boy 2: I knew what they were doing so I yelled at her that he is only 14 and what is she doing because she is 17!
Boy 1: But we were doing it for a while before anyone tried to stop us. It was my first time in my whole life doing it. And brother Eli? I kind of liked it.
Eli: Uh . . . so when you say "doing it," what do you mean?
Boy 1: Like, the kissing stuff. We kissed on the lips three times for one second.
Eli: OhthankthegoodLord.
Boy 1: But my guilt temptated me so I decided we shouldn't kiss anymore.
Eli: Ok. It's good to set boundaries for yourself . . . and . . . [a string of other things Bob and Cathie have said].
Boy 1: Then I went back the next day to tell her about chastity like we talked at church and I told her all the words like fornication and whore and the other words I saw when I looked up chastity in the Bible.
Eli: Wait. What? What did you tell her?
Boy 1: I told her that there's chastity and I don't want to be fornication and whore and intercourse and pornomography.
Eli: I honestly can't decide right now whether or not I'm doing a good job here . . .
Boy 1: It will be so hard though. Because my soul wants love and the chastity but it can't be both.
Eli: Preach, brother.
~It Just Gets Stranger
You're a gem of a person, Eli McCann. Blessings upon your head.
ReplyDeleteI love that "My soul wants love and chastity, but it can't have both" hahaha I'm using that line in the future.
ReplyDeleteThat seriously might be the best and most true line ever written on Stranger! I feel like I need to print it out and put it up somewhere.
DeleteOn wooden blocks that you can arrange to say stuff?
DeleteOr on a snuggie
DeleteOr embroidered on a snuggie. Or in vinyl right above your bed. Or your couch. Or both. OR Maybe in your kitchen, right above the table. hehehe.
DeleteEli, they might be confused, but I think you must be doing a pretty good job with those kids. Thanks for the effort and example.
ReplyDeleteYou should really send this into the ensign. I mean so many could take advice from your sex talk skills. In fact, can I hire you to talk about it with my boys?
ReplyDeleteNo problem! Be warned: I usually scream the word "gross" every time someone says anything even remotely sexual (and then I google what they said to find out what it means).
DeleteHa ha-- I can see it now!! "On a tiny tropical island in the western Pacific, LDS youth find themselves perplexed by the law of chastity. Confused and bewildered, they turn to their Young Mens President for guidance." With a photo of Eli wearing THAT SHIRT.
DeleteThey could use it to teach YM Presidencies.
This just might be your best post yet!
Ha! Same thing here! Scream or mumble gross when anyone says anything to do with that stuff and then I google it.
Delete"My soul wants love and the chastity but it can't be both" For this, I would like to officially award sweet Palauan Boy 1 a "Tellin' It Like It Is" Award.
ReplyDeleteDo I hear a second on this?
DeleteI second it
DeleteMotion is granted. Palauan Boy 1 will be granted a Tellin' It Like It Is award.
DeleteIt's not on the list, yet. Get crackin', Eli.
DeleteOMG OMG OMG. I. LOVE. THIS!!!!! Once again, laughing at work :-)
ReplyDeleteI agree, I think they're rather confused... but that sure was funny!
ReplyDeleteI do realize this isn't meant to be anything more than a funny anecdote about young boys who don't know any better, but that's kind of my problem with it. When you teach teenagers that abstinence is the only option, they quite literally don't know what that means in a physical sense. It creates all this confusion about what is allowed and what isn't. What sex is and what it isn't. And then they don't know how to protect themselves- even from the things they ARE allowed to do.
ReplyDeleteI certainly don't agree with the idea that chastity is necessary, but I'm not trying to debate that here, where I'm sure I'll be in the minority anyway. My point is that if you really want these kids to have the means and information to protect themselves and do the right thing, you have to be willing to actually explain it to them, using grown up words. Sex is when you put a penis in a vagina, etc. Give them actual guidelines and understanding, so they don't irrationally think God will be mad at them for kissing a teenaged girl.
I don't think it's Eli's responsibility to explain the logistics to them. I'd be seriously ticked if anyone started explaining it to my kids. He's trying to give them guidance and be a confidant, not give them a history lesson.
DeleteHealth lesson. Sorry. Brain isn't awake yet.
DeleteIt could be taught as a history lesson.
DeleteYou mean Should be.
DeleteI agree with Megan. In no way is it Eli's responsibility to teach those kids about the logistics of sex. That responsibility lies with their parents. I too would be furious if my children came home from church telling me that their leader gave them that talk. Eli's responsibility as their church leader is to try and guide them in the right direction.
DeleteChastity is very necessary. Just take a look at the world around you and it's plain as day that Chastity is absolutely necessary.
What I don't agree with is people making sex sound bad and evil. Sex is beautiful, fun, and amazing. It is also a sacred act between a man and a woman inside the bounds of marriage. We need to teach our children that. But also teach them the consequences of sex. Like STD's and pregnancies. I personally know a whole slew of people running around with STD's. Look at the number of teen pregnancies. Little girls at the age of 14 aren't emotionally ready or stable to be mothers. And once you have an STD, it will forever change your life and not in a good way.
They do need know that God won't be mad at them for kissing a girl. They also need to know that should they make a mistake, there is a pathway for repentance and forgiveness. They need to know and understand God's love for them. God loves the sinner, but hates the sin. But most importantly, they need to know that there is a VERY good reason God has instituted the law of Chastity. He didn't do it just to "rain on our parades". Teenage boys and girls just aren't emotionally or mentally ready for the consequences that come from a sexually active life. I wish the world would wake up to that realization. But sadly I hear that children as young as 10 are becoming sexually active. And you can trace society's problems back to the break down of the family.
How in the world can you expect a little 14-year-old girl to care for and raise a child when she herself is a child? What about her schooling, getting a good education, finishing high school? What about a job and means to financially raise and support that child? What about all of the fun teen age things she should be able to do? Becoming sexually active at that young age will forever change her life and not in a good way. Yes, she could certainly give the baby up for adoption but that takes it's own emotional toll. And really what does it teach? It's okay to have sex, get pregnant, and give it away? Where does it teach responsibility for one's actions? And abortion, don't EVEN get me started on that. I'm a mother of four and abortion should NEVER be the answer. I miscarried once and it was one of the worst emotional traumas of my life. Again, by allowing these young girls to get abortions what lesson is it teaching them? That life can be thrown away at a whim? That life is worth nothing? That the life of the unborn child is of no value? That life is as disposable as a used Kleenex? It's okay to get my physical gratifications, I can always dispose of the baby? Having my physical gratifications is of more value than the miracle of life? We can't kill whales but we can certainly kill an unborn child. What kind of lessons are we teaching our children when we teach them that Chastity is unnecessary?? I fear for society if that is the attitude we are taking upon us.
I will get off my soap box now.
Chastity - the most unnatural of all the sexual perversions.
DeleteAldous Huxley
"Chastity - the most unnatural of all the sexual perversions.
DeleteAldous Huxley"
Bravo!
So if Chastity is the most unnatural of all the sexual perversions, what does that make child molesting, incest, rape, and/or sodomy?
DeleteI did not mean that it is Eli's responsibility, specifically. I meant that I believe adults need to be able to have meaningful conversations with their kids about these kinds of things. I know many people who grew up in religious environments (not Mormons though) who did not get any information about sex at all, ever. They were simply told "this is wrong, don't do it or you will go to hell". My problem isn't with anyone instilling their beliefs in their children, my problem is when that belief is that sex is an absolutely closed topic that no one ever talks about.
DeleteJaclyn that makes sense. But as far as I know those aren't Eli's kids. Maybe you should write a letter to their parents.
DeleteHaha, I get to give this lesson to our young women this week! :-D Super looking forward to it.
ReplyDeleteEli: Uh . . . so when you say "doing it," what do you mean?
ReplyDeleteBoy 1: Like, the kissing stuff. We kissed on the lips three times for one second.
Eli: OhthankthegoodLord.
^SO funny! you can practically hear the RELIEF in your answer! LOL
I wish kids were that innocent in the states!
ReplyDeleteAMEN!
DeleteI second that!
DeleteLOL This IS the best post EVER!!!!!
ReplyDeleteRule #1: Only kiss standing up.
ReplyDeleteRule #2: No leaning into or on each other.
Rule #3: No tongue.
Follow these rules and they will enjoy kissing without one thing leading to another, an STD, or a pregnancy...
"He broke the chastity all day" lolol. I think you are learning more than they are!
ReplyDeleteYou weren't nearly as uncomfortable asking me about it the first time you saw me after my honeymoon.
ReplyDeleteEli: "So, how's the sex?"
No way?!?
DeleteNo, I believe this. Eli...you horndog you. ;-)
Deletealthough in his defense...and from reading the last several posts about sex, I'm not sure what guidance Bob and Cathy provided to Eli growing up.
DeleteLol at David's comment. I believe it would be very unfair to judge Bob and Cathie's education to Eli based on the posts here considering Eli's sense of humor and writing style. I kind of imagine Bob and Cathie reading the stories and shaking their heads, sometimes in confusion and maybe even wondering what they could have possibly done wrong.
DeleteGross.
DeleteWhen we tried to talk to Eli about these (ahem) "things" he usually ran screaming from the room or rolled onto the floor face down and covered/plugged his ears...eyes shut of course - so he couldn't see us and read our lips! Everything he knows about this subject he probably learned from his three sisters, the Bingham High School Track team or some teeny bopper sitcom on television in the late 90s.
DeleteAnd rest assured he was taught well by his father while he was growing up and not with a candy bar! We used the "You Were Smaller than a Dot" book series. Very, very good!! We may need to send them to him for review.
We read every word he writes and yes, sometimes we shake our heads but we are always grinning or feeling things with him. So proud of our guy! Sex talk and all.
Cathie
XOXxoxoxoXo xoxo
When I tried to have "The Talk" with my daughter who was 13 at the time, she covered her ears, started to cry and screamed "Never talk to me about this again!" I can't wait to share this post with her!
DeleteYou need to have at least one more convo to try and clarify with this poor boy. Oh you're amazing.
ReplyDeleteAs the single girl in the YW presidency I get out of teaching those lessons. Also the ones on marriage. Being single totally wins. :) (please dom't tell my mom I said that!)
ReplyDeleteTHIS IS SO FUNNY!
ReplyDeleteA 14 year old guy making out with a 17 year old girl?! What a STUD! lol
ReplyDelete