Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Yahoo! Answers IV

I hope it's not too soon, but today I bring you Yahoo! Answers IV. I want to scoop all of these people up and take them home with me. I think my favorite part of this one is that people actually tried to give real answers for question 6. Also, I am officially awarding Ninjai from question 1 the "Tellin' It Like It Is" Award. Congratulations, Ninjai. Join the list of mind-speakers proudly.


Question 1: Am I too old to have children? My husband and I will both be celebrating our 90th birthdays next summer. We are thinking about adopting a baby because everyone needs a home. Is this crazy? My husband has a hard time remembering things, but I'm in pretty good shape and can usually drive a car and we both know how to play a mean game of canasta!

1. No offense, but you probably dont have long to live. Ten years, and you will probably be dead. That doesnt help the child at all.  ~Ninjai

2. I find looking after my daughter very tiring and I'm only 42, I wouldn't consider having another baby now, let alone in another fifty years. Raising kids is very demanding and takes a lot of energy. I can't help wondering if you're really someone who's a trolling teen, you can't be serious with a question like this.  ~Semtex

3. Mabey not the best as your old and you say he forgets thin easily would hate to forget the bag on the way to church and your not as quick on your feet as you once were mabey not a baby but mabey a teen who can help you as well :)  ~Jayla

4. Not to be rude or anything, but shouldn't you adopt? I mean there is lots of kids needing to have a home. There are too many kids in this world as it is, and I don't plan on having any myself... Which doesn't mean that I won't ever have sex...  ~Gillian

5. Yes. You are.  ~Tay


Question 2: How can I get my cat back into the public pool? Last week the lifeguard at the local public pool I've been taking my cat, Trixy, to told us that she can't come back ever again. I knew they were going to be prejudiced against her so I've always tried to hide in the back when we've gone. Is there some way I can dress her up to look like a baby to get her back in?

1. U should leave Ur cat at home before they tell YOU not to come back.  ~Jewelz

2. That poor cat probably hates the public pool! Why would you bring her there in the first place!  ~Andel


Question 3: How can I get my cat to start breathing again?  My cat stopped breathing on Tuesday and now it's Thursday and I'm starting to get a little worried. I know that when cats sleep they can hold their breath for a long time but this seems like it's been too long. Should I be doing something?

1. It's been 2 days. The cat is dead.  ~Brotherhood

2. I regret to inform you that your cat is dead.  ~Linds

3. If she really stopped breathing she'd be dead. Go see a vet.  ~Courtney

4. Carefully cut into it's abdomen and eat its gall bladder. Should be perfectly fine afterwards.  ~John

5. Who told you that cats hold their breath when they sleep? They were lying to you...
I regret to inform you that your cat died...   ~Josie



Question 4: How much tv is too much for my cat?  My cat, Trixy, has been watching a lot of tv lately and I'm really worried that it might be rotting her mind. Sometimes I come home and she's watching really violent shows. But I'm afraid to tell her to stop because she has a temper. Any advice?

1. Cats do not have the 'intellect' to understand what they see on TV. The radiation from the screen may do more damage then the programing will ever do to Trixy's brain. She likes the flashing lights and the sound.  ~Quagmire Jones

2. Um.....if you're a troll, this is hysterical. But TV won't hurt the cat if you're being serious. Cats sleep 18 hours a day, so if (s)he wasn't watching TV, she'd be sleeping anyway. Cats don't have the capacity to tell the difference between a violent show on TV or a court case show, etc. so that isn't an issue either.  ~Creepy

3. Go with it. Don't confront her. I unhooked the cable box once and mine punished me by ordering all sorts of crazy crap through my ebay account.  ~Simon


Question 5: Is it safe to tongue-bath my cat?  My cat Trixy is getting old and she is having a hard time bathing herself now. I want to be a good friend to her but I don't want to put my own health at risk. Could I get a cat disease if I keep tongue bathing her?

1. Seriously???!!  OK.......YES, you could get a disease if you tongue bathe your cat....& you'd ingest cat hair! If you really "care" about your Trixy then gently brush/comb her.  ~T

2. Yes. It's safe and fun for everyone! Just brush your teeth first.  ~Pat


Question 6: What is the name of that movie?  It's that one with the guy from all those action movies and he is outside during the day on one part of the movie and this woman talks to him (or it might have been a man) about something he did that upset her (or him). The only other thing I can remember is that the credits were all at the end and ran while the theme song of the movie played. I've been wanting to watch it but I can't, for the life of me, remember the name of the movie. HELP!?

1. Wow really? You have to give me more than that to be able to help. That sounds like 10000 other movies. The Bourne Identity?  ~Chris

2. Ok, let me get this straight. There is a movie with a guy, who has been in other movies, and at one point he talks to a woman and at one point in the movie he is outside during the daytime. Also, the credits and theme song run at the end of the film (one of the few time I suppose the film makers have chosen to do this). Got it."Last Action Hero". great film, thanks for reminding me of it.   ~Wushuboy

3. You are going to need to have some more detail so I can help you! Transporter perhaps?? With Jason Strahman??? I think his name is.  ~Nikki

4. i dunno but if it has a typical action guy then i'd google either Jason Statham or Bruce Willis or people like that.  ~Liss

5. Die Hard?  ~?


~It Just Gets Stranger

24 comments:

  1. I love the person who suggested you get a teenager to help out around the house.

    Also, is the answer you were looking for on question 6 Independance Day? The little Mermaid?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm glad somebody suggested Die Hard for number 6 because I was totally thinking that the whole time. Maybe Die Harder with a Vengeance.

    Also: I love how this is the first Yahoo questions post where the answers wonder if you are a troll.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I recently found your blog and love it! Thanks for making me laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ....if you KEEP tongue bathing your cat...hahahahahaha! i'm dying here. the mental images are just too perfect! just when i think you cannot possibly think of something more twisted, you prove me wrong. keep up the good work! twisted is the BEST!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Gotta love the classy Christians who go out of their way to let a stranger know their cat has, in fact, died.

    ps I've got all of my roommates totally hooked on your blogs. We love 'em!

    ReplyDelete
  6. It's been 2 days. The cat is dead.

    Ha ha ha! I think this was the best yahoo answers post so far. People are so so funny!

    ReplyDelete
  7. God bless Simon from question 4. Trixy could have maxed out your credit cards on eBay catnip!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wow. There are people out there as ridiculously hilarious as you. Namely Simon's answer in question 4, and Pat's answer for question 5.

    Speaking of question 5...where do you even come up with this stuff? I'm not sure I believe that you don't like cats! (dry heave)

    Great post.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Why are all cats named Trixy? Or perhaps did you change the names to protect these poor animals from public humiliation?

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm considering joining Yahoo Answers just so I can put sarcastic comments on there as well. This stuff is hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hysterical. But the answer to question 6 is Saw IV.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Here's a question for you to use, tweek it how you will or not use it. But it just popped into my head. I taught my cat how to go to the bathroom on the toilet, but it still insists on licking it's butt clean. How do I teach it to use the toilet paper?

    ReplyDelete
  13. My favorite is the one where they assume a 90 year old will be physically having this baby as opposed to adopting this baby. Gag.

    Menopause, people. It's a beautiful thing.

    ReplyDelete
  14. effin amazing. <3 this so much!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. So funny!
    How did Trixy's gall bladder taste? ;)
    P.S. You need to come home because we all miss you. Who on earth is going to ruin Kaylee's Thanksgiving by taking a walk around Day Break Lake?!?!?! haha! I'm glad it sounds like you are loving it over there! :) Love ya!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Love question 3, answer 4: "Carefully cut into its abdomen and eat it's gall bladder. Should be perfectly fine afterwards."

    ReplyDelete
  17. Yes. It's safe and fun for everyone! Just brush your teeth first. ~Pat

    Must meet him. hahahaha

    ReplyDelete
  18. This made me laugh so hard! You are so hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Someone on yahoo answers asked if it's "OK" to let their dog lick THEIR (as in the human's) wounds to speed healing.
    Surprisingly, it was a toss-up. I really hope this was your work, or I may have lost faith in the way we practice medicine.
    I though everyone knew the benefits of drippy doggy slobber. Sheesh!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Someone on yahoo answers asked if it's "OK" to let their dog lick THEIR (as in the human's) wounds to speed healing.
    Surprisingly, it was a toss-up. I really hope this was your work, or I may have lost faith in the way we practice medicine.
    I though everyone knew the benefits of drippy doggy slobber. Sheesh!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Okay so Ninjai got the Tellin It like It Is award...Did Gillian get the Idiot of the Week award? :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. I find it funny that people actually were able to suggest movies to that last one haha

    ReplyDelete