PTA Emails

One Stranger, Cheryl, recently asked me to help inflict some pranking revenge against her sister, Tami. Apparently Tami spent the better part of her teen years convincing Cheryl that she had a secret admirer, writing notes to her and leaving Valentine cards. Cheryl found Stranger and the mommy blog a while back and asked me to email Tami, who, as luck would have it, is currently the PTA president in their hometown. I felt a little guilty throughout this one, but Tami was a good sport.

Names and other identifiers have been changed.

To: Tami
From: June Snapple
Subject: PTA

Hi Tami,

Your contact info was passed to me recently. I understand you are the current PTA president. I'm new in town and my children go to Q of C Elementary. I am very interested in becoming as involved in the PTA as possible. I have several ideas I would like to run by you at your earliest convenience.

June Snapple
Former PTA President


To: June Snapple
From: Tami
Subject: PTA

Welcome June! We are always looking for better parent involvement so it will be great to have you. I will keep you posted on upcoming meetings where you will have a chance to share some of your ideas. By the way, we have back to school fundraiser carnival next week and would love to have your volunteer support.


To: Tami
From: June Snapple
Subject: PTA

Tami,

One of my biggest concerns about PTA activities and meetings is the level of involvement in these kinds of programs from the families who live in the poorer neighborhoods. I know there is a serious disparity in our school district between the wealthy and the poor. I'm concerned, after having talked to some folks, that some of the children who are faced with this sort of disparity might be really uncomfortable. Is anything being done about this?

June


To: June Snapple
From: Tami
Subject: PTA

June,

That's a great thing to be considering and something we seek to pay close attention to. I think our community has done a great job at being sensitive to these kinds of things. We of course would love to hear any ideas that you have that you think might help us improve.

Tami


To: Tami
From: June Snapple
Subject: PTA

Tami,

Wonderful. I think one of the best things you could do would be to try to hold meetings and activities at expensive venues and charge a hefty entrance fee. This would earn money for the PTA and would also discourage poor families from attending. With fewer poor families attending and voicing their opinions, it will be easier for us to pass initiatives that will protect our children from the influence of the children who come from less affluent circumstances. How would the PTA feel about mandating that all members pass some kind of hygiene test?

June


To: June Snapple
From: Tami
Subject: PTA

June,

I'm flabbergasted. You want to discourage people from participating in the PTA based on their income levels? Children from all sorts of circumstances attend our schools and we need to do our best to help everyone get the support they need.

Tami


To: Tami
From June Snapple
Subject: PTA

I totally agree with you. It is just wrong. But I don't think we can immediately propose an initiative that will redraw the school boundaries to cut the poor families out of our schools. So we need to start by slowly driving them away. I'm really glad that you are taking this problem seriously.

I actually have a great contact at the Trenton Times who has been looking to do an article on this sort of thing for a while. I think he could really help us raise awareness about the issue. I'll shoot him an email now and cc you on it.


To: Eli, Tami
From: June Snapple
Subject: The Poor Problem

Eli,

Long time no see! How are the girls? I was sorry to hear about you and Grace. Between you and me, I never liked her much and think she really deserved what she got.

Eli, I have included on this email my good friend Tami, who is a PTA president in town. She and I have been discussing the problem of having the poor children attend school with the children who come from hard-working families and we both really think that this is the time to start getting the ball rolling on some initiatives that could help us protect our children from the effects of further decay. Would you be interested in doing a story for us in the Times? I think you could really help get the word out.

June


To: June, Tami
From: Eli
Subject: The Poor Problem

June,

Great to hear from you. The girls are great. After Grace found out about them and accused me of being "unfaithful" things got a little rocky for a while. Fortunately her accident came before she was able to tarnish my reputation.

I would be very interested in doing that story. I'll start drafting something. Glad to see that we've finally got a PTA president on board.

Eli


To: Eli, June
From: Tami
Subject: The Poor Problem

Eli,

I am absolutely NOT on board with what was discussed. I do not believe that anyone should be supporting policies that will discriminate on the basis of wealth. I am appalled that anyone should be so cruel as to promote such ideas simply because there are indigent families sending kids to our schools. What's worse--what kind of message does that send to the children?

Tami


To: Tami, June
From: Eli
Subject: The Poor Problem

Great, Tami. Busy day. Just skimmed your email. But can I quote you for the article?

To: Eli, June

From: Tami

Subject: The Poor Problem

Please do.

To: Tami, June

From: Eli

Subject: The Poor Problem

Ok, Tami, so for your part I've got:

Current PTA president Tami Meyers, leading proponent of the Peel Away the Poverty campaign (PAP) had this to say about the current problems in the school district: "I am appalled that . . . there are indigent families sending kids to our schools. What's worse--what kind of message does that send to the children?" Tami further explained to the Times over coffee that she is "NOT on board" with any efforts to further integrate the social classes in the classroom. Tami has been working long and hard hours doing her best to protect upper-class children from the horrors of indigent life. Before leaving our meeting at a new high-end coffee shop near her home, Tami vowed once again to keep as many high schoolers that come from poor families from graduating as possible.

What do you guys think about this for a title: "Bringing CLASS Back to the Classroom?"

June, anything you would like to contribute before this goes to print this afternoon?

To: Eli, Tami

From: June

Subject: The Poor Problem

Just that I wholeheartedly agree with Tami and that I will support all of her efforts this year to stop kids who come from the lazy homes from spreading lice and illiteracy to the more entitled children. 

To: Eli, June

From: Tami

Subject: The Poor Problem

That is absolutely NOT what I said---That was taken completely out of context! I'm not sure if this is some kind of a joke but you will NOT print anything like that with my name attached to it! Eli, what is your contact number? I would like to speak with you and your supervisor ASAP. I am warning you that there will be repercussions if any of this goes to print.

To: Tami, June

From: Eli

Subject: The Poor Problem

Tami, I can change the part about the coffee shop if it's really that upsetting to you. I just thought the story would read better if it sounded like we actually met in person for it. Gosh. You're treating me like I'm a poor person.

My number is [Jolyn's Phone Number]. Please call me after midnight as I'm very busy during the day.

To: Eli, Tami

From: June

Subject: The Poor Problem

Seriously. Chill Tami.

[At this point Jolyn reportedly received about fifteen angry phone calls. Jolyn had no idea what this was about. Nevertheless, when she finally returned Tami's phone calls and heard Tami out, Jolyn explained with a chilling voice that Eli no longer works for the Times because he died five years ago. It was apparently around this time that Tami figured out what was going on.]

To: Eli, June

From: Tami

Subject: The Poor Problem

Cheryl will pay.

Nice one.

~It Just Gets Stranger