My Mom is Calling Me

A quick reminder--I'll be telling a story on The Porch this Saturday in Salt Lake City. I think the show starts around 9:00 PM. We'll be at a venue called Trackside (510 W 200 N). Here's the tickets link.

I'm not even sure what day we're on anymore of Jolyn's "I'm just staying for the night" visit. And let me be clear: she didn't just make that promise at the beginning of her stay. Every single day she reiterates, "I'm just staying here tonight."

Example 1

Eli: Jolyn, could you help me move some furniture tomorrow?

Jolyn: Oh you know I would. But I'm just staying here for the night.

Example 2

Eli: Jolyn, I HAVE to tell you what just happened to me!

Jolyn: Oh Eli. I would love to listen. But I just don't have the time. You see, I'm just staying here for one night.

Example 3

Jolyn: Hahahahahahaha. Hahahahahaha. Oh, you're too kind. But really Eli. I'm just staying with you for one night and then I really must be on my way.

Eli: . . . uh . . . I didn't say anything.

Also, Jolyn has been doing this new thing lately where she abruptly exits conversations when I start talking to her. Usually she does this when I press her for more details about what "I'm just staying here for the night" means. She does this two ways. First, when she's feeling particularly lazy, she just pretends to fall asleep while I'm in the middle of talking to her. And not like the dozing off kind of sleep. Like full on narcolepsy with dramatic snoring.

The other way she exits conversations with me is by pretending like her mom is suddenly calling her and she has to answer. But her mom never "calls" her on, say, a phone. It's always, nonsensically, on whatever object is near her at the time. 

So, for example, I will be in the middle of showing her where one can take the garbage out when the bag is full and she'll suddenly pick up a shoe that's sitting on the ground, put it to her ear, and say, "mom? How did you get the number for this shoe?"

I've seen her do this with: her necklace, a coaster, a chair, a doorknob, a peanut M&M, and dozens of other objects.

I'm not totally sure how I end up in these situations but I think it has something to do with karma. See the first 30 years of my life for why.

~It Just Gets Stranger