Rebecca's Allergies

Just now my living-in-sin roommate, Rebecca, and I were sitting in the apartment working.

Rebecca: I'm allergic to something.

Eli: Ok . . . do you want to talk about it?

Rebecca: What is this couch made of?

Eli: You think you might be allergic to my couch?

Rebecca: Don't look at me like that. Allergies are a real thing.

Eli: Oh. Right. Like your wheat "allergy?"

Rebecca: For the last time, THAT IS A REAL THING!

Eli: If you mean it's a real thing like color blindness is a real thing, then yes. I agree with you.

Rebecca: Color blindness is a real thing.

Eli: Look. It's ok. Everybody believes in different things. Some people believe in God. Other people believe in things like wheat allergies and vampires.

Rebecca: Wheat allergies and vampires are not even close to being in the same category!

Eli: Anyway, I looked up your so-called disease and I didn't find any information on it that was consistent with all of the garbage you told me about it.

Rebecca: What disease did you look up?

Eli: Sickle Cell Anemia.

Rebecca: That's not my disease. I have Celiac Disease.

Eli: That's the exact same thing.

Rebecca: Not even remotely the same thing. Eli. For the last time, I cannot eat wheat. This is real.

Eli: I know for a fact that you can eat wheat because every time you buy new food from the store, I sprinkle wheat into it when you aren't looking and you haven't died yet.

Rebecca: I don't think you know what wheat is.

Eli: Me? Not know what wheat is? Maybe you haven't met my Mormon pioneer parents, Bob and Cathie, who used to grind their own wheat when I was a child.

Rebecca: I just googled "I think I'm allergic to my roommate" and the Internet says that I might be allergic to something that you use on your skin or maybe your cells. Can we please line up all of the personal hygiene products you use so I can test them?

Eli: Sure. [Eli turns on the water faucet]. Rebecca, meet the exhaustive list of Eli's personal hygiene products. Personal hygiene products, meet Rebecca.

Rebecca: Are you telling me you don't use soap?

Eli: [Eli points at the dish soap next to the sink] What do you call this?

Rebecca: That's for dishes. I'm wondering if you use soap for your body.

Eli: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! They don't make soap for your body, Rebecca.

Rebecca: Dating must be a really serious challenge for you.

Eli: Do you want to split this muffin? I only want half.

Rebecca: I feel like you aren't taking my problems seriously.

Eli: I can't imagine why.

Rebecca: I'm going to go sniff all of your things. Thanks for your help.

~It Just Gets Stranger