Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Autocorrect Problems

One of the most frustrating things about making a short trip to the U.S. is my lack of cell phone. I have my old U.S. phone with me, which I'm able to use for Interneting whenever I'm near what the kids call "the wifi." But I still can't call anyone. So I have been using the phone to contact people through Facebook chat extensively. This, in addition to being severely out of autocorrect and text predictor practice, since my Palau phone is a 2001 Nokia with T9 texting, has caused problems.

I'm very good at T9 texting again, by the way. You guys are all going to come running to me when your smart phones give out and the world has to resort back to T9 texting and I'm the only one who can remember how to do it.

Anyway, I give you a small sampling of my more embarrassing mistakes over the last week. Most of my autocorrect and text predictor problems happen with Daniel because I don't care to proof-read what I'm writing to him as much as I do with other people.


Daniel: How have flights been?

Eli: Flights have been so long and miserable. I haven't raped at all.

Daniel: ELI!

Eli: SLEPT. I haven't SLEPT!

Eli: OR raped. But I hope that's a given.

*****

Eli: My suit doesn't fit anymore. I'm fat now. It's so cold here and my skunk and mouth are so dry.

Daniel: Skunk? I hate dry skunk.

Eli: SKIN!

Daniel: How much does the suit not fit?

Eli: Like, the pants are basically spandex now.

Daniel: Can you button them up?

Eli: Nope. It's good to be homosexual but I hate the reminder that I'm fat now.

Daniel: ???

Eli: AH!!!! I'm HOMOSEXUAL!!!

Daniel: Ok. . . . Do you want to talk about it?

Eli: I mean I'm homophobic!

Eli: HOMOPHOBIC!

Eli: AHHH!!!!! H O M E. It's good to be HOME!

Daniel: You sound very conflicted. But I'm glad you feel at home in your conflicting homosexual but homophobic state.

*****

Eli: So you guys did lunch? Where did they touch you?

Jason: Um . . . nowhere. I mean, we shook hands, but . . .

Eli: Ah!!! Take you! Where did they take you!?

*****

Eli: Gosh I love our sly friends.

Daniel: Me too. But I like our straightforward friends more.

Eli: SLC. Our SALT LAKE CITY friends.

*****

And this last one was NOT an autocorrect problem. Although I really wish it was.

Daniel: Things are not right with me. How can you tell if a worm is taking over your intestines?

Eli: At family dinner now . . .

Daniel: Great! Ask them if they know.

Eli: Ugh. Just a sec.

Eli: My mom says get a flashlight and a mirror and look for it. Then pull it out and name it Stan, short for "intestan."

Daniel: GROSS! Cathie!!!

~It Just Gets Stranger
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45 comments:

  1. CindyApril 23, 2013 at 1:03 AM

    I laughed so hard that I got sick to my stomach. Thanks a lot, Eli.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AndieApril 23, 2013 at 1:57 AM

    So I was just sitting here watching some late night TV with my youngest son asleep across the foot of my bed. I started laughing so hard that I scared him and made him fall off the end of the bed, which caused me to laugh even harder and thankfully made it to the bathroom just in time so I didn't pee in my pants. I've had such a rough last two weeks, and as always, you have made it possible to laugh again. THANK YOU! (don't worry, my son is fine)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousApril 23, 2013 at 6:28 AM

      you - yes, YOU, Andie - are making me laugh so hard right now! good thing I've already gone pee.

      I'm glad your son is also fine. :)

      Delete
    2. AnonymousApril 23, 2013 at 7:06 AM

      Andie, between Eli's post and your comment...I can't function properly now. I snorted, SNORTED, from laughing so hard. I did not know this was possible.

      ~V&T

      Delete
    3. JNCApril 23, 2013 at 4:28 PM

      I'm literally CRYING! but i did laugh so hard my son came running through the house yelling, let me see! let me see! then how do i explain that it is not appropriate for a 5 year old??

      Delete
    4. ShellyMay 4, 2013 at 6:30 AM

      I had never been to this blog before, and today I stumble upon it, and I'm laughing so hard. I had to get out my inhaler ( dang allergies). Not only because of the post but, because of Andie's son's misfortune! I love it here!

      Delete
    5. AnonymousMay 14, 2013 at 3:39 PM

      I have to agree, between the blog post and you comment Andie, i'm in a laughter coma if that's even possible LMAO

      Delete
    6. AnonymousJune 27, 2013 at 11:45 AM

      i hurt my throat....so painful....yet so funny....

      Delete
  3. AnonymousApril 23, 2013 at 5:10 AM

    Oh Eli, you make me laugh so very much. I read your blog after another blog about a baby girl who needs a heart transplant. It makes me cry, so then, when I read yours I am cheered up. That is the only reason I would ever read someone else's blog before yours.

    ReplyDelete
  4. DanielleApril 23, 2013 at 8:13 AM

    Eli,
    Daniel is a group at friend, ugh I mean a great friend!! LOL Auto correct is awesome.
    Hold on to Daniel, he is clearly aware of your quirks and seems mostly okay with them. He also knows and loves your family. I am also pretty sure he wouldn't let your porch baby starve.

    ReplyDelete
  5. UnknownApril 23, 2013 at 9:57 AM

    One time i accidentally asked a friend how his "testes" were instead of his "tests" (meaning school exams). i still don't know if it was a typo or autocorrect. Either way, i wanted to die.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousApril 23, 2013 at 10:10 AM

    Hahaha!!! I've found that autocorrect (or Siri for that matter) are kind of pervs. Why does it always go THERE? I've had some uncomfortable moments with my boss AND my bishop in the last week.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousApril 23, 2013 at 10:15 AM

      please please please tell us what you wrote to you Bishop!!!! You mentioned it!! YOu gotta share it!!

      Delete
    2. WendiApril 23, 2013 at 10:20 AM

      Need more info...about the bishop at least :)

      Delete
  7. EmilieApril 23, 2013 at 10:14 AM

    I was sitting in class paying complete attention to my prof... and I ended up bursting out laughing!!! AH Eli! You made my week!

    ReplyDelete
  8. AnonymousApril 23, 2013 at 10:18 AM

    I'm so NOT supposed to be reading this at work - and I just spray-laughed all OVER my computer!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. kjaxApril 23, 2013 at 10:33 AM

    I would think you would be able to answer the last one, what with Lohan and all. Maybe Stan and Lohan can be friends.

    Man, those homophobic homosexuals are something else. I actually knew one once. Once he came out he was able to let go of the homophobia but before that, he was a handful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousApril 23, 2013 at 12:08 PM

      I have a friend who is out of the cloaet and still homophobic lol

      Delete
  10. Karen M. PetersonApril 23, 2013 at 10:48 AM

    I am crying from laughing! These are hilarious. Totally needed this today!

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousApril 23, 2013 at 10:57 AM

    This is fantastic! Will your mom adopt me??

    ReplyDelete
  12. UnknownApril 23, 2013 at 11:03 AM

    Umm, can I come live with Cathie? She's pretty much the bomb.

    ReplyDelete
  13. UnknownApril 23, 2013 at 11:30 AM

    I'm sitting in the library at BYU-I busting out laughing! Oh my gosh...

    ReplyDelete
  14. AnonymousApril 23, 2013 at 12:10 PM

    Hahaha the first one kills me and I'm relieved to hear you didn't rape anyone or have plans to

    ReplyDelete
  15. Toni CookApril 23, 2013 at 1:34 PM

    I once asked my friend what he was doing and received the reply,"muffin god what-not." He was trying to say 'mudding and what-not', but I loved the first one so much I use it now whenever I don't want to tell people what I'm actually doing. Lol.

    ReplyDelete
  16. AnonymousApril 23, 2013 at 1:59 PM

    I love these strangers.... :)
    michelle

    ReplyDelete
  17. StephApril 23, 2013 at 3:47 PM

    I just laughed so hard I'm dizzy now. Thank you, Eli!!!

    ReplyDelete
  18. LizabethApril 23, 2013 at 3:53 PM

    You have to watch out for T9 too!! My phone LOVES to change Related to Perverted when I'm not paying attention, along with a lot of other things... I've sent super awkward texts on accident more times than I can count wit T9, and more than I have using my mums phone that has autocorrect...

    ReplyDelete
  19. AnonymousApril 23, 2013 at 4:06 PM

    I'm not going to lie, I have wondered before if you were gay and for a second, before you clarified that it was an autocorrect problem, I said to myself "I knew it". Sorry.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ELIApril 23, 2013 at 6:04 PM

      Yeah. It was interesting to get my phone's perspective on it.

      Delete
  20. ApolloEllieApril 23, 2013 at 4:44 PM

    Eli, you trip me out. I laughed SO hard.

    ReplyDelete
  21. KimmbyApril 23, 2013 at 5:05 PM

    I couldn't stop laughing! You should submit some of those to Ellen's Clumsy Thumbsy!

    ReplyDelete
  22. AnonymousApril 23, 2013 at 6:08 PM

    This is hilarious... On an off note, I'm beginning to notice that you mostly reply to the "Haters" on here. Im going to start trolling to get a reply from you. . .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousApril 23, 2013 at 6:25 PM

      That's why when I want him to answer (and I barely comment on this blog), I post as anonymous and in a straight forward manner. I have a feeling that when he sees my name or anything that suggests who I am, he ignores it on purpose (Although I understand it must be kinda hard/time-consuming to have to answer to so many comments).

      Delete
    2. AnonymousApril 23, 2013 at 6:31 PM

      I don't know Eli but I assume that it's because if you're telling him how awesome and funny he is, he's obviously okay with that. But if you say anything that might sound accusing and suggest something he is not, then he wants to make sure his reputation is not damaged.

      Delete
  23. AnonymousApril 23, 2013 at 6:31 PM

    I was trying to do the quiet laugh as I read these and my partner looked at like I was going crazy. You sir are a class act. BnR.

    ReplyDelete
  24. AnonymousApril 23, 2013 at 6:34 PM

    I was kidding, I understand he can't reply to every comment on here, I just wanted to call him on it and give him some crap. Maybe He can train Trixy to come up with witty replies to all of our comments

    ReplyDelete
  25. MackenzieApril 23, 2013 at 9:25 PM

    I was already LOLing (thats what the kids call laughing now, i hear.) at the part about "interneting" near "the wifi". Thanks for always making me laugh, kid.

    ReplyDelete
  26. mandaApril 24, 2013 at 12:05 AM

    I realize you *probably* already know these guys since you're all Mormon... ;)But here are some entertaining autocorrect videos!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzebGvGH1h4&list=PL0LPMtuobLNlRgCU7UaieknUe_waJcH-N

    ReplyDelete
  27. AnonymousApril 24, 2013 at 7:26 AM

    You should post these on DYAC.com. Damn you autocorrect!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  28. jgirlApril 24, 2013 at 12:11 PM

    CAN'T. STOP. LAUGHING!!! om g(oodness), Eli you are a gem! ;) I love it!

    ReplyDelete
  29. The Snarky VampireApril 25, 2013 at 7:48 AM

    I feel your autocorrect problems... I was trying to text my sister the other day, and I attempted to say: "I just read the Jazz post and I'm cracking up". Unfortunately my phone changed post to p*ssy (not sure why that word is even in my dictionary). Needless to say, we both got quite a laugh out of it.

    ReplyDelete
  30. EmilyApril 25, 2013 at 10:27 AM

    Lol, I have some sly friends too.

    ReplyDelete
  31. AnonymousApril 26, 2013 at 12:37 PM

    OMG! That was so funny! I loved reading this!

    ReplyDelete
  32. AnonymousMay 14, 2013 at 3:43 PM

    i always type Crockpot like this and spell check gives me several options one being changing it to Crackpot because crock-pot should have a dash or a space in between the two words, cracks me up every time I type it.

    ReplyDelete

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