Heavy Labor with Grandma

I called Great Grandma Whittle a little over a week ago to see if Micalyne and I could come by so Micalyne could interview her for a paper she needed to write but grandma told me that she had fallen onto a chair the day before and cracked a rib so we decided to postpone the appointment. Grandma told me over the phone that she just wanted to stay low key that day so she would hopefully be feeling better the next morning to get out and watch the kids do the Easter egg hunt.

I called grandma again today to see how she was feeling and asked if I could stop by to see her. She sounded thrilled and then asked as though this was a business deal, "do you want to some work?" I told her I would love to but I had a meeting so would only have about 45 minutes but would get done what I could.

When I got to grandma's, she walked me out to her backyard and showed me a patch of dirt that was filled with weeds and she asked me to clean it out so that another time we could dig out her five rose bushes and move them over to this spot. I thought grandma would just go inside and rest while I worked on this but she was back out there with me about two minutes after I got started with a coat, gloves and a light peach handkerchief over her head like she was ready for some heavy labor. I asked her several times if she just wanted to go inside to stay warm but she kept saying that the fresh air was good for her as she bent over to pick up twigs that were littering her driveway. I thought about stopping her and found myself wanting to get in her way and pick up anything she was bending down to get but then I realized that this woman has lived more than four times longer than I have and is perfectly aware of what she is capable of so I should stop treating her like she's a child.

We worked for a little while--the entire time I was a nervous wreck because as much as a perfectionist as I am, I know that I get it from my mom's side as it's diminished slightly with each generation; my great grandma, therefore, has three generations more intensely perfectionist characteristics than I do and I was terrified to have her evaluate my work. At one point I asked her if my work was up to her standards; she just laughed. She never did answer me though.

Finally grandma agreed that the work was good enough for the day and I went in to wash my hands quickly. When I came back out, grandma was hunched over sweeping a pile of twigs into an old dust pan. I tried to take it from her but she just laughed and said "for heaven sakes, you're going to be late for your meeting if you don't go now! I can take care of this." I watched her for a little bit before I finally left at her several demands. Her old wrinkly hands scooped the brush into the dust pan and it seemed so interesting to me that those hands have done so much for so long. For a century they've cared for people, they've worked, they've served and now, in 2008, they were scooping up brush into an old dust pan. I don't know why that seemed so strange to me or why it was that watching grandma do this when she knows very well that there are hundreds of people that would be happy to do this for her made me respect her so much more when I thought I really couldn't respect her any more than I already did. But she finally looked up at me, handkerchief still around her hair, and smiled at me really wide, told me she loved me and then sent me on my way.

A Letter

First of all, I want to update everyone on canker situation; as of tomorrow morning, I believe that my final canker will be entirely healed. So many of you came through for me during this very difficult time and I want you to know that I tried every one's advice (literally at the same time) and I credit the healing process to each of you. This was a group effort and I think we are all a lot stronger now because of it.

I was recently going through some old things and I came across a stack of letters I wrote to my mission president each week in Ukraine. We were strongly encouraged to write a letter once a week to our mission president and at the end of our missions, he gave us back all the letters we wrote--I guess for me it was so I could re-live how dramatic I could be at times. But it was fun to read through some of them again and bring back some of the interesting memories.

I came across one that I wrote on November 7th 2004. This was a particularly trying time for me. I was in a newer area full of challenges that seemed insurmountable to me at the time. On top of that, I had been assaulted in the street about a week previous to writing this letter and had become quite discouraged because of that. But despite the difficulties and the heaviness I was feeling, it was still a time of miracles, some of which I written about in this blog before.

This letter is interesting to read in light of some of the very different yet real challenges I face now, almost four years later. The story I wrote about is one I've thought about often since 2004 and each time I do, I take something new with me. The letter reads:

"I once ran a race in college where at some points the water went up to our knees and at all times the mud was at least deep enough to cover our feet. It was pouring rain and everyone was covered with mud. I had developed a stress-fracture on my left leg in the months leading to this race and was forced to take some time off but against the doctor's orders, I ran the race--you see--it was the most important race of the year and if I didn't run, it could have hurt my team's outcome. We ended up losing by only a few points. Sometimes life feels like that race--I mean--often we trudge through the more difficult times just sloshing through ice-cold water up to our knees only to get to the "better" times where the mud is still deep enough to cover our feet. And we rarely find ourselves running downhill on short-cut grass on a beautiful cool day. Trying to understand these things can be frustrating but then I remind myself that the training schedule of an Olympic athlete doesn't usually consist of taking a bubble-bath. They run up mountains. They swim across lakes. They do those things because they make them grow. They could sit around all day--it would sure be easier. But they can't afford to do anything other than that which would make them a good athlete and I think that's how Heavenly Father works with us. He could detour the route onto a beautiful golf course but he knows that we can't afford to do anything less than that which will really make us grow-- so he sends us uphill into a swamp. I'm grateful for a God who does things like that."

Letter of Intent

Just when you thought I couldn't possibly get any more ambitious (ha ha), I got up at 6:00AM today and did a killer abs workout with Jason for about an hour. I'm sort of dying right now but it's all for a good cause.

After the workout we came home and I had one of those life changing, I'll-never-forget-the-day, bench-mark moments: I signed a letter of intent and mailed it off, letting BYU Law know that I have decided to continue my schooling there in the fall. This was not an easy decision for me. I was actually accepted into the school last December but I've just sort of been dragging my feet in making a decision. Last week when I finally decided, it was sort of an empty feeling. I thought that when I finally made the decision I would be bouncing off the walls (more than usual) and singing at the top of my lungs (louder than usual) for weeks but I found that when I started telling people I had made a decision, I said it as though I was kind of disappointed in myself.

I think that part of it is simply because there has always been something inside me, driving me to choose the more extreme, challenging, stretching and daring options when it comes to things like this. I'm also drawn to trying new things and I'm the first to admit that I am quite stubborn and will make decisions based on defiance or going against what I think is probably expected of me. My freshmen year of college is certainly evidence of that. And I suppose that staying at BYU didn't feel extreme, challenging, stretching and daring enough to me when I finally made that decision, although I'm not exactly sure why I feel I need to make law school any more of those things than it already is.

But as I've thought about this decision, my attitude has changed significantly; I have made the right decision and have finally reached a level of maturity where I don't have to let my emotions govern my choices in order to feel like a real person or to prove something to the people around me. And as I signed that letter of intent this morning and put it in the mail box, there was a sense of direction and excitement that was quite a confirmation for me. It was a different feeling than I had expected but it was a better feeling. There is so much worth staying here for. So many great friends that I'll still get to see. So many partially built relationships that I'll get to continue building. So much more time with my family and the opportunity to watch my nieces and nephews grow up for the next few years. Plus, they put a Cheesecake Factory in Salt Lake so I should be fine.

Now all of you are just wondering how somebody who doesn't even know that canker sores are not spelled "soars" could get into law school in the first place (BTW, thanks Nancy for informing me of that. That would have been nice to know 5 days ago though!). Well the next three years are going to be exciting and challenging. I really want to be able to say for the rest of my life at any given moment that the best year of my life is the last one that I lived; I can say that right now and it feels great--I can't wait to say it again next year at this time.

Canker Sores

This entry is intended to be completely serious. I am currently dying. I am dying a slow and painful death. A death of misery and suffering. A death that is unstoppable and unpreventable. I am dying from my mutating, mating, miserable canker sores from hell. And there is nothing I can do about it.

How do I know that there is nothing I can do about it? Found out all day today at work when I became bound and determined to discover what causes the tiny curses and how the heck I'm supposed to fight them; and I got the same answer online, in books, and from all the people I know- there is no known cause, there is no known cure, and there is NO hope. My friend Jason told me they are probably a direct result of sin. This may be true. If it is true, I really wish I could get cursed with something I can bare, like cold sores, hang nails, warts, tuberculosis, heart burn, kidney stones, spider veins, or some fungus that you can only kill through amputation. But canker sores are too much for me.

I did find out that doctors recommend that people with canker sores stop using toothpaste containing SLS, which caused a dramatic scream tonight when I realized that my toothpaste is practically just one giant glob of SLS and that, after looking through the whole house, I only found that all toothpaste is one giant glob of SLS. So I now will go one more night, my mouth a burning bloody heap of pain and woe. And there's nothing I can do about it but drain a whole bottle of NyQuil or whatever other legal drug I can get my hands on, wrap myself in a warm blanket and lay on the floor, crying myself to sleep. That is--if I can actually get to sleep. All this while the two canker sores I already have mate and create more. I wonder if someone somewhere has some kind of satanic voodoo doll that they are using to give me cancer of the mouth. Of course that would mean that someone cares enough about me to create a voodoo doll in my behalf which may actually be slightly less satanic and a bit more flattering.

Any advice on the matter would be GREATLY appreciated!! (I'm referring to the canker sores- not the voodoo dolls).

~It Just Gets Stranger

Amsterdam and Egypt!

We bought our tickets to Amsterdam last week!!!! (we= my sister Krishelle+grandma whittle (not my great grandma that I have written about- that would be hilarious)+uncle Will+me). We're leaving May 29th and we'll fly into Amsterdam and spend a day or two there plus a day or two in either London, Paris, or Copenhagen and then we'll fly down to Egypt and spend 9 or 10 days there traveling around, doing the strangest stuff we can think of, at one point floating a ways up the Nile on boats that apparently have a reputation for not always floating. Last night a friend told me that they know someone who went fishing on the Nile and saw a dead horse float by, which is actually still making me a bit queasy; but I'll see a dead horse if it means I get to spend a week and a half in Egypt getting the best tan (aka sunburn) of my life. Can't wait. We'll fly back up to Amsterdam on the 12thish of June and then fly back to the states on June 13th. Unless I unexpectedly get lost in Egypt and stay there for the rest of my life which is always a possibility. We orgininally wanted to go over to Jerusalem but shockingly my parents are not super excited about us parading up and down the Gaza strip right now in short Khaki shorts and over sized cameras hanging around our necks pointing out all the neat stuff like it's Disneyland (because I'm sure that going to Jeruselem means we would undoubtedly end up in the Gaza strip). And their worry is important to us so we altered our plans a bit although sweet Grandma Whittle has mentioned a few times that she still would like to find a way to make it to the "Holy Land" even if it does mean increased chances of having her head blown off in a freak terrorist attack on some bus. But Egypt will be just fine. Woot!

IM

This is my IM convo with my sister the other day so you can get a feel for what work is like. (By the way, soale is a word we made up that can mean anything and it's way overused).

McCann, Krishelle says:
soale!

McCann, Krishelle says:
no soale back?

McCann, Eli W. says:
soale :(

McCann, Eli W. says:
notary :(

McCann, Krishelle says:McCann, Krishelle says:
hate them :(

McCann, Krishelle says:
how's today?

McCann, Eli W. says:
soale!

McCann, Krishelle says:
soale :) or soale :(?

McCann, Eli W. says:
soale :(

McCann, Krishelle says:
oh no why?

McCann, Eli W. says:
notary. Tosally soale.

McCann, Krishelle says:
tosally....

McCann, Krishelle says:
we should submit soale to wikapedia

McCann, Eli W. says:
I agree. It's really important

McCann, Krishelle says:
it is really important

McCann, Krishelle says:
and people will want to know what it means

McCann, Eli W. says:
I'm sure it would get a lot of hits

McCann, Krishelle says:
I'm sure it would! IT's a question a lot of people have been asking

McCann, Eli W. says:
can you come get me

McCann, Krishelle says:
I was just there I waited out in my car honking for like 15 minutes and you never came out...

McCann, Krishelle says:
so, I came back to work

McCann, Eli W. says:
crap!

McCann, Krishelle says:
sorry should I come back?

McCann, Eli W. says:
yes please

McCann, Krishelle says:
ok but you owe me for gas

McCann, Eli W. says:
ok

McCann, Krishelle says:
40 million

McCann, Krishelle says:
that's just an estimate

McCann, Eli W. says:
ok. I'll transfer it over now

McCann, Krishelle says:
ok great thanks...I'll be there at 2:28

McCann, Krishelle says:
so just come out when I honk

McCann, Eli W. says:
k

McCann, Eli W. says:
so you're here right now?

McCann, Krishelle says:
yea come on out

McCann, Eli W. says:
k, just let me get my soale

McCann, Krishelle says:
just get in whatever car is running

McCann, Krishelle says:
ok great!

McCann, Krishelle says:
where should we go?

McCann, Eli W. says:
st george, park city outlets and costa rica

McCann, Krishelle says:
ok let's go...I'm waiting

McCann, Eli W. says:
Are you the lady with white big hair in the '88 Cadalac?

McCann, Krishelle says:
is the car running?

McCann, Eli W. says:
yup

McCann, Krishelle says:
if so then hop in...I had to wear a disguise

McCann, Eli W. says:
ok, cool. FYI, I'm disguised too so I'm the old man with stringy long black hair and go go boots getting in the passengers side.

McCann, Krishelle says:
oh great thanks for letting me know...I was a little confused

McCann, Eli W. says:
btw, how are you IMing if you're in the car?

McCann, Krishelle says:
wait what???

McCann, Krishelle says:
I'm so confused...

McCann, Krishelle says:
maybe that's not me.

McCann, Eli W. says:
I don't think it is actually

McCann, Krishelle says:
oh no get out of the car quick before she notices

McCann, Krishelle says:
so Loraca is oging to costa rica next week!

McCann, Eli W. says:
shutup

McCann, Krishelle says:
for a week and a half and going on the zipline

McCann, Eli W. says:
I hate her!

McCann, Krishelle says:
I am so jealous!

McCann, Eli W. says:
why are we not in Costa Rica like right now?!

McCann, Krishelle says:
good question

McCann, Krishelle says:
cause you never came out when I was honking

McCann, Eli W. says:
whatev. I was in the car going all over this valley checking every dollar store for hats with that old lady for 2 hours!

McCann, Krishelle says:
well itr's not my fault you got in the car

FHE

Once a month my family gets together for a special family home evening. All three of my siblings live in the Salt Lake area so I drive the farthest (about 35 minutes) to attend. It's always good to see the family despite my usually leaving with a headache and an extensive series of major anxiety attacks, all the result of too many hyperactive people crammed together for far too long; I use the word "hyperactive" referring mainly to four people who I love very very much: my two nieces, my nephew and myself.

Kaylee offered the prayer tonight to begin family home evening. She and I share a birthday and in just a couple of months she'll be 5 years old. I can't believe that she's already lived for half a decade; but it's been so fun to watch her grow up and turn into such an intelligent sweet little girl over the last several years.

Kaylee did a couple of new things in her prayer tonight- things that I've never seen in a prayer before. First in her excessive string of requests for blessings in various areas and for various things, she asked Heavenly Father to "please bless that this opening prayer will be a good prayer." It's never occurred to me to pray for the current prayer but why not? A little while later she asked, "and please bless my brother Jesus that he'll be happy . . . and . . . um . . . to tell him that I love him and . . . um . . ." the prayer went on. It reminded me of a prayer she gave about a year ago when I put her to bed and she said "and please bless Eli that he won't be so naughty any more." Made me wonder what her parents are saying about me while I'm gone.

I love that kid and funny as it is that she prays for prayers and wants to bless Jesus that he'll be happy, I can't help but admire the example of the adorable 4-year old. I wonder if a large part of why we are commanded to be like little children is because the way they perceive the world so much more closely resembles the way Christ does. I spend most of my time worrying about and wondering how Heavenly Father is going to help me be prosperous and happy but this sweet little girl, as is evidenced in her prayers, is concerned with the happiness of our Savior. I suppose I simply believe that God doesn't really need me to be concerned for him- he being perfect and all- but the point, rather, probably lies in a child's ability to care for someone, even if that someone is divine. See, we're told to follow in Christ's footsteps, and what better way to do that than to put forth full effort to care for him the same way we know he cares for us, even knowing that he can get by just fine without our concern.

And so it goes~

Name Dropping

I originally started this blog to recount some of the more bizarre and funny things that happen to me on a daily basis, or at least exaggerate otherwise simple and uneventful occurrences so they seem bizarre and funny but lately the posts have been a bit more serious and reflective. I feel like I should be sitting by a window while it's raining, Yanni softly playing in the background and flickering light from my last candlestick shooting streams of fiery light up the walls while I contemplate the things of life each time I write or read this blog lately. A bit weepy and sometimes drenched in melancholy lately for those who have followed this blog for a little while and know that until recently it was anything but melancholic. I certainly didn't intend for that to happen and so as I prepared to blog tonight I tried to think of something funny and crazy to write about. It's not as though I've run out of things to poke fun at or experiences to laugh about. I could write about my trip to the store recently with Krishelle when we ended up spending 15 minutes in the eyeglasses trying on every pair wishing that we needed glasses because we found so many that we liked. I could then tell you about how she called me several days later and said she went to an eye appointment "and I have really bad news. My eyes are perfect." I could write about how disappointed I was to hear that and then how hard I laughed after and still laugh about even now because of how ridiculous it is that we would want a part of our body to fail for fashion. But I have no quota to fill and no rules to follow in this blog--no, fortunately this is one piece of life that has no high expectations imposed and no boundaries set.

My friends and I constantly joke about name-dropping but I think I'll step into that sin a little bit tonight because this week I've had some interesting experiences with people whose names are worthy to "drop."

I attended a sealing in the Salt Lake temple on Friday and while waiting in the sealing room for the ceremony to begin, Quinn leaned over to me and said, "that's Elder Scott in the hall!"

I leaned over to see and then told Quinn that he was mistaken and that that man didn't look a thing like Elder Scott. But Quinn insisted that it was him and I forcefully disagreed for several minutes until the man entered the room and began speaking at which point in became very clear that I apparently am not very good at recognizing members of the Quorum of the 12 because this actually was Elder Scott. It was a small sealing- only 15 or 20 people- most definitely the most intimate setting I've ever had with an apostle. And it was one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had. The best word I can think of to describe the whole ordeal is "captivating." The entire experience was completely captivating as we listened to Elder Scott give tender counsel and very powerfully yet humbly pronounce those amazing eternal blessings with such authority.

I had definitely been spoiled enough with that temple experience but I was fortunate enough to have another just two days later. Elder Perry came to our stake conference today. He actually showed up part-way through our priesthood leadership meeting this morning and told us all to "sit down and listen!" with his quaint and vibrant humor after we stood up out of respect when he entered the room. I thought I had been asked to say the opening prayer in that meeting but thought I must have done something wrong when someone else was called up to pray. It turned out that I was scheduled to pray in the general meeting just a few hours later which worked out well for me because I got to sit up on the stand just behind Elder Perry the whole time.

I don't mean to sound like a dumb-struck fan begging stars for photos and autographs. I wouldn't be nearly as excited to be in the vicinity of any movie star, politician or celebrity of any kind. That's because the respect I have for these people far outreaches the respect I have for anyone outside the realm of my closest friends, family members and other priesthood leaders. I suppose that that's because the work they do and the example they set far outreaches even the most well-meaning humanitarian work of the most sweet-hearted celebrities outside of the church. I believe that has something to do with their intentions; these men know the meaning of selfless service better than any and they live that selfless service, sacrificing all of their time well into their old age when for most people it becomes physically difficult to continue doing the kind of work that these men and their wives do daily and well into the night. And I am so grateful that every once in a while I get to have a unique glimpse of these people as little reminders of the kind of good this world can contain.