Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over tonight?
Eli: Is it because my hair looks really good and you wanted to find out what product I use?
Cop: No.
Eli: Oh. Is it because you wanted to compliment me on my excellent driving skills?
Cop: Not exactly.
Eli: Because you have too many cookies in your car and you need to give some away before they go bad?
Cop: I pulled you over because you were going 67 in a 50. Is there any reason you were going 67 miles per hour when the speed limit is 50?
Eli: Ok, I can explain.
Cop: . . . yes? Go ahead.
Eli: Oh. I thought you were going to cut me off and not let me explain. I don't really have anything good to say.
Cop: Can I see your license and registration?
Eli: Well here's my license. And I know what you're going to say. "How are you almost THIRTY?!" Well I use this excellent eye cream and I also make sure to get plenty of sl--
Cop: Registration?
Eli: Oh. Ok. About that. I'm not totally sure what you mean when you say "registration."
Cop: What do you mean?
Eli: Just that. I don't know what "registration" is.
Cop: Sir, is this vehicle registered?
Eli: Eli.
Cop: Excuse me?
Eli: Oh you can call me Eli. You don't have to call me "sir" and I won't call you "ma'am." I think first names are much more appropriate in this situation.
Cop: Sir, is this vehicle registered?
Eli: Well I'm sure it is! That is, if it's supposed to be. I'm a very law-abiding citizen. Well, in your experience I'm not. So far our entire relationship is based on me breaking a law. Two laws if you consider the fact that I didn't use my blinker when I was pulled over. But you don't have to use the blinker when you get pulled over by a cop, right? Like, isn't this one of those "implied blinker" situations where you don't have to use it?
Cop: That's not a thing.
Eli: Oh . . . um. So to answer your question, I'm sure this vehicle is "registered."
Cop: Do you have proof of registration?
Eli: I'm sure I could get someone to testify on its behalf.
Cop: Maybe you should look in your glove box and see if the registration is in there.
Eli: Great idea! . . . Let's see . . . here's a receipt for 200 brownies I bought recently . . . and this looks like some photos my friend Jolyn and I had taken in a photo booth . . . Oh! Candy!
Cop: I just need the registration.
Eli: Ok. Here you go.
Cop: This is your insurance.
Eli: Oh. Sorry. Try this.
Cop: This is expired insurance.
Eli: Ok. How about this one?
Cop: More expired insurance.
Eli: Just to be clear, insurance and registration are not the same thing?
Cop: [sigh] wait here.
[Eli practices fake crying in the car but starts laughing within ten seconds every time and so decides to bag that plan. Then he practices saying "I AM the law!"]
Cop: Ok. I'm going to give you a citation for going five over.
Eli: Is this because of the registration thing?
Cop: No. This is because of the speeding thing.
Eli: Oh. Right. Speeding. So apparently I didn't need to have my registration?
Cop: Well actually I could give you a ticket for not having your registration but this experience has been so . . . interesting that I've decided to just let that one go.
Eli: Oh, yeah! I just remembered what I wanted to tell you! What did the policeman say to his bellybutton?
Cop: Excuse me?
Eli: You, sir, are under a vest! GET IT?! UNDER A VEST!!!
Cop: Maybe I should administer a sobriety test.
~It Just Gets Stranger
This. is. pure. gold!
ReplyDeleteAlright, Strangers, I think we should just go ahead and implement an emergency bail account for Eli. Everyone contribute $5. Someone pick a bank in Utah. Just in case.
ReplyDeleteim in :-)
DeleteI am in. Who should administer it? I am not sure I trust Daniel or Jolyn not to use the funds for shenanigans. Not sure on Cathie or Bob either. Rebecca has abandoned us. What do you all think of Disney Prince Hair Brandt?
DeleteYeah, it appears that Disney Prince Hair might be the most responsible person in Eli's life, currently. Maybe we should have a Stranger vote to determine who should be in charge of not only this, but the rest of Eli's life.
DeleteDisney Price Haie Bradnt is the way to go. I am not completely sure Bob and Cathy would bail him out. They would probably be kind of relieved, really. This could also be used, I imagine, for whatever legal trouble Eli would get into, should he actually run into Paul Simon. We could also use it to bail Daniel out of jail for snapping over laundry someday....
DeleteWe should just title it the "Stranger Relief Fund" to be used as the situation calls for it.
DeleteLove this thread! I vote that his sister Krishelle be in charge of the fund. Through various stalking methods I know she works at a bank (or at least used to) and she seems to be a respected voice of reason in his life.
DeleteWhy not just a paypal donation account? Maybe use kickstarter to get it off the ground with a base goal of a million dollars. Not sure that'll be enough if Paul Simon's involved though. I would trust Daniel with my cat, but D.P.H.B. completed the half Ironman, so I'm torn. I wonder if Trixy Meowman has any thoughts on this...
DeleteThis cop absolutely should have let you off after all of that incredible entertainment.
ReplyDeleteYou know that scene in Elf when he's at the doctors office and won't stop eating the cottonballs? I just pictured Eli in a big green Elf suit getting pulled over except he had MUCH better hair than Will Ferrell's. Obviously.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Thank you so much for this comparison!
DeleteYour registration is the thing that comes with the teeny tiny sticker that goes on your license plate. You should get it in the mail every year; save that piece of paper and put it in your glove box & put the sticker on your license plate.
ReplyDeleteThe more you know!
Thank you for posting this for Eli - in some states, you need not only "license" and "registration" but also "proof of insurance" as well, which we all now know Eli has! Half a win!
DeleteEli, Eli, Eli... how are you almost 30 and you don't know about car registration?
I am surprised you weren't "under a vest"
ReplyDeleteEli, you're a lawyer. You passed the bar. In all our one sided interactions, you seem to be a very smart guy. Shouldn't you know what your car registration is? :)
ReplyDelete1. I know this is a fantasy of yours, because if you had said all of that, I do believe you'd be where the inter-web don't shine.
ReplyDelete2. Eli's dad knows where the registration is. Please refer to all his car buying experiences.
I love how this whole thing was amusing to you. You win my vote for most entertaining ticket talk out.
ReplyDeleteOne of my top five new favorite Stranger posts!
ReplyDeleteSorry about your ticket but I laughed my head off (not literally) at this encounter. Eli, ask Dad where the registration is. He'll help you. And I could laminate it and hang it from the rear view mirror in case you need it again. :). Cathie
ReplyDeleteCathie is totes Mother of the Year. My dream in life is to parent my kids when they are almost thirty via public comments on their blogs--or whatever the kids are doing then. Well played :).
DeleteEli, i had another thought.....I could help Dad with a PowerPoint presentation. It would have pictures of your drivers license, insurance card, registration and a list of things NOT to say to an officer of the law. Would that help? Hehehe
DeleteCathie xoxoxoXOXoooX
I thought I was the only one who can find all my expired insurance cards back to like 1998 in my glove box, but not the registration. Then I'm like, "Well, YOU pulled me over. Didn't you check the sticker on my license plate when you walked UP here? There's your proof right, there. I was very organized back in December, when I put that on there, so I should get credit for that."
ReplyDeleteI tried to joke with a cop one time and he didn't even crack a smile . . . I heard a knock on my door at 7:00 am one morning and when I answered it a cop was standing there. He told me that my car had been seen in an area where LAWN GNOMES and been stolen!! I told him that I hadn't stolen any lawn gnomes and that I was pretty sure my husband didn't steal any lawn gnomes, but that I would check with my 17 year old son. The cop didn't seem to think the idea of my husband out steeling lawn gnomes was funny at all. Maybe that's something other husbands do, but not mine. :)
ReplyDeleteI think I feel sorry for the cop, but I'm not sure.
ReplyDeleteI am so stealing that belly button joke lol!
ReplyDeleteyou are hilarious! you would totally fit in with studio c........ not that you're a bad lawyer( you aren't are you???) but this should make you laugh. you should also watch their other videos. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reSS9WWHkd4
ReplyDeleteI think I peed a little when you pulled out the candy from the glove box!
ReplyDeleteI didn't know what my registration was, either! I thought it was another name for my insurance! Although, I have been pulled over twice before, and both times I just had to give them my license and insurance. Does it vary by state? The first time I got pulled over, I was so upset that I started crying, and the cop told me to stop crying or he would give me a ticket, and so I tried to stop but I just ended up getting a violent case of the hiccups. Then he made me get out and do a sobriety test! It was 1pm!
ReplyDeleteI've had a sobriety test. I crossed my heart-hoped to die that I hadn't been drinking, it was the other friends in the car and I was the DD (I'm always the DD since I don't drink, mormon and all). But when he asked if I'd recently had a concussion or hit my head and I had to say yes, I'd crashed my bike and earned a new helmet he just sighed and asked me to follow his finger. I guess my goose egg on my head didn't fake drunk me.
ReplyDeleteI would TOTALLY have bailed you out of jail if that conversation had gotten you arrested.
ReplyDeleteGlad all you got was a ticket, but imagine if they took you in; we'd get the mugshot of all mugshots for great hair!
ReplyDeleteI almost got pulled over by a cop the other day (it's never happened before) and I panicked because I didn't know what or where my "registration" was...they are always asking for "licence and registration" on tv and I was sure I needed it, but I had no idea. What I want to know is why didn't the cop just explain what the registration was! If I'd had know it was for paying for the sticker on the licence plate I would have known I didn't have it right away and that would have made me feel better.
ReplyDeleteI am not completely sure Bob and Cathy would bail him out. They would probably be kind of relieved, really. This could also be used, I imagine, for whatever legal trouble Eli would get into, should he actually run into Paul Simon. We could also use it to bail Daniel out of jail for snapping over laundry someday. http://centralpennsylvaniatrafficlawyers.com
ReplyDeleteThis is crucial one. Carefully handle this matter and everyone obey the rules of court.
ReplyDeletereckless driving in PA
Obey the traffic rules is the best option to prevent from speeding ticket. traffic lawyer in Delaware
ReplyDeleteI thought it was another name for my insurance! Although, I have been pulled over twice before, and both times I just had to give them my license and insurance. speeding ticket
ReplyDelete