Last night I was forced to watch "The Hobbit." I did not then, nor do I now, have any idea what was happening in that movie.
Eli: Wait just one damn minute. How old is Dumbledore?
Daniel: . . . In Harry Potter?
Eli: No. I know how old he is in Harry Potter. How old is he in this?
Daniel: He's not in this.
Eli: Ok Daniel (condescendingly). And I guess THAT guy right there with the giant beard is Santa Clause?
Daniel: That's Gandalf.
Eli: Same thing. Anyway, how old is he?
Daniel: I don't know. Old. Like hundreds of years.
Eli: REALLY!? He looks very good for his age.
Daniel: No he doesn't. He looks old.
Eli: Most people who are that old don't look like that.
Daniel: Nobody is that old. Everyone dies before they get that old.
Eli: Exactly.
Daniel: SHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
***30 minutes later***
Eli: Why is Dumbledore so huge?
Daniel: He's not.
Eli: He looks pretty big compared to the other people.
Daniel: That's because the other people are small.
Eli: Well that seems pretty egotistical of you.
Daniel: Huh?
Eli: Most of those people are not big like Dumbledore. He is above average in size. And yet you STILL consider his size the norm and you call all of the other people small. Typical tall person arrogance . . .
Daniel: Would you shut up and watch the movie.
***30 minutes later***
Eli: Who's that?
Daniel: Who?
Eli: That guy.
Daniel: Blah blah blah [says some name I don't care about and didn't listen to]! THE MAIN CHARACTER!
Eli: No. He appeared nowhere within the first 90 minutes.
Daniel: HE APPEARED IN ALL 90 OF THE FIRST 90 MINUTES!!!
Eli: OK Daniel. Whatever you say. [condescendingly]
Daniel: ARE YOU EVEN WATCHING THIS?!
Eli: YES. BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT'S GOING ON BECAUSE IT'S NOT IN ENGLISH!
***30 minutes later***
Eli: Ok. I figured it out.
Daniel: Figured what out?
Eli: The whole movie.
Daniel: Ugh.
Eli: So. The trolls are Australia, those big guys are Ireland, the ones with pointy ears are Switzerland, the huge Wizards are Denmark, and the average sized people are Canada.
Daniel: What the . . .
Eli: And the fairies are . . . probably France or something.
Daniel: There aren't fairies in this.
Eli: Don't try to ruin this for me. I've finally made sense of this whole mess.
Daniel: No. No you have not.
***30 minutes later***
Eli: Why is that guy that you claimed was in the first 90 minutes now invisible?
Daniel: Because he's wearing the ring.
Eli: What ring?
Daniel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
***An infinite amount of time passes. The movie ends.***
Eli: ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!?!? THAT'S THE END?!?!?
Daniel: Yes.
Eli: I JUST WATCHED A 14 HOUR MOVIE AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN COME TO A RESOLUTION?!?!?
Daniel: This was part I of a three part series.
Eli: THEY'RE GOING TO MAKE 2 MORE OF THESE!?!?
***20 minutes later***
Eli: So what is a "hobbit" anyway? And was there one in that film?
Daniel: There should be a special hospital for you.
Eli: YEAH! Then I could make friends with other people who have my special skills!
Daniel: No. Not a hospital for people like you. A special hospital just for you.
~It Just Gets Stranger
I felt this way as well. I had no clue what was happening when I watched that movie. Not one.
ReplyDeleteYou must make Lord of the Rings fans so upset. Very funny but hard to believe you don't know anything about the books or movies. But still funny.
ReplyDeleteLOL! This is how I feel every time my nephews tell me about their video games. :)
ReplyDeleteWell- I suggest you read the books-- the books are much better. You have The Hobbit and then in a 3 part series you have The Lord of the Rings. The movies are good but the books are amazing. That is if you are a huge reader. But if you aren't- I can totally see how confusing this movie could be. I feel that way about Ironman-- I've watched many times and yet, I just don't get it. Nope not one bit. Always confused.
ReplyDeleteAgree completely. The movies are unwatchable. Of course it makes sense as the books are completely unreadable. And this is coming from a former English major who became a librarian, which means I have studied literature extensively. And, by the way, I generally enjoy Fantasy and Science Fiction. Just not this one. Have never understood the attraction of the Lord of the Rings. Pretentious, over-inflated garbage!
ReplyDeleteAnd now I shall probably have to join a Witness Protection Program to avoid all the people who now think I deserve death for saying such things. Yes, this will be an anonymous posting!
oh I have to agree, any book that drones on and on and on for pages after page describing a green field is not worth reading. I know what a green field looks like I don't need the details of every stinking blade of grass. And the story moves so slowly, like a snail on a cold day stuck in freezing molasses. And like you Anonymous, I shall remain Anonymous because I'll have to join you in the witness protection program. Especially if my husband figures out who wrote this!! LOL
DeleteBTW, J. R. R. Tolkien is widely considered one of the best fantasy authors of all time--he's the reason we have fantasy books. If he hadn't written the Lord of the Rings, fantasy would have died out because it was considered frivolous by many. Your argument is invalid. ;)
DeleteThen you better not read the Clan of the Cave Bear Series by Jean M Aaul....Small print 6 books I counted a 8 page discription on how to make a flint knife... Yes I read all the books, Yes I liked them..NO I don't recommend them to anyone. NOW The books that read like Crack...The Outlander Series by Diana Gabladon...Better just take a month off...
DeleteThe problem is that literature is so subjective. Not everyone likes the same kind of writing style or even genre. It's like food, food is subjective. Take tomatoes for instance, I personally can't stand them. Don't like the taste or the texture. My husband looks at me as if I were nuts, he loves tomatoes and eats them like apples. Neither one of us is right or wrong, we just have different tastes. Same thing applies to literature. Take for instance my brother and I. I happen to love Harry Potter, my little brother does not. He likes to read history books, which I wouldn't read at all. Neither one of us is right or wrong, we just have very different tastes in literature. Not everyone is going to like the Hobbit or Lord of The Rings, nor do they have to. So, the Anonymous who told the other Anonymous that their argument is invalid, I have to tell you that your argument is invalid. Literature is very subjective and not everyone has the same tastes in what they want to read. If you like a descriptive writing style then you will like Lord of the Rings. If you don't like a descriptive writing style, you probably won't.
Deleteyes, I agree with Daniel. A special hospital just for you. What will you say next? That you have no clue what Star Trek is?
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteHe doesn't. Poor soul. Here's the blog post to prove it. :-) http://www.itjustgetsstranger.com/2013/02/a-conversation-about-star-trek.html
DeleteRead 'The Hobbit'. The book is a million times better than the movie. And it was written for children. You could probably read the entire book in the time it takes to watch the movie, and it'd be easier to follow.
ReplyDeleteEli, you're great in a lot if ways (from what I gather from this blog), but Daniel deserves another major award for this. Just sayin'.
ReplyDeletePoor Daniel. I'll watch movies with you.
ReplyDeleteI feel sympathy for Daniel for sitting through a 3.5 hour movie with you. A magnificent movie at that. Why does he still watch movies with you? It's like Daniel school of Hair, after 15+ times, Its clear that Eli just shouldn't watch any movie with a storyline that gets more complicated than Dora the Explorer.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy reading your blog, but I don't think we could be friends in real life.....or at least we could never ever watch movies together. I was frustrated just reading how many times you interrupted poor Daniel!
ReplyDeleteIf you don't have any idea--watch the Fellowship of the Ring, the Two Towers, and the Return of the King, that would be interesting. Or better yet--read the book!
ReplyDeleteSometimes I think of Eli as a high-maintenance, hysterical two year old and Daniel as a frazzled mom and everything seems to make more sense...
ReplyDeleteNew favorite comment ever.
DeleteYa this is Emily From America. Up there and down here.
DeleteThis explains everything. I was about to be a bit upset at Eli, but I just needed it in perspective. Thank you.
DeleteThis post makes me sad.
ReplyDeleteI would kill you. I can't believe Daniel is still your friend after ruining both the Hobbit and Star Trek for him. Those are grounds for a friend divorce.
ReplyDeleteOh Eli, I'm right there with you. I'm absolutely hopeless when it comes to movies. I'm always that person you don't want to rent a movie with because I'll start yelling if you don't answer my questions. My friend duct taped my mouth, gave me pen and paper so I could write down my questions for AFTER the movie, and then ate ALL of the popcorn.
ReplyDeleteHeartbreaking. Poor Daniel.
ReplyDeleteI'm completely with you on this. I have not stayed awake during an entire viewing of any of the Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter movies. I just don't get the fascination everyone has for them. Here's a hint, if you snore loud enough, people quit asking to watch movies they know you don't want to see.
ReplyDeleteMy ex boyfriend took me to this movie for my birthday. I felt the same way about the end. 3 hour movie with no resolution. I told him this is why we are not together I am already old enough and have no time to waste in pointless movies.
ReplyDeleteWell now, see, now I'm wondering why you picked the trolls for Australia? Does that make me a trollette? Baby troll? Trolly?
ReplyDeleteLove it! ;)