I knew Wade had signed up for the Salt Lake City half marathon several months ago and I don't like to be left out of anything so when I realized the Saturday race was approaching, I signed up on a whim last Tuesday.
It was actually pretty good timing. The half marathon would be exactly two weeks before the half Ironman and I had planned to run that distance on Saturday anyway so I thought I might as well do it in front of thousands of spectators so everyone could enjoy my hair.
Sometimes I feel selfish when I don't go out in public. I mean, did Michelangelo keep the Sistine Chapel in his basement? Not that the Sistine Chapel and my hair are a fair comparison. But all of that painting is still pretty impressive.
The race was phenomenal. Several Strangers cheered for me by name as I ran by, which was beyond exciting for me. Unless they weren't Strangers and they were actually just saying words that sounded like my name and I assumed they were cheering for me. Or maybe they weren't even cheering for me. Maybe they were mad at me and trying to tell me off and I just ran on by and didn't even stop to listen. This is actually very possible. They were yelling, after all.
Well, I'll just assume it was Strangers and that they were cheering. And to those of you who did, THANK YOU for telling me how good my hair looked as I went by because we all know that that's all that matters. (Oh, and hi Knoll from the starting line! How did your race turn out? Knoll? Niles? I suddenly don't feel like I'm remembering your name correctly. Maybe it was Burt. Or Moses. Harry Potter? I know a lot of names and right now they are not helping.)
The race went well. I came in at 1:24:48, a few minutes faster than I expected, and in 29th place out of 3,118. This came out to a 6:29 average mile pace, which has been the perfect confidence boost two weeks before the half Ironman. Hashtag brag. Hashtag but it's a humble brag because I said it in a meek voice. Hashtag "what? These old things?!" [flexes biceps]
Six women beat me, WHICH IS PERFECTLY FINE BECAUSE WOMEN CAN DO ANYTHING AND I DON'T EVEN SEE GENDER. Which ones were women?
One of those six women started running next to me at about mile three.
Eli: Oh my gosh. There are only like two other women up there. You are SO going to win.
Woman: Actually there are four other women up there.
Eli: Do you hate them?
Woman: Huh? No. Why would I hate them?
Eli: Because they're beating you right now.
Woman: There are like twenty men beating you right now. Do you hate them?
Eli: Yes.
Woman: Well then.
Eli: I like to imagine that you have this major rivalry with those other women up there because Sandra stole your boyfriend or something equally atrocious and now you are going to seek your revenge by beating her in this race. IN FRONT of the boyfriend.
Woman: Who's Sandra?
Eli: That's the name I gave for the woman up at the very front.
Woman: You are strange person.
Eli: OH MY GOSH THANK YOU!
Then she got really far ahead of me and I never saw her again. Well, until after I crossed the finish line and started wandering around the post-race festivities.
Eli: Hey! How did the race go?!
Woman: Fine. I beat the proverbial Sandra.
Eli: Nice work! Which one was the proverbial Sandra? [Eli looks around enthusiastically]
Woman: You.
Well played, Woman. Well played.
~It Just Gets Stranger
Hahaha! Ask her out.
ReplyDeleteMy name is Joel rather than Knoll, but it was pretty loud right there by the speaker, and it was nice of you to ask anyway. Maybe I should change it? Anyway, congratulations! I knew you'd easily beat 1:30, because I'm 5 years older than you and 1/4 as athletic and I can usually beat that mark. So you probably had time to stop and make sure your hair looked good for the finish line (I'm sure it did).
ReplyDeleteJoel! We definitely didn't hear the J. I even asked Wade and he also thought it was Knoll. We had an argument about how to spell it.
DeleteI'm a person who knows this person, and he was acknowledged on here, and now I feel a little bit famous. Except that I wasn't acknowledged. Famous by association?
DeleteThat's what infamous means, right?
It's spelled Noel. Is that how Wade thought it should be spelled?
DeleteIt's spelled Noel. Is that how Wade thought it should be spelled?
DeleteElli since you like doing all these extracurricular activities how about you babysit my kids for one night
ReplyDeletehashtag girls night out
Hashtag problem child 1 & 2
Hashtag vasectomy
Hashtag i shoulda never had kids
Hashtag whats the surrender age at the fire stations
I love that you just called him Elli . . . . .Such a better name than Sandra!
DeleteGreat job Eli, Wade and Joel!
ReplyDeleteThat woman sounds AWESOME!
ReplyDeleteI walked to breakfast right across from Liberty Park and kept my eyes open for you amidst the sea of runners. If I had seen you, I totally would have cheered for you! I was looking for your hair as an identifying feature.
ReplyDeleteYou don't even see gender? Goodness, no wonder you haven't given Cathie any grandbabies yet! NOT THAT WE KNOW HOW GRANDBABIES GET HERE, CATHIE!
ReplyDeleteWhat better way to serve others than to be the Proverbial Sandra?
ReplyDeleteYou are so generous with yourself.
First it was Mailman, now its Anonymous Woman Runner. How do you always end up on the receiving end of these verbal smack down?
ReplyDeleteSo, as Proverbial Sandra, you are required to continue this new rivalry. Sign up for all the nearby races and hope that AWR is running too so you can get beat her and exact your revenge.
Your response to Woman for calling you the Proverbial Sandra should have been: "Tell me about it, Stud."
ReplyDeleteI've got CHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILS! They're multiplyin'!
DeleteAnd I'm loooooooosing control-ol!
DeleteSwitching it up now, don't forget to
one, two
three, four (from the top of our lungs)
TAKE OUT THE PAPERS AND THE TRASH!!!
My dad (the one that ran into my brother in that story I posted about on that one post) (actually I only have one dad, so I don't know why I needed to tell you that).
ReplyDeleteMy dad runs in a marathon down in Huntsville every year. They used to have a two-mile "fun run" sort of thing that my mom, sister, and I would do. And Dad would walk it with us just to prove how much more in shape he was than we were. At any rate, one year there was this ancient old man in front of us. Knee-high socks, gardening gloves, bucket hat, and for some reason he was carrying a large trash bag. Mom looked at me and said "I don't care what happens - I just want to beat THAT man."
He was out of sight after the first curve.
I believe we have a new contender for the Tellin' It Like It Is award....
ReplyDeleteI guess being the proverbial sandra is better than being the karen group
ReplyDeleteI just worked way harder than I care to admit to find this post. I met you through Maggie liveri at a dinner once. You were about to move out of the country and told me about your blog. I saw you running as I sat on my lawn cheering on as many people by name as I could. It shocked me I recognized you AND knew your name. So, I guess I was a stranger cheering you on, and not a Stranger. Cute blog. Great job on the race.
ReplyDelete