Monday, April 30, 2012

Strangest Human Names

Last Friday I went to the Facebook Page and asked you for the strangest name you've ever heard parents give their child. You did not disappoint. I think we're going to have to do more of these brain storms together. They make for a hysterical Friday. And by the way, if you haven't already, please hop on and LIKE the Facebook Page.

In other news, the Ironman is this weekend. More on that in a couple of days. Start praying and sending your good luck our way, please. I also heard it's super good luck to buy one of our very attractive t-shirts so I would consider doing that if you haven't already (shoot me an email if you have questions about sizes/shipping/etc.).

Strangest Names
(I included the first name of the person who submitted. And I deleted duplicates, in case you're wondering where your entry is)

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Willard Bay

I know you may be tired of hearing me talk about swimming. If so, just replace the word "swim" with "Polka Dance" throughout this post. I have yet to write about Polka Dancing, so you can't possibly be sick of hearing me talk about that.

On Saturday we traveled north to Willard Bay for our third attempt to practice an open water swim. If you've been reading for a few months, you'll remember that the first attempt was so cold that my body actually got preserved, Walt Disney style, and I came out of it wondering whether I had slept through an entire generation of bad pop music. As it turned out, I was only frozen for 35 seconds (the amount of time I was in the water) and thus did not have the good fortune to sleep through however many seasons are left of Glee before it turns the human race so stupid that humanity can no longer survive. I give it 4 years. What can I say--I'm optimistic.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Free Screening

On Saturday my friend Dan told me he had a big surprise for me. He provided no hints and loaded me into his car at 11:00 AM. I was sure the surprise was food related, which is why I obliged without hesitation. But I started to grow worried after a few minutes in the car and I was informed that I wasn't being taken to a giant mountain of ice-cream. I was reminded once again what a mistake is to imagine a mountain of ice-cream when someone tells me a surprise is waiting for me somewhere. Because unless the surprise actually is a mountain of ice-cream, which has yet to be the case, I will necessarily be disappointed.

Then I noticed we were driving in the direction of the Bod Pod building and general growing worry dramatically evolved into all out panic as I started pulling at the moving car's door handle and pounding on the window while crying and saying things like, "pleasedon'tmakemethey'lltellmeIgotfatterIdon'twanttoIdidn'tdoanythingwrong!"

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

The Great Barf Lake

Ironman is now 3 and a half weeks a way. No joke. I've started referring to the day as "Satan" because this word much more accurately captures my sentiments in context.

"Satan will be here in just over 3 weeks."

"I have to learn how to swim before May 5th or Satan might kill me."

"May 5th, 2012, will be my first Satanic experience."


So to prepare for the arrival of Satan, we threw Larry and Seymour into the trunk of Daniel's car and headed west, toward the Great Salt Lake--soon to be renamed "Barf Lake," after I get in touch with the State Legislature, both because of its effect on anyone who gets near it and because of what I'm convinced it's actually filled with. I believe they meant to name it The Great Barf Lake in the first place but the early Mormon pioneers were worried that living in Barf Lake City would dissuade visitors from coming to buy their hand-made doilies. So they went with "Salt."

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Yahoo! Answers II

Happy Easter. To kick off Good Friday, I sought my good friends on Yahoo! Answers to help me out with some problems I've been having with my cat. Answer 3 on question 2 may have been written by my soul mate. Enjoy!


Question 1: Why has my cat stopped growing? After a while my cat stopped growing. I swear I'm feeding her every day. I've started giving her growth hormones but she isn't responding. She's only 4 or 5 years old. I grew until I was like 21. I just feel like I'm being a really crappy cat owner and I'm worried she's going to be taken away from me. Help!?!

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Not Far from the Tree

Years of speculation that I might be adopted were suddenly halted on Sunday when I watched Bob attempt to use technology. My sister Krishelle and I sat in the back seat of his car while Cathie subtly mocked his repeated failed attempts to use the voice activation mechanisms of his vehicle to prompt it to play such artists as Neil Diamond (a problem in and of itself). With each attempt, however, robot woman spat back conflicting commands, attempted to call people none of us had ever heard of, and persistently asked him to repeat himself. All of this prompted Bob to utter his favorite line of frustration: "for Pete's sake!" while Cathie giggled to herself and suggested that Bob and robot woman go through counseling together to work on their relationship. Bob: 0. Robot Woman: 1. Cathie: ever the antagonizer. I may have clipped a video of part of this thing, which you can find below: