Animals that Swim

On Saturday a big group of us decided to go scuba diving. I got certified in October and went scuba diving one time after that. Then I stopped completely because of animals.

Here's the thing about scuba diving. It is so fun to breathe underwater. And to float around and pretend like you're in the Matrix or Superman or Harry Potter or something less embarrassing. But the problem is, there are all these fish down there so it sort of ruins the experience.

When we go scuba diving in Palau, we have to take an hour long boat ride out to the Rock Islands because apparently that's where the cool fish are. Every time we get into that boat the whole time I'm thinking, "actually I just want to play Superman underwater. You could just drop me off at a deep pool." But I'm shy so I just don't say anything at all. Even if it means that I have to go see fish.

Guys, I don't hate animals. I just don't think that we have any business being a part of each other's lives. And especially the ones that can swim and breathe underwater without scuba gear. Ew.

But peer pressure got the best of me and the next thing I knew I was signed up to go scuba diving again. Daniel agreed to go as well even though last time (also October) his face basically exploded and he was mister cranky-pants for about TWO WEEKS following the experience. You didn't hear that from me. And if you ever tell him that I told you that, I will so deny it. And you won't be able to get him to look here for proof because he thinks he's too good for Stranger.

Daniel border-line hated scuba diving. But his feelings were based on factors entirely different from my own reservations. He was fine with the animals, who most certainly were plotting our deaths. But he got horrific nosebleeds and otherwise felt drained for days afterward.

I felt GREAT afterwards, mostly from the euphoric high of still being alive.

But Saturday came and before we knew it we were on a large boat headed off to the great unknown.

We went to a dive spot called "Blue Corner," which is apparently like the best dive spot in the entire world. Best for what, I'm not exactly sure. Being suffocated by animals because there are so many of them? Then definitely yes. But seriously, you should google it.

There were SO FREAKING MANY FISH down there. Like, millions and millions of them. Like so many that they were running into me. We got to this one spot where we just sort of camped out and watched what I swear to you was a reenactment of Under the Sea from The Little Mermaid. The only thing is I couldn't be sure because I was underwater so I couldn't hear the music if there was any. And neither could they, which caused a lot of really disappointing synchronization problems in their choreography. I was like, "what is this? A community production!?"

But I don't know how to explain this to you. There were SO MANY FISH all at the same time. Sharks going by every few seconds. And giant things that looked like sting rays only way worse. And other HUGE fish that I've only ever seen in horror films. Including these things that I was assured were not actually snakes but that looked like snakes and almost caused me to shoot 70 feet to the surface at the speed of light. And I think if you do that while scuba diving you actually explode. So it's a good thing I maintained composure. But I did push a woman toward them and start swimming the other way.

But there were sea turtles. And one of them looked me right in the eye and I decided right then and there that if there is an animal that gets me, it's the sea turtle. Because that sea turtle looked really tired and it basically said to me, "there are too many animals down here. Why can't I just be left the hell alone." And I wanted to scoop that sea turtle up and take it home with me. Which would have directly gone against its wishes. But I loved that little sea turtle so who cares?

We eventually made it back and I asked Daniel what he thought of the whole experience:

Eli: So what did you think of diving today?

Daniel: AMAZING! I couldn't believe it! Breathtaking! One of the most incredible experiences of my life!

Eli: Great! When do you think you'll go again?

Daniel: Um . . . probably the fifth of NEVER.

~It Just Gets Stranger