Pictures & Weekly Distractions

We have made it to another weekend and it has started off nicely for me. Today is a holiday in Palau and to celebrate, I ran a 10K sponsored by the Ministry of Health in a stop tobacco campaign. And I have a big announcement to make. I WON the 10K.

You are currently looking at the NATIONAL champion of 10K running for the tiny island nation of Palau. Well, you aren’t “looking” looking at me. But you know what I mean. Unless you are actually looking at me, in which case you’re sort of freaking me out. Just come out and say hi. We’ll probably be friends. You don’t need to hide.

Also, I don’t know how long you’ve been watching, but that dance I did this morning in my apartment on my way out the door . . . I was sleep walking. I don’t usually do that. Unless you’ve been watching for more than a day, in which case, ok, yes, I do normally do that, but it’s for a good cause. What? You don’t know what I’m talking about? Ha. Me neither. Never mind.

And now, your pictures and distractions:

Just before sunrise, looking over the bay from my balcony.

Yahoo! Answers IX

It's been too long guys. So I went to Yahoo! Answers to get some feedback on more of life's most important questions. And as usual, the strangers of the world did not disappoint.

Special thanks to Lora. Bless you.

Question 1: Can Cats commit adultery? My cats Trixy and Mr. Biggles have been married for about one year and I recently discovered that Trixy has not been faithful and now I'm worried that she won't go to heaven with us because the Bible says you can't commit adultery. Does the Bible apply to cats too?

1.  Not really. ~Max

2. Seriously kid? Seriously? Even if the bible was real it doesn't apply to non-humans! ~Awesome Guy

3. Yes. Jerry Springer is the next step. Maybe Maury. ~Meow

4. Since cats don't get married, I don't see how adultery could apply to them. You might be interested to know that cats are not mentioned in the Bible at all (unless you count lions).  ~Gary C

5. Humans, frankly, are more intelligent in a way than other animals. Humans can think and know that adultery according to the Bible is wrong, so according to the Christian religion, anyone who has committed adultery and hasn't repented is punished. Cats, however don't realize that adultery is wrong. Like really, you can't read the Bible to your cat and teach them what's wrong and what's right. Therefore, I seriously doubt that the Bible applies to cats.  ~Corri

The Best and Worst of Palau

Family, friends, and Strangers have frequently emailed and asked me about what I have liked and haven't liked about living in the equatorial Pacific. The answer to those questions has evolved a bit during my time here, but I thought it might be fun and interesting to give you a quick list of the five worst and best aspects about living in Palau for me. All in all, I have to say that Palau is a pretty awesome place to move to, if you're looking for a change. Even though Leotrix and his family live here.

The Five Worst Things About Living in Palau

1. What the Kids are Calling "The Internets":

The Internet in Palau is slower than your grandma. NOT THAT I'M SAYING YOUR GRANDMA IS SLOW. As you know, I do not understand the ways of the computer magic. But my memory of the explanation for why the Internet is so slow has something to do with there being no fiber something or other and using satellites instead. All I know is that it is a HUGE inconvenience on my life in every way possible. It makes Youtube basically inaccessible, and much of the time, Facebook is inaccessible as well. When you send me hysterical videos of cats, I can't watch them. Instead I send them to my sister Krishelle and have her tell me how funny they are. My gchat function rarely works and it usually takes several minutes to load to the html version of my inbox. Putting up Friday's pictures every week is one of my most dreaded tasks.

Last Minute Notice

Last week amid all of the Leotrix drama Daniel informed me that he had invited some people over for dinner for the next day.

Daniel: Oh, by the way, last Sunday I told some people to come for dinner on Thursday.

Eli: Ok. And when were you planning on letting me know about this?

Daniel: Tomorrow afternoon. You're welcome for letting you know even earlier than I had planned.

Here's the problem with Daniel's EXCESSIVELY issued dinner invitations: Daniel doesn't cook.

I cook. I'm not fabulous but I'm experienced and above-average at it thanks to a lifetime of tutelage in the Bob and Cathie School of Cooking and years of my own initiative trial and error. And I can pull off a pretty good meal now in my old age. Cooking has been an especially big hobby for me in Palau since it gets dark early and I like to eat my feelings anyway, so I've been able practice my craft.

Daniel doesn't really cook. Don't get me wrong. He's a great helper. But, like, in the "it's shake-n-bake, and I HELPED!" kind of way. He bakes exceedingly well, which I don't do at all. We have very defined food preparation roles. It's a gentleman's agreement of sorts.

Validations

I had sort of a bad experience this weekend. It was an embarrassing one. Not the haha I-accidentally-got-naked-in-a-public-place kind of embarrassing. The sad-and-ashamed kind of embarrassing. I responded to a mostly innocuous situation that I irrationally let hurt my feelings. And the way I immaturely acted was totally inconsistent with who I know I am. It was nothing really extreme and probably went largely unnoticed by anyone who didn't know me well. But I was socially awkward in a way that I'm never socially awkward.

I knew it was a mistake as it was happening. It was like watching my own personal train wreck without doing anything to stop it.

Do you ever feel like the most terrible parts of yourself have taken over?

When I got home that night, Daniel sort of let me have it. He demanded an explanation for my uncharacteristic behavior and said some things that felt harsh but that I knew were sincere and in my best interest. Sometimes Daniel is exactly like Oprah. SOMEONE GET THIS GUY HIS OWN NETWORK AND MAGAZINE.

Pictures & Weekly Distractions

The great and terrible week has come to a close. Leotrix is probably off somewhere eating the rat poison left out for him and becoming stronger in the process. The Queen of Colors is taking advantage of us all being distracted with Leotrix and is plotting her next evil move. And The First Eye is watching. Always watching.

And with that, have a great weekend, Strangers. You are the wind beneath my wings.

Here are your pictures of the week:

These are the looks Daniel and I always have when we are with the church kids. The girl in white in the front is Daniel's nemesis that I told you all about recently, by the way.

THE WORST UPDATE EVER!!!

First of all, Stranger was surprisingly in the news today! And the first part of this article totally makes it sound like I was arrested.

Should we be worried when something from Stranger is considered "newsworthy?"

Anyway, I have the MOST TERRIBLE UPDATE OF ALL TIME!!!

So some of you may have read yesterday's post. And if you did, you might have noticed that I got a little carried away about things. And I may have proposed some violent solutions to what is most definitely the WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED IN THE HISTORY OF ALL THINGS THAT HAVE EVER HAPPENED.

After I posted that, with the pictures that some have criticized as "inaccurate" and "false" and "absurd" and "impossible" and "Eli needs to start seeing all of the therapists in the world as soon as possible," I got to thinking that maybe I had overreacted.

NOTHING WORSE THAN THIS HAS EVER HAPPENED EVER!

I NEED EVERYONE'S UNDIVIDED ATTENTION WHILE I HAVE A MAJOR ONLINE FREAK OUT AND MELTDOWN IN EPIC PROPORTIONS.

No. Put down that cat and turn off the tv. I mean it. I need your FULL attention. I'll wait.

Now you all know that I don't like to exaggerate and I certainly don't want to overreact here because if there's one thing I hate it's when someone overreacts. But guys. Last night the most HORRIBLE TERRIBLE THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD HAPPENED TO ME!!!!!!!

Ok, so that goes maybe a little too far. Maybe this isn't the worst thing ever. Because I know that some bad stuff has happened in the history of the world. Like Justin Bieber, for example. BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO ME LAST NIGHT IS ALMOST AS BAD AS JUSTIN BIEBER!

I seriously cannot use big enough words to describe for you exactly how traumatized I am today. And as you read this story, I need to you keep in mind that you are reading the words of a completely crazed and terrified human being who doesn't know whom to turn to or where to go in this great time of horror and tragedy.

Graduation Nuggets of Wisdom

Graduation is happening across Palau right now. I got an invitation to a graduation for this coming Sunday, which I'm excited to go to because when they call the names I like to wait until the people sitting next to me cheer and then I stand up and cheer with them and yell things like "I knew you would pull through in the end, Tyler!" and then I watch the family wonder for the rest of ceremony how I know their kid and why I would think he was close to not pulling through.

Some of the church kids are graduating this week and we've been having various celebrations for them, which has gotten me thinking about my own graduations over the last ten years or so and how exciting and intimidating it is to move on to the next thing. And I decided that on Stranger today I would share with you some of the things I've learned since my own high school graduation, eleven years ago. Would love to hear some of your nuggets of wisdom, too: 

Words of Wisdom to the Children from a Sarcastic and Cranky 29-Year-Old Man

You can stick to a job or area of study and find ways to be successful or you can bounce around from menial task to menial task, dissatisfied with the pace of promotion. Either way, you’ll still be doing the same thing in 10 years.

People who lie to you are not your friends. Unless they are lying to you in order to play an amazing practical joke, in which case, they are your best friends.

Birthday Marathon

The photo above is how I always want to remember Daniel, long after he has died from food poisoning or from sticking his hand into a blender or something equally frustrating and totally avoidable.

Saturday was my 29th birthday. And it was the first one in a few years that did not begin with an absurdly long voice message from Cathie that has all of the following parts: