Eli: Becky?!
Rebecca: I HAVE TRIED TO CALL YOU 27 TIMES!
Eli: No. You have tried to call me 2 times.
Rebecca: I COULD HAVE BEEN MURDERED!
Eli: Someone was trying to murder you?
Rebecca: Someone is always trying to murder me! That's why I call you!
Eli: I would encourage you to reach out to an emergency response team and not a 33-year-old man 2,000 miles away who just realized he has 11 pillows in his house despite having never bought a pillow in his life.
Rebecca: Well I have important things to tell you! You need to answer the phone when I call!
Eli: I mean, where did all of these pillows come from? How did I end up with any pillows?
Rebecca: I have big news for you! BIG news!
Eli: Now that I think about it, I don't even know where one buys pillows in the first place.
Rebecca: The BIGGEST news ever!
Eli: Have I ever even seen pillows in a store?
Rebecca: Are you sitting down for my big news?
Eli: Maybe nobody buys pillows? Maybe everyone is like me. They have a house full of pillows and they have no idea where they came from.
Rebecca: Get ready! Because I'm about to tell you my big news!
Eli: I can't even think of a brand that makes pillows. Is there a famous pillow company I'm just not thinking about?
Rebecca: You are just going to DIE when you hear this!
Eli: Maybe the mattress companies? Do mattress companies make pillows? Do they just come with the mattresses? Is that how everyone has pillows? We buy mattresses and they just send a few home with us?
Rebecca: And I want YOU to be the first to hear it!
Eli: Are pillows like the fortune cookie of the bedding industry?
Rebecca: I'm PREGNANT!
Eli: Pillows are kind of a weird thing anyway. It's a soft piece of material we put all over our houses so we can rest our heads for 1/3 or more of our lives.
Rebecca: PREGNANT!
Eli: How did evolution not make us strong enough to support our own heads?
Rebecca: ELI!!! I'M GOING TO HAVE A BABY!!!!
Eli: . . . why are you yelling?
Rebecca: I'm trying to tell you that I'm pregnant!
Eli: Oh crap. I just remembered I was supposed to explain sex to you on your wedding day. Is this all my fault?
Rebecca: Well I'm glad you didn't because I WANT to have this baby. This is GOOD news!
Eli: This IS good news! I can't believe there's finally going to be a baby named after me.
Rebecca: I'm never going to get tricked into doing that no matter how subtly you slip it in.
Eli: Are you going to have a baby shower?
Rebecca: Yes.
Eli: Can I come?
Rebecca: Of course.
Eli: I already know what I'm going to get you as a gift!
Rebecca: Is it a pillow?
Eli: No. You can't actually buy those anywhere.
Congrats, you two.
~It Just Gets Stranger
Congrats to Rebecca! She and her husband are so cute together.
ReplyDeleteThe two topics of this post go together beautifully, because the pillows probably multiply on their own, and that's how I end up with twelve in my house even though I swear I've only ever bought four.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations, Rebecca! Eli, you're going to be a GREAT godfather.
I think someone needs to have the talk with pillows, too, because somehow mine also seem to multiply in the closets, at night, I presume.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations!!! Babies are THE BEST!!
The other night I found a pillow on the floor in front of our extra freezer in the back room that I am certain I am the only one that ever goes into, because that's where the washer/dryer are and no one else is my house knows what those are even for. So not sure where this pillow came from? I am quite certain I have never paid actual money for a pillow. Maybe it's like childbirth, you forget how awful it can be and keep doing it over and over again.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I just counted and I have eight pillows in my house. I don't remember ever buying a single pillow. Where did these come from?
ReplyDeleteI would like to join the "I've never bought a pillow and yet I have several where did these come from HAS ANYONE EVER ACTUALLY BOUGHT A PILLOW" club. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. And CONGRATS to Rebecca!
ReplyDeleteI think I got one pillow with my comforter. No, make that two with the comforter. And just recently bought a Purple (https://onpurple.com/) pillow after a meh experience at the chiropractor's office/visiting other peoples houses and having meh experiences with their pillows. I really do love my Purple pillow though.
ReplyDeleteOh and congratulations Rebecca!
ReplyDeleteEli if it's a boy and ELIza if it's a girl. Seems totally reasonable.
ReplyDeleteAwww! Congratulations to Rebecca and...um...Mr. Rebecca!
ReplyDeleteYou guys must have some of the pillows from my house because ours mysteriously disappear. How does that even happen?!
ReplyDeleteYou should see Nicole's thread below. We may have solved two mysteries here.
DeleteInspecter McCann has cracked the case. There is a limited number of pillows in the world, we can't create new pillows, so the only way to obtain them is to steal them from your friends when your friend's ask you to help them move. Just consider the pillows as payment for being guilted into heavy lifting.
DeleteApparently pillows were never told about the birds and the bees. All you need to do is get a boy pillow and a girl pillow together in a room, turn the lights down low, put on some Barry White, and 9 hours later you've got yourself a litter of little pillows to deal with. And they are NEVER housebroken to begin with.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Mama and Papa Rebecca....SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
I wish pillows just randomly ended up in my house - bed pillows are FREAKING EXPENSIVE!
ReplyDeleteHow do you know that if you can't actually buy them anywhere?!
DeleteBecause she's looked on the black market, duh.
DeleteI actually have a theory that she may be stealing from Sarah. See above.
DeleteThe ending made me smile. Your conversation posts are my favorite. Always have been since I found you three years ago.
ReplyDeleteYou should read the "or all the seas with oysters" by Avram Davidson, and you will never sleep soundly on your multitude of pillows again. :)
ReplyDelete