House Rules

First, an announcement. After a three or four month hiatus in which we didn't know whether we would ever be welcome again due to an inexcusable amount of talking about poop, The Porch has invited us back. I'll be telling a story this Thursday evening at Muse Music in Provo. You can find the link for tickets and other details here. The theme this time will be "Encounters with Strangers." As always, we are thrilled to go back to The Porch and hope to see some of you there.

A significant change has just occurred in my life. I sort of got a new roommate. I mentioned recently that Kurt moved away. About ten seconds later my friend Rebecca, who was living in my building, told me that her lease was ending in her apartment and that she needed a place to stay for one month until she moves to Paris. Rebecca and I went to law school together and have become particularly close friends since I moved into her building six months ago. She asked me if she could "crash" at my place temporarily, since I have an extra bedroom and since I'm desperate for company and attention.

I sort of thought she was joking. So it was easy to say yes. Then on Friday I came home and found woman things all over my apartment.

Rebecca demanded that our living situation be kept a secret because, "I really care about what other people think!" She was referring, of course, to her Mormon-typical conservative views on cohabitation. I told her I was not going to help her deceive the world and that I would be publicly referring to her staying at my place as "living in sin" from here on. This has caused a severe strain on our new roommateship, as Rebecca strongly prefers the title "living is social impropriety" to "living in sin."

Ultimately she gave in and told me she doesn't have the energy to live a life of secrets and lies and so has decided that she doesn't mind our living situation being made public.

Unfortunately for Rebecca, the following house rules, which were texted to her one by one, were voted upon by all people living in the apartment and they passed with a 2/3 majority (I have two votes and Rebecca has only one):

1. No judging Eli for what he is wearing/not wearing.

2. What happens in our apartment STAYS in our apartment.

3. Rule number 2 is so important that you should read it again.

4. No judging Eli's underwear.

5. Rebecca shall spend 20 minutes a day complimenting Eli on his hair.

6. Our living situation shall henceforth be referred to as "living in sin."

7. No photographing any suspicious behavior unless requested by the acting party.

8. No complaining about the house rules. (This rule came about after a complaint about the house rules)

9. No casually observing the length of the house rules. (This rule came about after a comment from Rebecca that what I had previously identified as a complaint was actually just an "observation" about the length of the house rules)

10. No judging Eli for what time he comes home from work.

11. Rebecca shall bring a bag of Cheerios or other like treats every Sunday to church for when Eli becomes disruptive.

It's nice to have someone around here again who knows how to laundry. Even if I am living sin.

Bob and Cathie would be rolling in their graves if they were dead.

~It Just Gets Stranger