Sunday, January 15, 2012

The First Eye vs. The Q of C

I had a horrific dream last night (the word "nightmare" doesn't quite do it justice). It involved the two creatures you have all come to know and love recently, but both of which are absolutely the most terrible things that I believe have ever been created other than Glee and sushi. The dream revolved around an upcoming epic battle between the Queen of Colors and The First Eye (in case you missed the description of The First Eye, click here). I'll spare you the details of why they were fighting and how they even knew each other--rest assured, it was all very complicated.  And in the dream, the battle never actually took place. There was just a lot of preparation and anticipation before I woke up in one of those half-screams-half-cries. But it's gotten me thinking all day today what would happen if those two forces of evil ever actually faced off. I'm still not sure who would come out victorious, but I did come up with a list of strengths and weaknesses that would factor into the whole thing:

The First Eye's Strengths:

-The ability to roll
-The ability to change size
-Stealth quiet movement
-One thousand blunt toes, which are usually very sharp by about November (since toenail cutting month isn't until March)
-Never closes his eye
-Always angry

The Q of C's Strengths:

-The ability to fly
-Capable of unspeakable evil
-Ability to tangle her shanks in hair (probably not applicable when fighting The First Eye)
-Unpredictability factor
-A vendetta against all living things because of a bad experience in the '80s involving someone's hair
-Always angry

The First Eye's Weaknesses:

-Incapable of punching or kicking
-The vast majority of his body is the most vulnerable part of his body
-Terrible peripheral vision
-Unable to grip weapons
-Zero allies

The Q of C's Weaknesses:

-Unable to lay eggs
-Unpopular at parties
-Small (but don't be fooled . . .)
-Decreased lung capacity due to a long life of smoking
-Has not aged well

If anyone has any thoughts on said hypothetical battle, please pass them along. I hope with everything in me that we never see the day where this hypothetical becomes a reality. But we ought to be prepared in case the worst happens.

~It Just Gets Stranger


  1. You really should have a 5th choice: all of the above.

  2. I'm a little disappointed that The First Eye is doing so poorly with votes. I don't think people fully understand its power.....

  3. No...I believe that the first eyes weakness is the proportion of the eye itself...thus queen of colors would just fly her ass into the eye while clawing. That eye is going down!

  4. Perhaps we should all start fasting and praying that this event never takes place. I mean, it is 2012 people, we can't be joking about the end of the world anymore.

  5. These are obviously both terrible foes, thus, the world would not survive to see the results.