The other day I got some notification that a person had Twittered a Tweet on what the kids are calling the Internets and this Twitation invoked my name somehow. It's all very confusing, I know. Just try to follow along.
Anyway, the notification indicated that this person Tweeted a quote from Stranger. And when I saw this, the thought came to me, "this isn't necessarily a good thing." Because there are a LOT of things you could quote from Stranger out of context . . . well . . . and sometimes in context, that wouldn't exactly make me look great. So I did a quick scan and found some examples for you from over the years. Enjoy:
"I was a French prostitute on the brink of starvation."
"So happy I didn't go through with that sex change."
"I used to have people over but it was always the same old complaints. 'Your place smells like cat feces.' 'What is this green stuff that got on my pants after sitting in your chair?' 'Who is making that crying sound in the back?'"
"If I'm going to be seen in my underwear, I would at least like to know about it so I can pull out my sexiest pair."
"The reason he got bad service in the first place usually isn't because he's dressed like a 1980s prostitute."
"I have been checking the mail every day since returning, expecting a letter from the city of Moab, signed by the mayor and all other literate residents, respectfully requesting that I never come back."
"The cookie tasted exactly like a fat sweaty Russian man covered in chocolate and jelly with maybe a little more sugar."
"That night I looked like a white-trash homeless male prostitute from Detroit."
"Loud screams echoed through the mountains as the five of us stood in our skimpies and scrubbed while the hundreds around us did the same."
"50 Shades of Grey is a coming of age pornographic thriller that contains the secrets of life."
"I spent the better part of my early adulthood in prison where space isn't exactly one of the feature attractions."
"I tried to hide, and in the process I completely peed my pants."
~It Just Gets Stranger
Hey that was me that quoted and mentioned you on Twitter! I wondered if it would confuse you. I see it did, but it also inspired a hilarious post! Can I get a follow now? It's a twitter thing :) Thanks for kinda sorta mentioning me on your blog!
ReplyDeleteKelsi, you want me to follow you? Where are you going?
DeleteTo Mars. I hear they have great candy bars. But you can also follow me on twitter!
DeleteP.s. It's my birthday! You picked the perfect day to kinda sorta mention me!
ReplyDeleteThis is JUST like one of those episodes of tv shows when they spend the whole thing doing flashbacks to other episodes. Not complaining, because I'm laughing hysterically over here. Somehow I missed the post about the "your place smells like cat feces" and I had never read the Russian cookie one. Laughing so so so hard.
ReplyDelete"Homeless male prostitute from Detroit." Best ever.
ReplyDeleteSome of those would look great on a T-Shirt...
ReplyDeleteOr snuggie...
DeleteAgreed. Eli, please make some shirts with some of your best quotes!
DeleteIn your short sampling; you mention the word prostitute 3 times, you elude to sex 2 times, mention your underwear twice, and cats only ONCE? If this is an accurate portrayal of Stranger, this blog is super edgy. Perhaps you should have a rating for younger and innocent eyes somewhere at the top. This is definitely pg-13 material. :)
ReplyDelete-Marilyn
But in a way, aren't they all about cats? And prostitution?
DeleteI also caught onto that "prostitution" theme...
DeleteBut i also agree that these need to be sold on t-shirts!
I can draw only one conclusion from reading these snippets - Eli (and possibly Daniel) is a very, very, very dirty boy. And I'm not sure if Bob and Cathie should be ashamed... or proud. *grins*
ReplyDeleteEli, I looooove your blog so hard. I wish we were real true life friends. Maybe someday... Anyway, I'm mostly writing this to let you know that while I was enjoying your recent blog post my anti virus popped up and said it detected a threat on this page.. I'm not sure if there is anything you can do to prevent things like that from happening but I thought I'd let you know.
ReplyDeleteJust read a few of these - is it still too recent for you to tell us of your 'accidentally peed your pants and hid in the jungle texting Daniel and trying to get out of a presentation' story?
ReplyDeleteBy the way - love your blog. I found Stranger completely by accident about eight months ago and have been reading ever since. :)
As is the case more often than not, your post succeeded in making me laugh out loud (for real). I also felt like after reading this post I should come down and do a comment confession that I actually have a twitter account specifically for statements taken out of context from my office (@InTheWarRoom) because my co-workers say some highly entertaining things.
ReplyDeleteP.S. They do know about this. It's not a secret or anything like that. Sometimes they even supply me with quotes from meetings/gatherings that I wasn't there for.
"I'm starting to think he's trying to be a male, cat lady, prostitute, in undies, just out of jail... or something..." Never thought that would be said of you, dija!?
ReplyDeleteI think you should include, "I had babies all over your furniture and now you probably have pink eye and chlamydia!"
ReplyDeleteHahahaha!!
Deleteyes yes he should have. LOL
DeleteI would wear every one of these tee shirts.
ReplyDelete