Skylar is struggling with words lately, as was evidenced in a conversation I had with him a few days ago in which he actually said this:
"Do you have any . . . oh . . . what's that word? What's the word I'm trying to say? Help me here. I'm thinking of that thing that's wool but it's like a noodle and you have it but like noodles but it's like one LONG noodle."
Yarn.
He couldn't think of the word for yarn.
You know. That wool noodle.
I once walked into a room and he was talking to a customer service representative on the phone and I heard him say:
"My name is Skylar. That's S as in Cyberbully, K as in Cat, Y as in . . . the letter Y."
You guys.
I didn't hear the rest of it. I was laughing so hard I had to leave the room and perform meditation exercises for my health.
I have Alexa at my house and when Skylar speaks to it he stands up straight and takes on an incredibly formal tone like he's communicating with the leader of an alien planet, waaaaaay over-pronouncing words, to the point that the device hardly ever understands a thing he is saying. And usually the device doesn't turn on in the first place because 75% of the time he accidentally calls her "Duncan."
Every single time someone says "good luck" to him he responds "I will."
Every time.
He does not stop responding that way.
He will not stop responding this way. No matter how many times I ask him to be normal.
But whatever. That's fine. Words are not his strong suit. He just says the wrong things sometimes. He's not hurting anyone. Right?
Wrong.
He is now hurting someone. And that someone is me.
Today I was complaining to Skylar about how none of my pants fit me anymore, which is my favorite thing to complain about.
And as I was complaining and complaining and compLAINING about this, he finally cut in and said what he thought was going to be a really helpful thing to say:
"You seem to gain weight in your mid-section and most of my female friends do too and women live longer and they're better people so you having a curving womanly-shaped body is actually a good thing. I'M JEALOUS."
It was like he turned into every mom ever.
He's rivaling Gmac, who once told her doctor when he asked her if she was allergic to anything that she had a "cocaine" allergy, meaning to say "codeine."
She also once told the family that her newest granddaughter had a "deviated scrotum" when she started calling around to tell everyone about the birth.
So, I don't know. Skylar may or may not yet be as bad as my 86-year-old grandmother.
But I am saying that he's on his way.
Ok. Entertain me. Tell me about your word blunders.
~It Just Gets Stranger
My son is dyslexic and often mixed up words when he was younger. One day while driving, I said that we were going to stop at my favorite store really quick. He replied:
ReplyDeleteNo! I HATE Tampon Trading!
I nearly swerved off the road laughing. He was really happy when Tai Pan Trading closed.
Hmm. I know I have some. All I can honk of right now are more like typos. I was information gathering for an editing position I thought I might apply for. I addressed the email “Hell Mr. so-and-so.” I didn’t notice until the person responded with an email addresses to “Heavens Mimi.”
ReplyDeleteHmmm I should probably go ask my husband. I’m sure he remembers my most recent gaffes. I can’t just think of typos and foreign language blunders right now. This apples to everything.
(That expression could catch on!)
At least the person who responded to that email had a good sense of humor. It honks to me that that’s pretty important. And, having a good sense of humor apples to everything in life, don’t you honk?
DeleteHAhahahahhaha
DeleteI love Skylar. He forgot to tell you about mommy-jeans. Whatever your shape, your hair is as fabulous as ever.
ReplyDeleteWord blunder- asked my niece, "Why can't you be old to a nice person?"
For seriousness though, Skylar is my favorite. I have a vague feeling I have said that before, but whatevs, still true. I have so many word gaffes I can’t even think of them, but it’s just how I talk, my family knows to try and understand what I mean, and not what I say, because the words that come out of my mouth are never what I mean to say. For example, I will sit down to dinner and the kids will say what are we having? And I will say “spaghetti” and they look at the table and see pizza, and I won’t even realize I have said the wrong thing. One time, back in high school, a friend and I wanted to go to a Batman movie, and every single time I referred to it as Superman. I am well versed in both Superman and Batman I just didn’t hear what I was saying. Yes, it is pretty frustrating sometimes for the people in my life. All of my children’s names start with H, (there are four of them) and people ask me all the time if it gets tricky to say the right name. I respond, “yeah, but I would get them wrong no matter what, and this way with the same starting sound I get an extra second to think and sometimes actually save myself and get it right”. The only other one I can think of now is when my husband and I were first married we used to wake up early in the morning and go mall walking in the winter when it was too cold to walk outside. And every. Single. Time. I referred to it as “wall mocking” and again, usually didn’t hear the mistake.
ReplyDeleteI once announced to my family that turkey is a laxative. You know, instead of a sedative, while trying to explain why we get so sleepy after Thanksgiving Dinner. I was in high school, or maybe college, which was...let's just say a large number of years ago and I don't think a single Thanksgiving has gone by since then without at least 1 person referring to that incident.
ReplyDeleteSeveral years ago, my husband was complaining that White Nose Syndrome that is affecting bats was affecting his ability to go caving. (They closed all caves here for a year while they did a study on it. I was trying to be a good,supportive wife by getting in on the rant, but instead of "stupid bat fungus!" I said "stupid fat bungus!" Which had become a favorite insult in our family ever since.
ReplyDeleteThis gave me a case of the giggles. I would like to adopt that insult as well!
DeleteI was out with a guy who was the self-proclaimed king of pick-up lines. He had the perfect one for me... His head was tilted, he looked straight into my eyes and he spoke in a soft tone while holding my hands in his, “If beauty were a forest, you’d be a tree.” He couldn’t figure out why I was laughing so hard and I couldn’t stop picturing a scraggly little Charlie Brown tree.
ReplyDeleteWHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN
DeleteMaybe he meant "If beauty were a tree, you'd be a forest"? Like you're super ultra beautiful?
DeleteNiiiicceee Julie. That actually makes sense and is a compliment.
DeleteYeah, it’s supposed to be “If beauty were a tree, you’d be a forest.” Totally an insult the way he bungled it. ;)
DeleteOh, and my other favorite was when we were fairly newly married and I asked him if he'd ever seen the EBay commercial back in the day with the lamp, and he said he never had. So I explain where the husband buys the lamp his wife is selling and that is so funny. When I finish he says, "yeah, I've seen that. But where's the whale?" Um, no one ever said anything about a whale. He swore that I said an eBay commercial about a whale, when I'd clearly said lamp.
ReplyDeleteSeveral years later, after much making fun of me that I say lamp weird, we were driving on a road trip playing a game with the kids and my son had to name 3 barnyard animals in 5 seconds. He said chicken, cow and lamb. My husband, no joke, said "whales are not barnyard animals!" And we all stared at him like he was crazy. Brayden clearly said lamb. And apparently my husband hears words similar to lamp and lamb like whale instead. I was vindicated and now we make fun of him and will for the rest of his life!
LOL oh my stinking goodness! This post and comments bring so much happiness. I think I am going to use S for Cyberbully now when I'm spelling my name over the phone. Also, I've always wondered if I need to come up with a word for every single letter in my name. There's only two ways of spelling Sarah and H isn't that difficult to understand on the phone right?
DeleteAnyway, I think I'm similar to Amy Rose where there's just too many to think of one specific instance. I do remember that I used to insist that the movie Sleepless in Seattle was called Sleepless in Sleattle, mostly because I was obsessed with alliteration at the time.
A friend just told me a hilarious story about her friend that taught the younger kids in primary (Mormon children’s Sunday school). She (the teacher) asked what is resurrection? One kid responded that he didn’t know but he heard that if it lasts longer that 4 hours you should call a doctor. Every time I think about it I can’t stop laughing!
ReplyDelete😳🤣😬🤦🏼♀️ Oh, Primary is a land of wonder and happiness. This is one of the best gems I have heard in a while, though!
DeleteOkay, I've got one for you that will change the way you look at Easter for the rest of your life. One Primary sharing time presentation was on how the Savior was arrested, tried, mistreated, and crucified. One little boy listening to this said, "Those sons of bitches!" True story!
DeleteOooooh my. I’m dying over here.
DeleteCurrent Primary President here. I am laughing so hard I'm gonna pee my pants and my bosses puppy is taking a nap on my lap so I can't even get up to go to the bathroom.
DeleteDying!!! 😂😂😂
DeleteCan't.stop.laughing.
DeleteOne of our chief executives was significantly injured in an accident and was bedridden for a few weeks, then a wheelchair for a few weeks, then a walker for a while during his recovery process.
ReplyDeleteThe first time I saw him stand with his walker at work, I tried to say it was good to see him standing again and instead what I actually said was "Great to see you erect again." I have never been more embarrassed!!!
I have changed jobs since then (not because of my comment) and I still stay in touch with many of my colleagues at the time. Periodically, they remind me of my mistake and we all laugh again while I blush with embarrassment again.
I work from home, as do most of my coworkers. Once a year, we all get sent to a hotel or conference place in Utah to meet together with everyone. Last year, one of my coworkers who I had previously worked with on several projects and had a friendly relationship with came up behind me and did that thing where he tapped me on one shoulder but stood on the opposite side. (As a side note, why do people do this? It's not funny to me.) I turned to the side where he was standing instead of the side he tapped my shoulder on because I'm aware of my surroundings and such. He said something about how he was impressed I turned to the side he was standing on. I then said something like, "yeah, I have good sensual awareness." I almost died of embarrassment. This guy is married, and I was engaged at the time. I meant "sensory awareness" or "spatial awareness" or something like that. To top it off, I'm an editor, so my coworkers expect me to be good with words. But working from home actually makes me pretty awkward sometimes with speaking out loud. Sigh. I have mostly managed to avoid this coworker to this day.
ReplyDeleteWool Noodle is now a thing and it needs to be on a tshirt. It reminds me of Jenny Lawson's recent post about a Danger Noodle. Make Matt design some shirts and set up a Zazzle shop, or sell them at the Strangerville Live shows. I'd buy the crap out of a wool noodle shirt.
ReplyDeleteJust in case Skylar needs a refresher on NATO approved phonetic alphabet:
A = Alpha
B = Bravo
C = Charlie
D = Delta
E = Echo
F = Foxtrot
G = Golf
H = Hotel
I = India
J = Juliet
K = Kilo
L = Lima
M = Mike
N = November
O = Oscar
P = Papa
Q = Quebec
R = Romeo
S = Sierra
T = Tango
U = Uniform
V = Victor
W = Whiskey
X = Xray
Y = Yankee
Z = Zulu
Years ago we had a secretary at my family's business who was constantly mixing up words that sounded similar but had VERY different meanings. When we would try to explain the difference in the words she wouldn't believe us or get very defensive. Examples of words she mixed up: Subterranean for Mediterranean, Mahogany for Monogamy, Condolences for Compliments, and my favorite Grave Side Servants instead of Grave Side Service. This was a daily occurrence with her but some were more memorable than others.
I used to work with a woman who was in her late 50's who said "ideal" instead of "idea" on the reg. She would type it in emails, even. "That's a good ideal, Faith."
DeleteUm, no.
But we just got used to it. Somehow, she had gotten through life thinking that the word "idea" was actually the word "ideal", and that just was the way things were.
But mahogany instead of monogamy? Rly??? Hahahahaha!
I get regional mispronunciations. Around here we get a lot of people saying Air-ee-ation instead of Air-Ation for aeration. And a lot of people ask for Extimates instead of estimates. But when they are mixing up two completely different words it drives me bonkers.
DeleteSuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....I've used that damned phonetic alphabet EVERY DAY for 16 years (current job), and I still cannot remember anything past "G" most of the time. I hate that fecking thing.
DeleteMy father was an Air Force officer, my exhusband was an Marine NCO, it was drilled into my head. I couldn't forget it if I tried.
DeleteThanks to all of your comments I have remembered the most embarrassing one I have. Bit of background: in college, freshman year, there were a group of us that would hang out. One of the guys had a crush on me, (I did not know, as usual) and one of the girls was my best friend. Fast forward four heads, he no longer had a crush on me, and was married to her, who was still my best friend. Her birthday was coming up, and another friend and I made a plan to surprise her. We needed her husband’s help. He and I had been friends for so many years, so I called him and laid out the plan. He was willing to work with us to surprise her. At the end of the call I said, “ok, great. Thanks. It was business doing pleasure with you.” She is still one of my best friends though, and he doesn’t bring it up... though last time we were together we had a good laugh about it.
ReplyDeleteFast forward four "heads" is supposed to be "years". I would love to blame my phone for this mistake, but seeing as the topic of this post is what it is, there's no telling for sure. And I thought I proofread that one for mistakes, too.
DeleteOoh, you've opened the floodgates. College memories, coming back. I was complaining to my brother (PETER BOLING) that I didn't understand why guys didn't like me. (Why didn't they like me?!) I said to him, in a bewildered, innocent voice, "I think I would make a really great date, that any guy would want to take out. I am cheap AND I'm easy." And my four years older brother did not stop laughing for a while and I was so frustrated that I tried to defend what I had said. I don't know how long it took me to actually hear my words.
ReplyDelete😂
DeleteI work in a doctor's office and people get the doctor's name wrong ALL THE TIME. Once, a patient called and asked to make an appointment with Dr. Shoelace. She was very upset when we told her that we don't have a dr by that name and offered to schedule her with our doctor... "Then WHY would they tell me to schedule an appointment with Dr. Shoelace?!"
ReplyDeleteThe biggest gaffe that’s rehearsed in my family, is when my Grandpa accidentally mixed up the name of the restaurant KFC. He called it Ken- F***-y Tied Chicken. Didn’t realize it at the time and to this day, swears he never messed it up.
ReplyDeleteI overheard this young girl say "leg wrist" when describing her ankle..
ReplyDeleteThat reminds me of my nephew who refers to the pelvic region and any associated part as the "front butt."
DeleteI used “arm ankle” once because I couldn’t remember what my wrist was called (Though I was hardly a “young girl” at the time haha)
DeleteI often cannot get the right word out, but instead of pausing to search for the correct one or even fully realizing that I don't know the word, my brain just throws something random in its place. The most common issue I have is with mowing the lawn. For years I have consistently referred to it as vacuuming the grass.
ReplyDeleteMy now 8 year old one referred to her toes as "foot fingers." The term has stuck ever since.
ReplyDeleteSo this doesn't fall under misspeaking, but it does with mishearing someone. I started dating my now fiance six years ago when we were wee 20 year olds. We were sitting in the car before going into Chilis for dinner and kissing a little (very chaste kissing because barely out of high school, shy, formerly homeschooled Catholic kids). We'd only been dating for four months at this point and with being long distance, still very new to the whole kissing and boyfriend/girlfriend thing. I don't remember exactly what I said - it was something flirty - and he responded with what I THOUGHT was "Undress me?"
ReplyDeleteNow, being a shy Catholic girl I was pretty taken aback that my shy Catholic boyfriend would say such a thing and blurted out "Wait, WHAT?" He gave me a funny look and asked what I thought he'd said. I told him and he got beet red and started laughing. Turns out he didn't say anything even close to that. He still teases me about that to this day, because why on earth would he have wanted me to undress him in the parking lot at Chilis?
My 4 year old calls the tights that cover the feet "pant socks". Works for me. Has Skylar ever given birth? Since having kids my memory is crap and I forget common words all the freaking time.
ReplyDeleteIn 2010 I was in a 12 day coma. I have major speech disfunction. The blunders that came out of my mouth before the coma (btc) were downright Shakespearean. What comes out of my mouth now makes Skylar calling yarn a "Wool Noodle" practically words of a Nobel Prize winner. I search for words I know (not all the time) and it's like I haven't spoken the english language all of my 53 years of life. Sometimes, I will hear it in my head or even worse, the silence in my head and just stop talking. No one acts like I was. Or whatever thing I was talking about was an actual thing. Like Wool Noodles. Sometimes I try really hard to get that missing word and it just won't come. The words I use to try to find the word are worse than what the word really is and I STILL try. I think when I cannot find the word I am searching for, I'll just shout out WOOL NOODLE.
ReplyDeleteI once tried to compliment a friend of mine on her new overalls, but instead of overalls I told her that I really liked her new enchiladas. Don’t even ask me why that word came out of my mouth.
ReplyDeleteOne time I thought a friend of mine was looking really nice, and wanted to tell her so, but was feeling kind of... sassy? I wanted to tell her “you look like a million bucks” but the words got lost, so instead of saying it confidently, powerfully, and like I had a native mastery of my language, I slowly and awkwardly, as I suddenly couldn’t remember the phrase said, “you ... look like... ten bucks...” and then - no lie- she made a T-shirt that said that.
ReplyDeleteMy mom - who’s only in her 60’s - can never remember the words for pedicure and manicure. So she calls it a “toe job” and a “hand job.” Always fun when she requests this at a nail salon. O.o
ReplyDeleteMy mother was once talking about a Princess Feelya from a space movie. After awhile, someone asked: Do you mean Princess Leia? She shrugged her shoulders and said: Feelya/Leia....one leads to the other.
ReplyDeleteTowards the beginning of my relationship with my husband, I lived with him and his mom for awhile. We had gotten into a fight and his mom came up and was, I dunno, trying to help I guess. But it got me even more upset as I felt I was being ganged up on. So, naturally, I screamed "You need to cut the electrical cord already!" Yea. Electrical cord. Not even remotely close to umbilical cord. That was probably about 15 years ago now, and I still haven't lived it down.
ReplyDeleteI have an ongoing battle of wills with autocorrect, who - like the devil it is - has decided to just sneak back and change things in previous paragraphs. Best example is a long email to my husband explaining how to do an online transfer to our joint house account. It’s a chequing account (spelled that way because CANADA), and that’s how I referred to it throughout the email. Apparently this flummoxed autocorrect, who went back and changed every singe “chequing” to “cheating”. Without my noticing. O.o Sooooo... I sent a long email to my husband directing him on how to fund the “cheating account”. He was not amused!! :(
ReplyDeleteI fight autocorrect because every time I try to type an adult 4-letter work it tries to change it to something less offensive like ship or duck. NOT THAT WE KNOW WHAT SHIPS AND DUCKS ARE CATHIE!
DeleteI work in a public library, and I'm continually saying ridiculous things. I have repeatedly ended phone calls with "you've got a great day" instead of "have a nice day." I combine words all the time, like when I wanted to say either perfect or cool, so it came out as pool. Although it was more like "poo-ool" because I realized what was happening halfway through and couldn't stop it. My favorite was when I was helping a girl find a particular book, and I said something about "perny momaids" instead of pony mermaids (which is a weird thing to be saying anyway).
ReplyDeleteI do this at home, too. Just this week, my husband got some food in his mustache, so I said to him "oh, you've got something in your beard. I mean in your mustard." Mustard?
I blame it on having kids.
I have quite a few word blunders but nothing to beat ‘deviated scrotum’. And I can’t stop the visuals.
ReplyDeleteMy kiddo went to the restaurant and asked for a Benedict Arnold instead of an Arnold Palmer. Gotta love him for trying.
ReplyDeleteI worked at a Convergys (is that how it’s spelled? I don’t remember) call center for a very short period of time, I don’t know if I even made it through the entire training. I hated it! I hardly remember anything about what we learned or what the job even was about, credit cards maybe, but I can still hear the dude’s voice who was training my group talk about how “FUSTRATING” things could be. Not Frustating, FUSTRATING! And he said it constantly! He said the word fustrating so. many. times. It has been years and years and I still think of it whenever I hear that word!
ReplyDeleteThat sounds very fustrating. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
DeleteI'm just sorry that you had to work for Convergys, that place was a hell hole.
DeleteThere's a couple that I go to church with named Bobby and Pam and I CANNOT stop calling them Pammy and Bob. 'Oh, hey Pammy!' I think they think I've come up with some weird nicknames for them even though our relationship is not remotely close enough to have nicknames.
ReplyDeleteHa! We have friends at church named Brad and Beth and I can't count how many times I've said, "Hey, Bad, Breth!"
DeleteThis is my favorite. You win!
DeleteWhen my son was young (under age 5) we went to help his Aunt move. She was on friendly terms w/her ex and he was helping as well. My son came up to me and said he wanted to go see the "queer" in the backyard....um what!?!?!? My mind was racing from "where'd he hear THAT word" to "why is he calling his Aunt's ex that???". Come to find out he was talking about a squirrel he'd seen on the telephone wire...still don't know where he heard THAT word!
ReplyDeleteWhen granddaughter #2 was a baby Papa called her "Scooter" cuz she scooted everywhere instead of crawling. One day her older sister (age 3) called her "Skateboard" trying to sound grownup like her Papa I guess...lol.
Oh I love this thread. I have friends who will right down my word blunders. My most recent was in a class that is geared towards future healthcare professionals. We have a few people in the class who have taken it that are called, learning assistants. So I was talking to mine, who wants to be a surgeon and I want to be a nurse, and it evolved to the topic of patient care. I looked at him and said, "It makes sense for nurses to have a little more say in healthcare. We do see the patient alive longer than you do." I meant awake. He hasn't looked at me in a week without laughing.
ReplyDeleteWe were playing Anomia with my husband's family and I was supposed to yell out the name of an astronaut before my opponent yelled out something in their assigned category. So I yelled out Lance Armstrong. You know, that bike racer from space. My SIL also yelled out "Steinfield" when she was supposed to name a sitcom. We still tease her about it, haha.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I have a lot of these:
ReplyDeleteSkin sauce (sunscreen)
Hot fridge (oven)
Hair chef (hairdresser)
Ear treasure (earring)
And reading everyone's stories reminded me of the time many years ago when I was playing a board game with friends. I drew a card that would give me a BONUS point but what I said was "this card gives you a boner!" My friends about died laughing. (NOT THAT WE KNOW WHAT A BONER IS, CATHIE) This wouldn't embarrass me nowadays, but as a teen I was a sweet innocent Mormon girl and I was absolutely mortified.
We had just eaten dinner and my boyfriend tried to get me to move off the couch. I told him “leave me alone I’m gigesting.” So since then I never digest my food I gigest it. Also, I had just taken an English test to get into a journalism class and I was so excited because I finally understood the I before e rule. My boyfriend asked me about it and asked “well what about the word ice. E is after the c.” I looked at him confused because in my mind Ice didn’t have a C. Then he asked me to spell it “ I....ohhhh C.” My family loves to remind me about that one!
ReplyDeleteI worked at a courier service (prior to the Internet, so you know a hunnert years ago) and I answered the phone about 100-150 times a day. I had two lines myself, and when both would light up at the same time I'd place one on hold and on the other I'd say "This is awesomesauciness, may I help you?" One frantic day, I picked up one line to place on hold as usual, then when I picked up the other I said, "This is awesomesauciness, may I hold you?" The caller was a regular, and he had actually visited the office a few times, so without missing a beat he said "Of course, next time I'm there, but for now I have an urgent file to go downtown to the courthouse...." Yes, he made me hug him when he came to the office the next time and yes I was horribly embarrassed.
ReplyDeleteHaha that's awesome. I used to work for a credit union in the consumer loan department and we dealt with car dealerships who applied for loans for their customers through a program called Credit Union Direct Lending...CUDL. There was one finance manager that kept calling and asking "Can I just CUDL you?". It never stopped being funny.
DeleteI know a lady who has a lot of these. My favorite: she got a "high deficit TV" instead of high definition.
ReplyDeleteAnd then there was the time when I was 15 and I ordered a "Count of Monte Cristo" sandwich at a restaurant, instead of a monte cristo sandwhich. Then I was so flustered at my mistake I ordered a root beer when I wanted a coke and then I almost cried.
ReplyDelete