St. George Misery

This weekend Brandt (AKA Mr. Disney Prince Hair) and I ventured south to the magical land of St. George Utah. We thought this was a good idea because the half Ironman in St. George has somehow become only four weeks away and we thought the trip would give us an opportunity to check out the course. Also, I hoped that I could get some of my the-last-time-I-was-here-I-almost-drown-in-the-lake anxiety out of my system.

We showed up on Friday and arose bright and early Saturday to attempt a swim. I busted out Larry the wetsuit (he says "hi" by the way). We peacefully wandered down the dock. Put on our goggles. Did some arm stretches because that's what other people were doing. And then jumped into the water.

WHY THE HELL MUST ALL WATER BE SO COLD?!

You guys. I think my underwater scream was so piercing that all of the fish in the whole lake were immediately killed. But that water was so freaking cold they should be THANKING me.

We flopped this way and that way for a moment or two before retreating back to the dock.

Eli: WHY are we doing this?!

Brandt: I don't know anymore. I don't know why I do anything anymore. I think I just lost the ability to understand things.

Eli: What is the purpose behind all of this? Why do people do these things? What made us think that WE are the kind of people who do these things?!

Brandt: This is YOUR fault! You manipulated me into signing up for all of this.

Eli: I would hardly call lying to you about the amount of work it would involve and then guilting you into training with me "manipulation."

Brandt: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT MANIPULATION IS!

Eli: Really? Wow. I manipulate people a LOT then.

We hopped onto our bikes, Paul Cyclemon and Walt Spinny, and headed off to ride the entire half Ironman course.

I swear to you the whole course was like this [picture me holding my hand in a vertical position]. Start to finish. Up hill both ways. In snow up to here. While wearing a miniskirt.

How much did I cry? It would be easier to count the moments during that three-plus hour ride when tears weren't flying off of my face.

But we finished it. We finished it and wondered how on Earth we're going to do this in just four weeks when we also have to swim and run before and after the ride.

Paul Simon better be waiting at the finish line holding a cheesecake.

Eli and Paul Cyclemon.

I somehow hit 43 mph on this ride at one point. I think my spirit momentarily left my body when this happened.

Mr. Disney Prince Hair preparing to eat an absurd amount of Mexican food after an absurd amount of exercising. 

We learned that junk food really does bring the most happiness in life.

~It Just Gets Stranger