Messaging Krishelle

There's a recessive gene that stops people from understanding technology. Those people can't help their ignorance and should be given extra, nonjudgmental, help. G-Mac has it. My dad has it. Despite being relatively proficient with technology, my mom is apparently a carrier because I have it, too. It looks like this:

Bob: tt
Cathie: Tt
My Sisters: Tt
Eli: ttx*

*x signifies a mutation that enhances the features of the gene it trails.

This problem has led to many nonsensical conversations with my oldest sister, Krishelle, similar to the one we had via gchat a few days ago:

Gchat with Krishelle

Eli: When I move back to the US, will you help me get one of those phones that you can do internet on from anywhere?

Krishelle: Um . . . A smart phone? You know you already have one of those. I gave you my old one about 6 months before you moved to Palau. Remember? I taught you how to use it? We had a whole lesson one night. You asked me to show you "the ways of this so-called phone magic."

Eli: Oh, silly Krishelle. So young. So naive. That was a Galaxy phone. I want a smart phone.

Krishelle: A Galaxy is a smart phone.

Eli: Well, obviously not a very good one because I could only do internet when I was able to get really good reception. And that wasn’t very often. I've had friends who can do internet all the time.

Krishelle: Ok. We’ll talk about your use of the word “reception” later. For now I want to focus on this: in order to “do internet” from anywhere, you need a data plan. You didn't have one with your Galaxy. So you could only access the internet when you had wifi. 

Eli: Krishelle, that doesn't make any sense. You don't even know what you're talking about, do you.

Krishelle: I do know what I'm talking about. You needed a data plan. Your phone was capable of doing this. But you needed to sign up for a data plan with the phone company.

Eli: I don’t understand.

Krishelle: With a data plan you can access the internet even without wifi.

Eli: Huh? Are we still talking about phones?

Krishelle: You need to call the phone company and get a phone plan that allows you internet access on your phone.

Eli: ???

Krishelle: Phone gets email if you give the phone people more money.

Eli: Come again?

Krishelle: Phone people can flip a switch and make your phone do internet if you call and ask them.

Eli: Preposterous! How could phone people control what my phone is capable of doing without even opening it up and fixing it!?

Krishelle: Ugh . . . Well, they come when you’re asleep and switch out your phone’s insides. That’s what you’re paying for.

Eli: So, like Santa?

Krishelle: Exactly like Santa.

Eli: And what about the world wide web?

Krishelle: What about it?

Eli: Do I have to get a different phone for the world wide web?

Krishelle: Remember when we talked about this? The world wide web is the same thing as the internet.

Eli: No.

Krishelle: Yes.

Eli: Ok. Thanks for nothing. You are being so unhelpful.

Krishelle: No. You won't have to get another phone. The phone people will make sure you can do internet and the world wide web.

Eli: Ok. This is making more sense.

Krishelle: No. The opposite.

Eli: I feel like I am really starting to understand technology!

Krishelle: No. No you are not.

~It Just Gets Stranger