Tuesday, August 25, 2015

The Ten Most Annoying Instagram Posts

I'll start this off by admitting that I am a regular and unapologetic offender of at least some of these things on my own Instagram account. BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT OK DO AS I SAY NOT AS I DO!!!!


1. Gratuitous selfies that have nothing to do with the caption:

OMG my totes BFF Tami comes back from her trip today i have missed her so much these last two days ahhh!!!!!!!!!!!! #loveher #bestfriend #myperson

If the post really is about your friend coming back from a trip, THEN POST A PICTURE OF YOUR FRIEND! Why have you given us a selfie? What does a picture of your face have anything to do with Tami coming back from her trip!? HASHTAG ENOUGH WITH THE SELFIES!


2. Gratuitous pictures of your body posted as a thinly-veiled attempt to show something having nothing to do with your body.
I love my new bracelet so much and wanted to show you how great it is! Look how it sits on my wrist! It's so amazing! #bling
If you are trying to show off your new bracelet, WHY HAVE YOU GIVEN US A PICTURE OF YOUR WHOLE NAKED BODY!?! If you want us to see how beautiful the sunset is, WHY ARE YOU SHOWING US A PICTURE OF YOUR CHEST?!? I know that advertisers do this and I know that sex sells, but think about the children!


3. Gym selfies and accompanying obnoxious hashtags.

Gym time again. #gettingswole #pumped #monster #protein #allnatural #roidfree 
I don't understand the point of these but I ESPECIALLY don't understand the point of all of the hashtagging about how incredibly "swole" you are getting. WHAT IS THE OBJECTIVE HERE?! WHY ARE THESE HAPPENING?!

Furthermore, I hereby declare that anyone who has ever used any variation of #gettingswole should be barred from all social media forever. I cannot be talked out of this.


4. Pictures of yourself waking up.
#iwokeuplikedis
Who started hashtag I woke up like dis and have they been tried yet for their crimes against humanity? Is the purpose of these selfies to demonstrate to the world how beautiful the poster is when he/she first wakes up in the morning? I don't understand. But I will pay everyone a total sum of $10 to be divided among you evenly if all the people in the world will agree to stop doing this. You have 24 hours.


5. Pictures of every single thing ever eaten. 
OMG look at what I'm eating right now right this second! #lunch #blueberries #iwokeuplikedis
What's that? Where did I get that photo? Did I get it from my own Instagram account? NEVER YOU MIND WHERE I GOT IT. The point is WHY ARE WE ALL POSTING A THOUSAND PICTURES OF OUR FOOD?! Seriously. Have you ever gotten onto Instagram hoping that you will see what everyone is eating for dinner that day? NO. You got onto Instagram hoping to see irreverent memes that use profanity and your feed is instead clogged with pictures of what everyone is eating for dinner. THIS NEEDS TO STOP.


6. Excessive nonsensical hashtagging. 
Sunday selfie. #male #model #malemodel #malemodels #bornthisway #agency #modeling #glasses #bestfriends #bepresent #iwokeuplikedis #painting #man #men #person #nose #face #ears #hand #blueshirt #fullhouse #thinking #existence #birth #birthingvideos #std #animalkingdom #globalwarming #thanksobama #hippo
Every time you do this I am forced to read every single hashtag individually and mock ALL of them and I don't have time for this!


7. A video of you doing the Nae Nae.

 I won't even try to demonstrate this one because I do not want to have to listen to that song and I refuse to have any corner of my brain wasted on knowing any of that horrible routine. So instead I'll just post the video of that time Anna Swayne hung a fake head from my ceiling. ON MY BIRTHDAY.




8. An infinite number of pictures and captions reminding the world how great your relationship is.
OMG I can't believe it is already our 10 second anniversary. Ollie and I are so in love. Our lives aren't even counted by the amount of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away and with Ollie those moments happen all the time OUR RELATIONSHIP IS AMAZING EVERYONE SHOULD BE LIKE THIS!!!! #love #lovewins #myman #bae
We get it. Your relationship is terrible and you are trying to compensate for that by declaring the opposite on social media outlets. Oldest trick in the book. Why do you think I post so many pictures of myself eating Mexican food from Betos?
9. Photo collages.
Look at my life! #picstitch
I hate ALL photo collages. But I especially hate when there are so many pictures in a photo collage that I can't tell on my little phone what the Hell is going on. I've gotten to the point now that when I see a photo collage I immediately just scroll on because I don't want to go through the headache of trying to decipher each minuscule image.


10. Pictures of Tami.

#gettinswole
It's just gross, guys. Enough already.

~It Just Gets Stranger
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47 comments:

  1. AnonymousAugust 25, 2015 at 5:30 PM

    I think I've seen #2 on a certain app that starts with a smile and ends with a PhD. And #9 I don't have a problem.with on occasion. I'd rather see one collage than 20 pics in a row from the same person, event, thing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. MichaelAugust 25, 2015 at 5:46 PM

    I can't stop looking at #2. I feel like a creep for staring, but sweet jebus! You are like a work of art. The good, firm, Under Armor-wearing kind. Not the limp, droopy Dali kind.

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownAugust 25, 2015 at 8:36 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousAugust 25, 2015 at 8:36 PM

    While I think the whole nae nae song and dance are over done I'm actually a little disappointed you didn't post a video of yourself attempting it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousAugust 25, 2015 at 8:40 PM

    #morethanjustyourhairlooksgood
    #thatsalotofnakedisheli
    #ironman

    ReplyDelete
  6. JeniferAugust 25, 2015 at 9:13 PM

    This may be my favorite blog post of all time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. FaithAugust 26, 2015 at 11:16 AM

      AGREED. I am DYING. (Plus, I hadn't yet seen that video of him being surprised by the head suspended from the ceiling, and now I have a new favorite thing! Win/win from reading Eli's genius!)

      Delete
  7. EmilieAugust 25, 2015 at 9:33 PM

    This is the best. I am laughing so hard. I mean I am sitting on my deck in my apartment complex and watching my string up lights (that you are jealous of) and dying of laughter. This is fantastic, also I need my part of the $10 please and thank you! #wokeuplikedis
    Also your hair is on par as usual!

    ReplyDelete
  8. AnonymousAugust 25, 2015 at 10:20 PM

    Why so much hate? This angst is really bringing me down. How about something uplifting?

    ReplyDelete
  9. UnknownAugust 26, 2015 at 1:18 AM

    Swol and bae are the two worst words in the English language and those who say either need to be gathered together and shipped to some remote island and tortured like those of us who had to live through the days of "bae" and "swol"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. P & JAugust 26, 2015 at 6:12 AM

      Yes! Also I don't know what either one of them means and at this point it's too late to ask anyone. Are they acronyms? Words? Nonsense?

      Delete
    2. Amy RoseAugust 26, 2015 at 7:37 AM

      I had never even heard of either of them until right now, this blog post and these comments. #didn'tknowIwassoold #idon'tevenknowhowtohashtag #ididnotwakeuplikedis

      Delete
    3. HopeAugust 26, 2015 at 8:35 AM

      Bae means poop in Danish.. But here everyone uses it in place of babe, honey, sweetheart, etc. I have no idea who started using it as a pet name or why.

      Delete
    4. LeeAugust 26, 2015 at 9:46 AM

      Jeanetta, that's because they're are not real words. People who make up stupid things like this should be punched.

      According to Urban dictionary Swol means "swollen or pumped up" and Bae is actually the Danish word for poop, but for some reason people seem to use it as a slang for baby, sweetie, etc... But yes, it's nonsense.

      Delete
    5. UnknownAugust 26, 2015 at 11:08 AM

      Bae is an acronym for Before Anyone Else. At least that is what my high school students tell me.

      Delete
    6. AnonymousAugust 26, 2015 at 1:04 PM

      BAE - Before Anyone Else (significant other)
      SWOL - "swollen" = big muscles

      Delete
    7. JaclynAugust 27, 2015 at 6:51 AM

      I used to think bae was the worst word in the English language as well... and then Eli used it to refer to his relationship with a dog and my faith in humanity is now restored. LOVE this whole post.

      Delete
  10. AnonymousAugust 26, 2015 at 7:30 AM

    I'm fairly certain this whole post was so Eli could show of dem abs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It Just Gets StrangerAugust 26, 2015 at 9:40 AM

      What? These old things? [Flexes]

      Delete
    2. AnonymousAugust 26, 2015 at 9:40 AM

      I completely agree. Although don't get me wrong....I'm not complaining. ;)

      Delete
    3. AnonymousAugust 26, 2015 at 11:41 AM

      Thumbs up!

      Delete
    4. Nicole the weaverAugust 31, 2015 at 3:35 PM

      DEFINATELY not complaining.

      Delete
  11. The SuzzzzAugust 26, 2015 at 8:52 AM

    You HAD to throw Tami in there, I was eating...WAS being the operative word.

    ReplyDelete
  12. AnonymousAugust 26, 2015 at 9:40 AM

    I think my favorite part is the hashtag on the Tami picture.

    ReplyDelete
  13. LeeAugust 26, 2015 at 9:48 AM

    Your first pictures scares me. #axemurderer

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LeeAugust 26, 2015 at 10:35 AM

      LOL I just saw the Anna Swayne video. I remember you posted that a while back. I didn't think a man could scream like that.

      Delete
    2. bridge August 26, 2015 at 10:39 AM

      Add that hashtag to No. 6 and No. 8 (hashtags are so confusing when they come in front of numbers). Nothing says axe murderer like a normal, sweet-looking, perfectly-coifed man with glasses and/or a dog. The manic eyes is only when the murder is occuring which seems like an inopportune time for selfies, or so it's seems would be the case, having never been axe murderered myself nor an axemurderer.

      Delete
    3. kjaxAugust 27, 2015 at 12:14 PM

      #multitasking

      Delete
  14. SylviaAugust 26, 2015 at 9:53 AM

    My mother has a toenail fungus. My sister called her upstairs to our office to show her the picture of Tami and ask her why she hasn't dressed her fungus toe up with a little hair to spruce her up a bit... Needless to say, it didn't go over well and my sister now has a red hand print on her back from being slapped. #mymomisnuts #mommydearest #weneedanothertami

    ReplyDelete
  15. AnonymousAugust 26, 2015 at 10:57 AM

    Number 6 is so funny. People really do put hashtags like that, and it makes NO sense! It kind of makes me laugh every time though.

    ReplyDelete
  16. MarkAugust 26, 2015 at 11:03 AM

    If you have to eat #5 in order to look like #2, I'll pass.
    Those cookies I bought today aren't going to eat themselves!

    ReplyDelete
  17. sexylikeapeanutAugust 26, 2015 at 11:17 AM

    I'm guilty of the food photos. But only when I'm actually eating healthy, like the plate of veggies I shared last night, but not of the unhealthy things like the swiss cake rolls I consumed after eating a plate of veggies lol.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. kjaxAugust 27, 2015 at 12:18 PM

      I only post pictures of food when I actually cooked because #lookIcookedanddidn'tburndownthehouse.

      I don't post a lot of pictures of food.

      Delete
  18. Karen PetersonAugust 26, 2015 at 12:21 PM

    Now I totally miss Beto's. I used to love their breakfast burritos.

    ReplyDelete
  19. AnonymousAugust 26, 2015 at 12:47 PM

    Omg I love this post! Everyone of these applies to my fiances cousin. She literally has one of each of these pictures everyday. I would much rather look at yours though! Please remind me again how your #sunsupgunsup #hardatwork #lovemybae #vegitarianveganpaleoglutenfree #obnoxious

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. P & JAugust 27, 2015 at 8:17 AM

      Those hashtags are hysterical! My sister in law always post pictures of her jogging with #getafterit and #irunthisbody and I want to vomit.

      Delete
  20. AnonymousAugust 26, 2015 at 2:18 PM

    If you promise to post photos like number 2, I promise not to follow anyone but you. [fans self]

    ReplyDelete
  21. AnonymousAugust 26, 2015 at 5:27 PM

    so my question about # 2 is, who is holding your pants?

    ReplyDelete
  22. AnonymousAugust 26, 2015 at 8:53 PM

    Eli, you are getting fat.

    ReplyDelete
  23. P & JAugust 27, 2015 at 8:21 AM

    Can you please add number 11, pictures where you wonder who in the world took that photo of you and how awkward that was for them? Like a far away picture of you doing a yoga pose on top of a mountain? You know what I'm talking about? And the caption is always something dumb like, "Just contemplating my life?" And you're like with a photographer ten feet away standing in sage brush?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It Just Gets StrangerAugust 27, 2015 at 9:02 AM

      That's it, P & J. You and I are now best friends.

      Delete
    2. It Just Gets StrangerAugust 27, 2015 at 9:26 AM

      P&J, see Matt's message below. Please let us know of your soonest availability.

      Delete
    3. P & JAugust 27, 2015 at 2:50 PM

      When food is involved, I am always available immediately.

      Delete
  24. Matt BroomeAugust 27, 2015 at 9:05 AM

    p & j for the win! Let's have a dinner party where he/she/they are guest of honor.

    ReplyDelete
  25. gaiaskyAugust 29, 2015 at 9:30 AM

    hashtag swole

    ReplyDelete
  26. AshleySeptember 8, 2015 at 10:35 AM

    Hot damn, you need to post a content warning before posting things like #2!

    ReplyDelete

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