Turkey Emails

Daniel had an idea for a Thanksgiving email prank. I shot off a bunch of emails to different cooking blogs and had a couple respond. The following turned out to be the best exchange. This lady is awesome. You can tell she doesn't really believe this is serious, but she wants to keep responding just in case.


From: June Snapple
To: Cooking Blog
Subject: Did someone say TURKEY!?!? :)

Hey there!

The last 2 years I have tried to do a turkey for my family and it was a total NIGHTMARE! I tried it in the oven one year and tried to deep fry it last year. Both years made a huge mess and the kids were practically traumatized. Am I missing something? Is there some way to ease the struggle a bit?

Thanks!

June Snapple
PTA President

From: Cooking Blog
To: June Snapple
Subject: Did someone say TURKEY!?!? :)

Hi June!

Could you be a bit more specific about your problem? I'm happy to answer your question. The turkey is really pretty simple to cook and shouldn't be causing you so many problems. What has been your biggest concern?


From: June Snapple
To: Cooking Blog
Subject: Did someone say TURKEY!?!? :)

Well, it's mostly just a matter of keeping the turkey in the oven. Last year it came out of the oven after just a few minutes and, well, we ended up with a pan on the floor and feathers EVERWHERE! We hadn't tied it tight enough, I guess, and it was really hard to get it tied back up.


From: Cooking Blog
To: June Snapple
Subject: Did someone say TURKEY!?!? :)

June, I'm not sure if I understand. How did the turkey fall out of the oven? Is the tray in your oven off balanced? There really shouldn't be a problem if you just have it on a level tray. Why would there be feathers everywhere? Did you have an unplucked turkey for some reason that you were trying to cook?


From: June Snapple
To: Cooking Blog
Subject: Did someone say TURKEY!?!? :)

We did have an unplucked turkey. It seemed really inhumane to pluck it so we thought it best not to. Especially considering all of the trauma the bird goes through from being in the oven.


From: Cooking Blog
To: June Snapple
Subject: Did someone say TURKEY!?!? :)

Lol. I'm sure the turkey forgives you and understands that it's Thanksgiving so I wouldn't worry too much about it going through trauma when you're cooking it. I'm sorry, I don't know much about plucking turkeys. Good luck!


From: June Snapple
To: Cooking Blog
Subject: Did someone say TURKEY!?!? :)

I do worry about the trauma. I can't imagine how awful it must be for the turkey to have to sit in a hot oven. Our cat, Trixy, got into the oven one year. Fortunately we heard her and were able to pull her out before she could ruin the cake I was baking. But the turkey? It's hard to just leave it in there and tune out the awful noises.

I really hate this tradition and wish it would go away.


From: Cooking Blog
To: June Snapple
Subject: Did someone say TURKEY!?!? :)

June, I really hope there has been some kind of miscommunication here. You certainly don't mean that you have put a live turkey in an oven!?


From: June Snapple
To: Cooking Blog
Subject: Did someone say TURKEY!?!? :)

Oh HEAVENS no! Wow. You must have thought I was crazy. I apologize for not being more clear.

My husband is in charge of putting it in the oven. I would never do that job myself. Problem is, last time he didn't do a good enough job of blocking the oven door and that's how the turkey got out. Men! Amiright?! ;-P

Last year we tried to deep fry because the kids were still so upset about what happened the year before. The deep frying was even worse. Oil everywhere. Feathers catching on fire. Lot's of screaming. We couldn't eat that turkey either.

I'm about to give up if I can't find a better way.


From: Cooking Blog
To: June Snapple
Subject: Did someone say TURKEY!?!? :)

There is no reason you should EVER put a live animal in an oven or a deep frier! Any turkey you cook should be dead and plucked! I really have a hard time believing that you don't know this. Please do not try to put another animal through that! That makes me so sick!


From: June Snapple
To: Cooking Blog
Subject: Did someone say TURKEY!?!? :)

Well now I've heard everything. I always thought the turkey should be dead. So one year I went out and found one that was dead, brought it in, and stuck it in the oven. It cooked for 6 hours and when we pulled it out there was no meat on it because it had been eaten by maggots. I asked someone what I did wrong and they told me I couldn't just go get a dead turkey off of the ground and cook it. Now you're telling me I'm not supposed to cook live ones. I give up. The inside of my oven is covered in claw marks and the place still smells like smoke from last year's fire.


From: Cooking Blog
To: June Snapple
Subject: Did someone say TURKEY!?!? :)

June, I'm going to assume that you didn't mean any harm. But what you need is a turkey that has been killed for the purpose of cooking. Either you need to kill it, or you need to buy one at the store that has been killed.  There is no reason that you should be trying to cook a LIVE turkey.


From: June Snapple
To: Cooking Blog
Subject: Did someone say TURKEY!?!? :)

KILL IT?!?!?! Absolutely NOT! What do I look like?! A murderer?!?!

Maybe this year I'll just do sandwiches and pumpkin pie.


From: Cooking Blog
To: June Snapple
Subject: Did someone say TURKEY!?!? :)

That sounds like a really good idea.


From: June Snapple
To: Cooking Blog
Subject: Did someone say TURKEY!?!? :)

I don't have any pumpkin. Would it make a difference if I substituted the pumpkin for mac n' cheese? They are the same color, after all.

Also, do you think you could come over and do the sandwiches? I'm going to be really busy with the pie.


From: Cooking Blog
To: June Snapple
Subject: Did someone say TURKEY!?!? :)

I'm just so relieved that you're not trying to cook live turkeys that I don't even care that I just got pranked for the whole day.


~It Just Gets Stranger