My birthday was on Monday and I turned 31 which means that I am now in my 30s. It was sort of a state of limbo for a while because when you're 30 it means you're not in your 20s anymore but it also doesn't feel like you're in your 30s either. You're just 30. The only thing you know for sure is that you're very much closer to being barren.
But now. You guys. I am in my 30s. This is the first grownup decade. I have eye wrinkles. I know people from high school who have children in middle school. My hip hurts when it rains. Bob and Cathie are no longer playing games with the whole "WHERE THE HELL ARE OUR GRANDCHILDREN?!" thing. I could impregnate a terrorist out of wedlock right now and Cathie's joy would still be so big you could see it from space.
Bob and Cathie asked me to meet them for dinner on Monday evening. I assumed this was a trap so they could corner me about the above-mentioned offspring issue. And I was kind of hopeful that this would finally be the formal intervention with the reading of letters and the cameras and the tears because I'm getting tired of all of the informal interventions that feel so unplanned and don't involve cameras so all the time I spent on my hair is a complete waste.
So I went. And it was a pleasant dinner. And there was no mention of whether I was even trying to multiply and replenish the family. And then we walked out to the parking lot. Bob and Cathie said they had something in their car they needed me to bring back to my house and give to Wade. Then they handed me a bag of food and party supplies.
Eli: Uh . . . ?
Cathie: Give this to Wade. He'll know what to do with it. [Excessive winking]
Eli: So, there's a party happening at my house when I get home?
Bob: We didn't say a thing! [Wink wink]
Eli: It's a surprise party?
Cathie: What? What are you talking about? [Nodding her head]
Bob: If it was a surprise party, we obviously wouldn't tell you. [Communicating more with his eyes than with his words]
Cathie: And tell Wade thanks for the invite but we looked at the invite list and it didn't seem like our scene.
Bob: It looks like a young person party.
Cathie: Too wild for us.
Bob: And it's a school night.
Cathie: And we don't want to have to drive all the way there AND THEN have to be the life of the party the whole time, too.
Bob: We're sick of having to be the life of the party all the time.
Cathie: Plus we have, like, 20 other parties to go to tonight.
Then they got in their car and left me, standing in the parking lot, holding the supplies to my surprise birthday party waiting for me at home.
~It Just Gets Stranger
Sooooo...how was the party? Were you surprised?
ReplyDeleteHow much would Bob and Cathie charge to make an appearance at my birthday party?
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DeleteHappy Birthday!! And, don't worry; the 30's are a breeze!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to be 40 tomorrow. Just sayin.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday tomorrow Bootsie!
DeleteThanks :)
DeleteBahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, but that's hilarious! And sad. And hilarious.
So much this!
DeleteAnd Happy Birthday Eli! 9 more years until you get to experience the joys of "what the hell is happening to my body and why aren't things working anymore!"
Lee - are you experiencing this? Because I turned 40 in October and I'm not experiencing this . . . . .
DeleteI love the Bob and Cathie stories.
ReplyDeleteAlso, technically, you're beginning your 32nd year--you just finished your 31st. :-)
On my birthday this year, I will be "pushing 50" so I totally get what you mean by not being "in" your 30's.
ReplyDeleteWhen the hell did I get so OLD? blech.
By the time you get in your 40's you can't remember how old you are. So you have that going for you! Seriously, I have to do MATH to figure out how old I am. That's just downright sad.
ReplyDeleteWe don't count 'em anymore after 40 (sez someone who turns 40something-er-other-I'm-off-the-clock-so-not-doing-the-math-because-I-think-I-have-to-round-up in a week and really hopes to get some cake as we don't really celebrate them after 40 either unless it involves public humiliation so you (ELI!) better enjoy the bag of party supplies now and kids would just drain out your brain anyway as evidenced by this convoluted run-on sentence of which I'm not sure what was the point).
DeleteHappy Birthday and glad you're back in GodBlessAmerica(includingCanadabecauseLee).
Totes! I'm in my early 40's. If it's worth my while, I'll do the math and figure my age exactly. But there better be pie or a tax write-off or something useful involved.
Delete:D Thanks Liz!
DeletePlus I'm in my 40's too so we're in the same club.
Would it be weird to add your birthday into my calendar so I get a notification next year?
ReplyDeleteYou sure those eye wrinkles aren't Bosnia bags from all the excitement and fun being over there!? Happy birrrrrrthday, Eli!
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