Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Shallow Tinder

Good morning, all. It's freaking cold. But I have exciting news. I'm going to be telling a story on The Porch this Thursday evening at Muse in Provo. The show starts at 8:30 and I believe I'll be opening it this time. I just found out about this yesterday. It's not like I was keeping it from you because I was mad. I hope to see every single one of you there. And then I hope all of you who can't get in because there isn't enough room have a huge gang fight in the street. But if you want to make sure you are not a part of that gang fight, you can get your tickets now here.

Recently I hung out with my friends, Jess and Marie. And our other good friend, Tinder.

I gave you a very accurate and detailed explanation and report of Tinder not long ago. Since then I have experimented with it and tested its limits.


I have a really bad track record of taking other people's phones or computers and starting ridiculous conversations with one of their contacts. I should have learned my lesson when I did this freshman year of college to my friend Betsy when I took her laptop and confessed her undying love to one instant message contact whom I didn't know but who was online at the time. Rather than just be weirded out by "Betsy's" message, "I LOVE YOU AND ALWAYS HAVE AND WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES TODAY!" this guy responded in kind. And told her that he was always too afraid to tell her how he felt because he didn't know if she would reciprocate the feelings.

And then I quickly tried to convince Betsy to love this person because that seemed like the easiest way out of the mess I had just caused. But Betsy just responded to my pleas with "why are you asking me about this guy? I would NEVER date him! He's a weirdo." Then I turned the laptop over to her and ran out of the room and never talked to her again.

So with that history in mind, Jess and I took Marie's phone and began Tindering for her. We right swiped ("liked") a good number of folks and eventually one of them started chatting with her. So we responded. And somehow DIDN'T scare him away.


Note: Marie is very attractive.

 ~It Just Gets Stranger
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16 comments:

  1. AnonymousDecember 10, 2013 at 8:27 AM

    HahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JaysonDecember 10, 2013 at 5:21 PM

      That was my favorite part!

      Delete
    2. AnonymousDecember 18, 2013 at 8:56 AM

      Me too! I laughed at their fake laugh and then again at the anonymous fake laugh laugh and I'm still laughing. I need sleep. Lolololololol!!! ;)

      Delete
  2. BradDecember 10, 2013 at 8:29 AM

    This is hysterical. "Specially when it's outside." WTF?!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Mandy L.December 10, 2013 at 8:30 AM

    You're such a good matchmaker Eli. You should go into business. People would totally thank you for your incredible service to mankind. You know, the ones who were still speaking to you.....

    ReplyDelete
  4. Tom L.December 10, 2013 at 8:32 AM

    Favorite part: THAT HE ACTUALLY ANSWERED THE QUESTION ABOUT WHETHER HE LIKED OUTSIDE OR INSIDE.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sarah A.December 10, 2013 at 9:45 AM

      ^^ YES.

      Delete
    2. It Just Gets StrangerDecember 10, 2013 at 9:55 AM

      It was a very sensible response. I mean, he likes doing some very inside things inside. And other things, well, he likes doing them outside.

      Delete
  5. AnonymousDecember 10, 2013 at 10:46 AM

    So excited to go to the Porch this week!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Miranda PridgeonDecember 10, 2013 at 11:08 AM

    That is such a great idea!!! Can't wait to get my hands on someones phone!!! HA

    ReplyDelete
  7. MarieDecember 10, 2013 at 12:47 PM

    Eli, just so you know, Inside/Outside Guy and I are like, totally hitting it off, like totes. But the V-Neck Guy also found you witty and charming. Robot Guy, not so much.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WendiDecember 10, 2013 at 2:07 PM

      Eli, where oh where is the "like" button I have been asking for? I need to "like" this.

      Delete
  8. JulieDecember 10, 2013 at 2:19 PM

    He's a keeper! "You had me at your proper use of 'You're'."
    http://static.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/1319031357076_1867873.png

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousDecember 10, 2013 at 5:22 PM

      Yeah, he was surprisingly on top of that for being otherwise . . . well . . . answering questions like "do you lik inside er outside."

      Delete
  9. LeeDecember 11, 2013 at 11:57 AM

    Speaking for all the guys here, I think we need verification on Marie being attractive. I believe you need to post some pictures of her for us to completely agree with your statement. Otherwise we're not sure we can EVER believe anything you say ever again...EVER!

    *cough*

    o_O

    ReplyDelete
  10. Karen M. PetersonDecember 14, 2013 at 4:06 PM

    I'm still stuck on what you did to Betsy. That's hilarious!

    ReplyDelete

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