Tuesday, May 16, 2017

What are you wearing?

A barely-exaggerated transcript of a conversation that happened today at work:

Woman: What are you wearing?

Eli: Oh I see what this is! Brianne put you up to this! Listen, I can wear the same t-shirt two days in a row. That doesn't make me a bad attorney.

Woman: But--

Eli: Not everyone has to wear a suit all the time. Get with the picture. This is 2017, ma'am.

Woman: I mean--

Eli: And another thing! What makes you think it's ok to walk up to someone and criticize the way they choose to dress?! Do I ask you why you're wearing those shoes?!

Woman: No--

Eli: Exactly! I leave you alone! I don't judge you for looking like a homeless person in a work environment so why do you think it's ok to judge me?!

Woman: I just meant--

Eli: MY RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS AND HUMAN RIGHTS ARE MY RIGHTS!

Woman: I'm asking--

Eli: MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO READ UP ON A LITTLE SOMETHING CALLED THE BILL OF RIGHTS!

Woman: But--

Eli: AS I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH--

Brianne: WOULD YOU SHUT UP!? SHE'S ASKING YOU WHAT COLOGNE YOU'RE WEARING!

Eli: Oh. Really?

Woman: Yes. I just noticed you smell good so I was wondering what you're wearing because I want to buy my husband some new cologne.

Eli: Oh. Wow! I'm so flattered! I don't even know what to say!

Woman: Well, what cologne are you wearing?

Eli: Oh, I don't know. This isn't my shirt.

I sometimes think I spend so much time having conversations with a dog that it's making me bad at conversations with people.

~It Just Gets Stranger

10 comments:

  1. How are you still single!?

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  2. How is he still alive?

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    Replies
    1. Out of two slightly different comments, this one wins by a nose.

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    2. Is he though?? I see a plot for a blockbuster movie here. Zombie lawyer with masses of loyal and amazing Strangers following his every move and thought... including things like his laundry habits, his taking out the trash havits, what he thinks about deviled eggs and PTA presidents. I ask again, is he though?

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    3. Because of me.....

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    4. And the work wife/office mom of the decade award goes to...Brianne! Get that woman a tiara and a very long vacation.

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  3. YES! Mr. Doodle! I've missed him! You are not allowed to go this long without sharing pictures of Duncan. This is a threat.

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  4. You are my spirit animal.

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    Replies
    1. Mr. Doodle is my spirit person.

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