Disneyland Emails

Did you guys know you can email Disneyland on pretty much any topic and they will respond to you right away?


To: Disneyland
From: June Snapple
Subject: Fairy-tale Wedding

Dear Disneyland,

I am very interested in the magical fairy-tale wedding you offer but due to circumstances entirely outside of my control, I must have some special accommodations. Who should I speak with about these accommodations? I've got a thousand dollars cash money and even more dreams!

June Snapple
PTA President, 2001 - Present



To: June Snapple
From: Disneyland
Subject: Fairy-tale Wedding

Dear June,

We would be happy to help you with your accommodations! What sort of things do you need?

Aimee


To: Disneyland
From: June Snapple
Subject: Fairy-tale Wedding

Dear Disneyland,

Well, for starters, I need you to clear the park of children on my wedding day. And I know what you're thinking-- "WHAT ABOUT THE SEVEN DWARFS!?" Haha. LOL. But seriously. If the seven dwarfs are played by children, I need them to not be there that day. I got very sick because of children once and I'm not willing to take that chance again. I also need the entire place to be completely sterilized before I get there. Not a trace of human presence anywhere. And trust me. If there is one hair out of place, I will notice. I lived with someone for a very long time who left facial hair shaving remnants all over the bathroom sink every single morning. I will never let that happen again. (To be fair, besides that, grandma was a great roommate). Also, my wedding colors are blush and bashful so if you could have all of the exteriors of every building painted in those colors by the morning of the wedding, that is probably the most effective way to keep bridezilla from showing up.

Thank you,

June Snapple
Child Advocate


To: June Snapple
From: Disneyland
Subject: Fairy-tale Wedding

Dear June,

I'm quite certain we won't be able to have all of the children cleared from the park. Would you settle for having the shorter ones who can't pass for adults sequestered to Frontierland? Also you'll be pleased to know that much of the park is already painted in your wedding colors: pink and pink.

Aimee


To: Disneyland
From: June Snapple
Subject: Fairy-tale Wedding

Dear Disneyland,

My colors are blush and bashful.

I suppose I'm willing to negotiate on the children thing. It's a large park. I understand that. I just need to make sure I don't see any on my wedding day. I hate all children. And not just because of their lack of upper-body strength. I have written dozens of letters petitioning the Disney Channel to replace all of its television programs that feature children with reruns of MASH. Now that was a good show. What happened to all of the good shows? I used to rub Mable's feet with sticks of margarine and watch that show and just laugh and laugh and laugh. Then one day she woke up, asked me who the hell I was, got a restraining order, and I was never able to watch MASH again. Note to self: don't just move next to people who have TVs. Move next to senile people who are unaware of their surroundings and who have TVs.

What percentage of your rides would be suitable for my cats?

June Snapple
Ex-Barber


To: June Snapple
From: Disneyland
Subject: Fairy-tale Wedding

Dear June,

We have suddenly become very curious . . . can you tell us a little about the person you are marrying?

Aimee


To: Disneyland
From: June Snapple
Subject: Fairy-tale Wedding

Dear Disneyland,

That's actually one of the accommodations I need. I haven't quite caught myself a man and since my eggs are starting to dry up, I'm in desperate need of a man. And I know. How's a gal like me having such a hard time finding a quality man?! Look. It's not as easy as it used to be. Back when I first started dating, men FLOCKED to me because my legs and forehead were a mile long each. I got quite serious with one for a while. He even gave me his grandmother's wooden leg as a sign of commitment. But then he went off to war against the Germans and the next I heard from him he had found some French hussy, bought a crepe shop, and settled down in Europe. Joke's on him though. I sold the wooden leg for pennies. Although I did feel bad later, considering that the grandmother was never able to walk again.

June Snapple
Awarded the Medal of Freedom, 1946


To: June Snapple
From: Disneyland
Subject: Fairy-tale Wedding

Dear June,

I'm afraid we won't be able to provide a man for you. The one thing we insist on is that you bring your own man. Forgive us but if you hate children so much maybe it's better that you let your eggs start drying up anyway.

Aimee


To: Disneyland
From: June Snapple
Subject: Fairy-tale Wedding

Dear Disneyland,

Oh honey. I didn't mean my baby-making eggs. I meant the eggs I got from my chicken in the backyard. Its name is the Queen of Colors and its eggs are only good for about five to six years. And when I say "good" I mean poisonous and horrifying. The Queen of Colors is a creature from Hell and we have a very strong love/hate relationship. I love it and it hates me, for it is only capable of hate. And unspeakable evil. I was hoping to make an omelet if I immediately regretted the marriage.

June Snapple
Chicken Herder of the Year, 1945


To: June Snapple
From: Disneyland
Subject: Fairy-tale Wedding

Dear June,

I just don't think Disneyland is going to be the right choice for your wedding especially considering that you don't have anyone to marry. Please keep us in mind if you ever do catch yourself a man.

Aimee


To: Disneyland
From: June Snapple
Subject: Fairy-tale Wedding

Dear Disneyland,

Ok. But don't be surprised if I have a hard time believing you run the happiest place on Earth from now on. Twice up the barrel, once down the side.

June Snapple
Outraged Dreamer

~It Just Gets Stranger