A Couple of Weeks Ago
Eli: Hello?
Matt: Hey, it's Matt. Do you think you could watch Ollie on--
[Screeching car brakes sound]
Matt: Oh, hi. How did you get here so fast?
Eli: WHERE IS HE!? GIMME!!!
Matt: I didn't mean right now. I was wondering if you could watch Ollie in a couple of weeks when I go out of town. I'll be gone for--
Eli: EVER?!
Matt: No. Like five--
Eli: YEARS!?
Matt: No. Days. I just need you to watch him while I'm gone--
Eli: IN CASE YOU DON'T COME BACK!? IN CASE HE DOESN'T WANT TO LIVE WITH YOU ANYMORE?!
Matt: Can you please stop sounding so hopeful?
The next two weeks were bitter. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I got so distracted that a couple of times I forgot to take my morning hair selfie before walking out the door. AND THE PEOPLE OF INSTAGRAM WERE LIVID.
Then Friday night finally came.
Matt brought Ollie over on Friday night. This was our Saturday and Sunday schedule.
Midnight to 4:00 AM: HYPERACTIVE PLAY TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!
 |
4:00-5:30 AM: Take Ollie out into the frigid cold every five minutes to pee.
5:31 AM: Time to be up for the day. LOTS of barking.
5:32-Noon: HYPERACTIVE PLAY TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Noon-9:00 PM: Out cold. Unwilling to interact with the people I take him to see. No energy to play with other dogs.
9:00-Midnight: Take Ollie out into the frigid cold every five minutes to pee.
Repeat.
I swear to you I turned 70 this weekend.
~It Just Gets Stranger
70 never looked so good.
ReplyDeleteI concur
ReplyDeleteI LOVE LOVE LOVE dogs... but until they learn to not have to pee or poo I will never have one. I hate getting out of my own bed to go pee when its cold in the morning... let alone putting clothes on a walking a dog so it can pee.
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly while I will never have a dog until I'm married and have teenage children. It's not as bad if you have other grown people to share the duties. Right? RIGHT?!
DeleteDepends if you own a house or not. In the morning I have a leash hooked up outside that comes to my back door. I just open the door, attach her to the leash and she goes out and does her business. I don't walk her till I get back from work. If you live in an apartment then this obviously doesn't work.
DeleteA house makes a HUGE difference. Being able to let the dog roam freely in the enclosed back yard is so much better than having to get all dressed up every time it needs to pee. You still need to go on walks and have play time, etc., but all of that seems less daunting if you don't have to also do the whole dressing up and going outside for quick potty breaks too.
DeletePlease post 1,000 more photos of Ollie. Thank you.
ReplyDeletehow have you forgotten the freeway barf massacre so quickly?!?!?!
ReplyDeleteNo dogs for me, just cats. Potty-trained cats, because REASONS.
ReplyDelete