Monday, October 5, 2015

Facetime with Rebecca

Eli: Becky, I need your help.


Eli: I know. That's why I called you. What the hell are you eating right now? It looks like Elmer's Glue. 

Rebecca: [Takes a large bite] it's a special kind of yogurt. It's VERY healthy.

Eli: When was the last time you ate something that tasted like food?

Rebecca: August 21, 2004.

Eli: I'm impressed with your specificity but I also feel the need to point out to you that you accepted the premise of my question.

Rebecca: It's easier than arguing with you.

Eli: Anyway, the help I need from you is actually on this topic. I'm making dinner tonight for some people and one of them has a gluten allergy and I need you to advise me.

Rebecca: Well, my first advice is not to refer to gluten allergies with finger quotes, like you just did.

Eli: Ok. But can I roll my eyes when I say it?

Rebecca: No.

Eli: Can I refer to Celiac as the "Loch Ness Monster of Diseases?" 

Rebecca: No.

Eli: Can I put a bowl of sawdust in front of the person and tell them that if they really have the disease they need to prove it by eating that while the rest of us eat freshly-baked bread?

Rebecca: No. You can't do any of the things you did to me while we lived together.

Eli: Well what the hell am I supposed to cook? 

Rebecca: Peas.

Eli: Ok. And?

Rebecca: Carrots. 

Eli: And?

Rebecca: I think that should be fine.

Eli: You think it would be fine for me to host a dinner party wherein I cook and serve only peas and carrots?

Rebecca: Maybe have some candy, too.

Eli: This might be the most unhelpful conversation we've ever had. And we've had a lot of really unhelpful conversations.

Rebecca: You knew what I was when you picked me up.

A few hours later:

~It Just Gets Stranger


  1. You asked Rebecca for help and not the Strangers??? Sniff. I'm hurt.
    (Btw, meat, potatoes, rice, veggies, all of those are naturally without gluten. Try not to poison your guests!)

  2. You asked Rebecca for help and not the Strangers??? Sniff. I'm hurt.
    (Btw, meat, potatoes, rice, veggies, all of those are naturally without gluten. Try not to poison your guests!)

  3. Oh sure, you give Rebecca your cell number but not me. Think of all the chats we could have and all the cool pictures I could send you of my dog and cats and me doing random things like eating a banana or jumping in mid air and pretending like I'm flying.

    1. "Texts with Lee," it could rival the Snuggie Texts.

    2. If you could promise texts like that (I also enjoy photos of people doing roly polys, people getting hit in the head with random flying objects and bugs - dead or alive - that people find in their houses), then I would sign up to texts from Lee.

      - Kiwi.

    3. Lee - I think it's highly unfair that you're offering your phone number to Eli and not the rest of the Stranger Universe. How SELFISH!

  4. Thanks for not disappointing! Usually I check "Stranger" in the afternoon slump...while I'm at work, of course. Today...what the hell...let's start the day off with some "Stranger". Ta da! Today is gonna be a good day!!

  5. I want this whole blog to be about Rebecca. And Bob and Cathie. But never Tami.

  6. so you should probably ware this shirt to the party. or get it for Rebecca

  7. Haha! Your conversations with your friends crack me up! And I'm super impressed with her talent to continue eating "food" that tastes like food for so long. Snaps for Rebecca!

    Also, I just wanted to stop in and let you know that I nominated you for the blogger recognition award! You've probably been nominated for this a million times before, but I wanted to let you know I think your blog is awesome and deserves some recognition for it! ;) Thanks for 5 years of laughs!

    You can read more about the award and your nomination here:

  8. I love Rebecca. Even with her fake diseases.

  9. Oh Eli. You should have come to me for your gluten free dinner suggestions! When in doubt, serve Mexican. Most of the time there are enough gf options in a Mexican fiesta for your "gluten free" friends to eat, while everyone else can enjoy and not feel like they've been put on a special diet for the evening. :D

  10. Lettuce and water is always a safe choice.

    - Kiwi

  11. Having a kid that has issues with gluten, I can tell you it's a challenge but you can get pasta that is gluten free and bread... And everything else the other strangers advised.

  12. I also roll my eyes when people say gluten allergy. Most of my skepticism comes from regularly listening to skeptoid. They had an episode that at least made me consider that it is possible (although way over-diagnosed):

  13. You call Rebecca "Becky"? This is really throwing me off....