And the Award Goes To

A few years ago Skylar and I started this thing where we try to see all of the Academy Award best picture nominees before the Oscars. Then we fill out our Oscar ballots and Skylar gets all but like one correct and I get zero correct and then I scream at him and accuse him of cheating and then he tells me I just need to apply myself more and do my research and it's very healthy.

The problem is we tend not to go to movies very much until the nominees are announced and then it's a mad rush to see nine films in like the last month, which is a lot of films to see in one month, especially when one of those films is The Irishman. I kid you not, The Irishman is over three-and-a-half hours long.

THREE. AND. A. HALF.

HOURS.

That's the length of two football fields if you convert it into distance. If you unwind the film from the VHS tape, it wraps around the Earth SIX TIMES. The Irishman is so long you can see it from space.

I watched this movie at home a few weeks ago and I legitimately had to take meal breaks. By the time it ended Duncan had grandchildren.

Anyway, we're in more of a predicament this year than usual because Skylar has negative zero time to watch nine films in one month, but he kind of doesn't realize that. I think he has so little time that he actually hasn't found the time to realize how little time he has.


But look. I record a TV and movies podcast for The Beehive (check us out--Hive Mind) and we're discussing the awards shows right now and I need to be prepared for that BECAUSE WHAT WE DO IS IMPORTANT.

Since I can't wait for Skylar, and I told him before we got married that I would not allow him to get in the way of my relationship with tv and movies, I have been plowing through the list without him.

He doesn't love this, but he seems to understand.

Except. There is one thing that I need someone to therapy for us because this is driving a wedge in our relationship: Skylar thinks it's a "spoiler" to say whether or not you like a film.

Look. I hate spoilers. I had a friend who told me when the last Harry Potter book came out he read the final chapter first and then went back to the beginning because he just wanted to know how it ended. And you know what I did? I permanently stopped talking to that friend and started spreading baseless rumors about him to ruin his life.

I don't need chaotic evil people like that in my life.

So I get it. I get not wanting spoilers. "Don't tell me how stuff ends." Check. I feel the same way. I got mad at my niece a couple years ago because she spoiled an episode of Daniel Tiger we were watching together.

"I understand you've seen this, honey, but I would like to find out for myself how Daniel's first day of school goes."

But saying "I really enjoyed that movie" is simply not a spoiler. And I very much want to tell Skylar whether I liked a movie after I've seen it.

This goes two ways. If he sees something before I get a chance to see it, I want to hear what he thinks. In fact, I enjoy hearing whether he liked it because then when I watch it I can try to figure out why he had the opinion he had.

He will legit get mad at me if I even make a facial expression about a film I've watched. One time he was watching a movie on a flight and I said "oh, I really like this next scene" and he took off his headphones, paused the movie, and told me he was disappointed in me as a person.

This is not a man who gets angry often. He is one of the most mellow people I've ever met in my life. You could mug him and after he would be like "I hope what little I was able to give helps you in what is clearly a trying time in your life."

I swear I could burn all of his possessions in a bonfire and he would slightly frown and tell me he forgave me.

But if he hears me from across a room say to someone else over the phone, "you should go check out Jo Jo Rabbit" and he hasn't yet seen Jo Jo Rabbit, he texts his divorce lawyer.

Anyway. I just needed to rant about that because this is an extremely hard thing in my life and I don't think you people understand my trials.

And also, you should go fill out your ballot on The Beehive. We are giving away gift cards to people who get the most correct guesses. I think the gift cards are even to Amazon or something useful.

Also, please enjoy a new Strangerville, featuring a special guest: Ms. Jolyn Metro.

This time in Strangerville, Jolyn fills in for Meg, and it only gets more ridiculous from there. Also a woman in a sleepy town develops a relationship with the police.

Story

Lincoln, by Amy Rose

Production by Eli McCann, Meg Walter, and Jolyn Metro

~It Just Gets Stranger