Daniel's Laundry Intervention

Daniel flew into Salt Lake City today. He'll be here for only 24 hours. I picked him up at the airport and drove him to my house. My sister, Krishelle, came over for Sunday dinner.

Daniel: Eli, does Rebecca do your laundry?

Eli: No. She's the worst person who has ever lived. She doesn't do my laundry and she makes gluten free shakes every day and tries to convince me they taste just like ice cream. And I fall for it every time and have to throw up into the sink.

Daniel: I'm confused. If Rebecca isn't doing your laundry, who is?

Eli: I don't know. I just pick up clothes off of the floor every morning.

Krishelle: Wait. What? So you don't wash your clothes?


Eli: Well I'm sure somebody does, Krishelle.

Daniel: This doesn't surprise me. I remember many times in Palau thinking that if I wasn't there Eli would have died from wearing toxic clothing.

Eli: Ok. That's not fair. I did my laundry sometimes.

Daniel: You did it none of the time.

Eli: 20%

Daniel: 0%

Eli: 18%

Daniel: 0%

Eli: 15%

Daniel: This isn't a negotiation. You did laundry ZERO times in Palau.

Eli: Well I'm sorry if I was just too busy doing everything else and so didn't have time to wash our clothes, too.

Daniel: What was it you were doing? Besides crying in a corner and complaining that people weren't paying enough attention to you.

Eli: Well I was also very busy--

Daniel: AND besides gaining 30 pounds twice and singing Miley Cyrus songs at the top of your lungs.

Eli: Oh. Well, nothing then. I guess.

Krishelle: Well didn't Eli do a lot of cleaning around the house?

Eli & Daniel: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Krishelle: No cleaning?

Daniel: What other cleaning would even need to be done?

Krishelle: Well, who swept the floors, for example?

Daniel & Eli: Leotrix.

Krishelle: That's terrible. You should have swept your floors.

Eli: What was the point, Krishelle? We knew Leotrix was just going to break in and clean everything up anyway.

Krishelle: But if you had swept the floors, you wouldn't have had to deal with Leotrix. He wouldn't have broken in had you not had crumbs all over the place.

Daniel: But we didn't have to sweep the floors, Krishelle. Because Leotrix.

Eli: [To Daniel] Why doesn't she understand this?

Daniel: [To Eli] It's like she's not even listening to us . . .

Krishelle: It's amazing that either of you are alive. But it's especially amazing that BOTH of you are alive.

~It Just Gets Stranger