Friday, November 8, 2013

Wait. Is Today Friday?

Look. I know. I KNOW. Today you're dying to see half a dozen out-of-focus pictures taken of the streets of Salt Lake City, my friends, and the occasional gratuitous selfie. And also, you've come to rely on a small list of links, mostly cat-related, to keep you from having to tend to your annoying responsibilities today, like finishing that report and watching your children.

I know that today is supposed to be a Pictures and Distractions day. I know the rules. Guys. I invented the schedule. I know what day it is.

But it just isn't going to happen today. Even though I have amazing links for you, such as this one, which shows what Disney Princesses would look like with beards.


I got to the office a little after 4:00 AM today and I'm totally swamped right now. I'm trying to take off tonight to visit my grandma and Uncle Will in southern California. There should be some Mexico involved in this trip, too. And because I'll be gone for a few days, I need to get a bunch of work done. And when that happens, I have to start shedding other responsibilities temporarily, like Pictures and Distractions.

If it makes you feel better, the following things went before Pictures and Distractions bit the dust today:

1. Hygiene (ok, this one went a few years ago. But it counts.)
2. Singing Miley Cyrus songs at the top of my lungs early in the morning
3. Dance-walking between the hours of 9:00 and 5:00
4. Looking in the mirror and complimenting my hair for 45 minutes every morning
5. Synchronized swimming practice

So, today, how about if you distract each other. In the comments, please briefly share your biggest family or personal vacation disaster. I better hear some vomit stories out of you people!

~It Just Gets Stranger

51 comments:

  1. Vomit!?! You got it! While camping with my family when I was about 8, I ate a bunch of blueberries and Mexican macaroni and cheese.... In the morning my mom found little "piles" all the way from the tent to the bathrooms!

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  2. Hey, I have a vomit-vacation story too! I was about 12 and got food poisoning in Yellowstone National Park and spent that night in the bathroom. The next day I still felt crummy but thought I'd be okay as long as all I'd have to do was sit in the car and not move. Well my mother refused to leave her 12 year old daughter in the parking lot while the rest of the family went in to the restaurant even though I told her I would be vomiting if forced to move. Well I sure proved my point because as soon as the waitress asked me what I wanted to drink I just put my head down and... you get the idea. I have no idea who had to clean that up but if it was the restaurant staff I'm sure no tip was big enough.

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  3. Not a vomit story, but when I was 7 I got lost at Yellowstone. I found a older couple who took me into their cabin and gave me hot chocolate (this was back before cell phones). I don't remember how my family ended up finding me but I do remember that when they did I was really disappointed because I liked this couple because they had a lot of candy.

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    1. Are you sure they were saving you and not abducting you...

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    2. Isn't that how Hansel and Gretel started?

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    3. yup. they were going to cook you.

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  4. We went on a diving trip in the Florida Key's one year. It was then that I found out that I get seasick. On a positive note, there were lots of pretty fish that came around the boat as I was hanging over the side.

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  5. When I was about 12, eleven or so of us piled into a motor home to make a 26 hour drive to Colorado. Fast forward a few days... the day before we were to return home-- One person became violently ill; we thought it was food poisoning. By the next morning (the day we were leaving... aka the day our reservations ended), another in the party became equally as ill. Nonetheless, we all piled in and headed home. In the 24 hours that followed, one by one, all but three of us ended up sick. In a motor home. With one bathroom. And a can of Lysol. I don't think I've been in a motor home since.

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  6. Actually we have a trip we refer to as PUKE FEST 09. Our uncle was telling a particularly nasty story around the camp fire about his days driving a cement truck and having to use an outside. As the story progresses he starts dry heaving and eventually throws up, my dog runs over to enjoy the treat so I throw up, then it continues down the line until all 12 of us are running for the bushes. We spent the morning walking around with a shovel burying the remains. (I'm gagging as I wrote this). That was pretty bad

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  7. This past summer, we took a trip to SanAntonio... We were supposed to go to the Alamo and Riverwalk the first day, but my husband decided to push that plan to the last day because he needed to recover from the grueling 5 hour drive we made to get there (insert sarcastic tone. Can you tell I'm still bitter? lol..). So, the day before the last day, we went to Six Flags and rode all of the rollercoasters. My husband woke up the next day (the day we were supposed to go to the Alamo and Riverwalk) with vertigo. Poor thing, right? No. I gave him some motion sickness meds and dragged him to the Imax theater and the Alamo. He walked around like a combination of Frankenstein and a zombi, unable to pick up his head or feet for fear of falling over. Hey... he should have gone when we were supposed to go! LOL! Needless to say...he hasn't let me live that one down, yet.

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  8. My twins pooping in/on the tent then spreading it all over.....ugh

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  9. When I was about 5, I came down with pneumonia around the same time my parents had scheduled two different trips. They "compromised" and canceled one, meaning I was dragged to Washington D.C. in November despite my feverish state. I paid them back by throwing up on my plate in a very fancy restaurant somewhere near the Kennedy Center. During the same trip, we ended up in a small Chinese restaurant (I think on Thanksgiving), where I serenaded all the guests with a song about Papa Smurf sitting on the toilet paper holder (I will never understand why, but there was an intercom in the bathroom).

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    1. Why on earth would there be a an intercom in the bathroom?! That's the funniest part of that whole thing! If only you could go back and meow songs into it.

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  10. We were in Jamaica for a wedding and all the guys went on a deep sea fishing trip. My 10 year old nephew got sea sick over the side of the boat. Funny enough, he was the only one to catch a fish (a gigantic and horrifying looking fish!)

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  11. We went to Boston this past summer to see the fireworks. On the road trip there we stopped at a cute park to let the kids get out and stretch. My middle child had to use the bathroom. The park had no public bathrooms which sent us into a frenzy of trying to find a bathroom. We finally found one in a Panera Bread resaurant. However, our efforts were too late. I won't go into the gross details except to say that we refer to the event as The Great Pooptastrophy of Panera Bread.

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  12. When my son was 3 (he is 17 now and I hope he doesn't read Stranger) we took a family vacation to Disney World (no bearded Princesses back then), after a long day at of Mickey Mousing it we were on a shuttle bus back to our resort. Poor little guy was holding his Mickey Mouse hat in his lap...next thing we know it is full of VOMIT!!! Immediately upon arriving back at the resort I instructed my husband to go to the gift shop and purchase ANOTHER $20 Mickey Mouse hat! My son, now tramatized for life, refuses to ever go to Florida again... because obviously that place is full of viruses that will land him in the hospital again for 3 days!

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  13. It's Thanksgiving Vomitfest, Charlie Brown!: Inlaws and Outlaws plus one plague vector niece (thank sis for bringing her along) converge to share a wonderful family dinner only to return home at the end of the weekend violently vomiting along divergent paths home. I learned how much vomit a Big Gulp cup will hold: not enough! My DNA via vomit can be found along the way to this day.

    The Best Little Vomitfest in Texas: Christmas road trip to, around, and back from Texas with tiny 10 month old baby and some bad truck stop virus (or latent day care strain). Vomiting from a baby who is extremely cute but also bordering on catatonic is extremely sad and results in an ER visit in Austin. But that doesn't stop us from visiting Corpus Christi and the aircraft carrier there (USS Lexington? I think), upon who's deck my son has left his DNA (it's not a poop deck, it's a vomit deck).

    The don't mix OJ and Peanuts on a road trip experiment: Childhood experience with little brother who did... did you know if you vomit this mixture up onto the arm rest in the back seat of a classic 80s Cadillac Eldorado, it will flow all the way up the armrest into the front passenger's lap? Very cool design in the Caddy, very warm vomit on my mom, and rather awesome example of fluid flow.

    Arkansas Strikes Back: Curvy Arkansas backroads and sensitive stomach son... we saw the look on his face, grabbed the nearest container (AZ Diamondbacks baseball cap) just in time. Dbacks won the World Series that year. It must have been a sign. Hat has been washed thoroughly, but no one will wear it anymore.

    I should stop now...

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  14. I was ten, sharing the "across the front seats" hammock with my six-year-old brother while my older sister had the VW "pop-up" hammock and my mother had the actual bed. We'd had Spanish rice that my mother had made at the campsite for dinner that evening, and I either didn't like or was maybe a little allergic to tomatoes at the time. We all ate it, did whatever else we did that evening, and went to bed.

    When I awoke, there was Spanish rice puked up directly over my face on the ceiling of the camper. I didn't wake up to puke, or it probably would have all landed on my brother as I crawled over him to get to an appropriate receptacle. Also, there was NOT ONE SPECK of it anywhere but the ceiling!

    Projectile, in-your-sleep vomit FTW!

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  15. This doesn't involve vomit, but it's still funny: When I was little, my family and I took a road trip and while in the car, I slipped on my shoes. After a little bit, we were all saying how something must really stink outside because the car was so stinky. Well, good ol mom put it together and we pulled over a rest stop and she scrubbed the stink off my feet. She likes to re-tell that story. A lot.

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  16. On our way to St. Barth's, there was a very bad storm so instead of flying from St. Maarten we had to take the 2 1/2 hour ferry (on a non-stormy day). It had been a very long day of travel and at the time our daughters were around 2 and 4. On top of that, I have a very weak stomach when it comes to seasickness. The boat was flailing all over creation with rain pouring down on us. Many people were getting sick and when that happens, it's like a chain reaction. So, I had a bag in front of me catching what could be caught. Somehow - and I still don't know how - both my children FALL ASLEEP on me - one on my lap and one on my back, while I'm puking my guts up. I really should have gotten mother of the year. But the kicker??? one fellow traveler thought that it was soooooo adorable that she should take our picture! Yes, there is a picture of me on Facebook, with one child asleep in front of me and one on my back, with me holding a bag of vomit. Nice.

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  17. Just got back from a 2 week vacation to Cambodia & Thailand, where we saw a DEAD BODY floating 10 ft away from us in the Mekong River in Kampong Cham, Cambodia. Delicious. I wanted to vomit, but was too in shock to do anything at all.

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  18. I was about 5 and we were on a big ward campout (remember when wards did campouts??). We hadn't been there super long.. probably about long enough for our tents to be set up. Camp was up this little hill, and all the kids were running around and playing downhill. This kid (whose name was Willie - don't ask me why I remember his name.. probably because it was such a traumatic experience) started jumping up and down on an old tree stump.. and suddenly a swarm of bees came out from under it! They started attacking everyone and all the kids screamed and ran up the hill. I was probably the youngest there and I remember going halfway up the hill until I was paralyzed, crying and screaming and being stung repeatedly. I remember my dad running down the hill to rescue me. He got stung a bunch too. The only other memory I have of that camping trip is being held in a blanket on my mom's lap by the campfire, with calamine lotion or some kind of triple antibiotic cream on all of the dots all over my body. My mom said after that the campout was basically ruined for everyone!!

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    1. I used to love ward campouts!!! For Girls Camp one year we went to Lehi, I was a 3rd year and one of my friends, Kellie, and me decided to go skinny dipping in the stream on our free time. A few 1st years followed up and said that we got lost, I wasn't lost I knew where we were. Then my friend, Kellie, was being used a a dummy to show the proper heimlich maneuver and one of the girls somehow cracked Kellie's ribs and she was rushed to the nearest emergency room. She came back on some funky meds... she was seeing Ursula in the trees.

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  19. Well, first of all...here's a distraction for everyone that will make you wonder what in the world people are thinking.

    http://distractify.com/fun/fails/the-29-whitest-awkward-family-photos/

    Also, I have a vomit story. When I was little (read 0-5) I rode on the semi with my parents, my younger brother and my sister that's 2 years older than me. We had stopped at a truck stop to shower and were back on the truck all clean and fresh. My sister was asleep by me when all of a sudden she woke up, looked right at me, smiled, then puked all in my hair. We had to stop at another truck stop so I could shower again while she laughed because she puked in my hair. I had beautiful white blonde hair but not long after that it started getting darker...it is now a dark brown. I blame her vomit....it tainted my hair and made it darken. lol

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  20. We lost 2 suitcases out of the luggage carrier on top of our station wagon, and then my 13-year-old sister tore one of the doors off the car as she backed it up, per my mother's instuctions, at the car wash. Also, I puked a banana and yogurt and the banana came up in round slices. I swear.

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  21. I have no such stories, but I do have what I consider to be a very funny vomiting story. When I was a child, my aunt forced me to eat tomato soup for dinner, much against my will. When I was finished, she looked at me and said, "It wasn't that bad, was it?" I looked at her -- I swear it was an act of God -- and I projectile vomited the offending tomato soup across the table, all over her shirt. "

    Deuteronomy 32:35a "To me belongeth vengeance and recompense." Just sayin.

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    1. My brother did this after being forced by our grandma to eat potato salad chock full of eggs, mayo, and other stuff he couldn't stomach. Needless to say, that was the last time she tried to make him eat anything he didn't like.

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  22. 45 Minutes into our 20+ hour drive to the UP of Michigan (from south of Boston MA) we were in gridlock traffic on route 95 south (which actually runs west then North for a while before deciding to go it's named direction)…One toddler was trying to poop in the woods, the other just finished pooping in the woods, one of them lost ONE shoe in the woods off the highway.

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  23. I don't have a vomit story- but over this last Memorial Day weekend, I had my first 3 full days off of work in nearly a year and was THRILLED to be invited to go to Sand Hallow with boyfriend I had at the time. The weekend was as follows, listed in bullets.
    -Got pulled over and ticketed on our way there. My ex was also pulled aside and questioned if I was an ex girlfriend of his who apparently had a restraining order against him. (I knew nothing of this until then.)
    -The heat was unbearable and the wind was the absolute WORST! Camping on the beach, the wind was so forceful our tent wouldn't stay up, so I spent the majority of two days sitting in a truck and driving a bunch of drunk adults in their 20-30's around because I was the only one sober to blow into their breathalyzers in their cars.
    -Our last night we stayed at a friends condo in St George and I was able to charge my phone for the first time all weekend just to be awoken by calls from my family in the middle of the night saying my sister was in the hospital with complications with her pregnancy.
    -We rushed home immediately I lost my niece the next day found my boyfriend cheating on me the same day, and broke up with him the next.
    This was a 'vacation' from HELL!

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  24. Arb's HARC outhouse story. You better know this one. It wins, hands down. -(lisa paxton)

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  25. I win I win! Staying in a hotel with my husband and baby, we set up his portable crib in the corner so he couldn't see us so he could fall asleep. A couple hours later I realize I have to pee really bad and we accidentally set up his crib so it was blocking the bathroom door and the door to leave the hotel room. Poor baby was mad about sleeping in an unfamiliar place and had screamed for 30 minutes before he finally fell asleep. Not wanting to wake him up and listen to that again, I finally had to pee into an empty garbage sack and tie it up and leave it til morning. Oh and did I mention this was my anniversary?

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  26. I had a horrible vacation once but it turned out ok. My grandfather invited me and my friends to his hotel in Hawaii. First, it turned out his hotel was having financial trouble and we all had to work at it without getting paid. Then, two of my friends got kidnapped by some native Hawaiians! This big hotel next door was trying to buy my grandfather's place, and their lawyer even tried to seduce me to get me to convince my grandfather to sell his hotel! But in the end, me and my friends ended up working with the natives to trick the big hotel and help my grandfather save his hotel, so it all worked out.

    Oh, wait, that might be the plot of Saved by the Bell: Hawaiian Style. I'm always getting confused about what's real and what's SBTB.

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    1. Hahaha that's fantastic! Also, I knew that was the plot from Saved by the Bell by like the second sentence

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  27. well, today while in a country where the roads are backwards, we got lost (im not exagerating!) 6 times IN A ROW. making a ten minute drive to the hotel, a THREE HOUR drive. We were all dilutional and I think someone luaghed so hard they cried, threw up, and passed out. I dont remember because I lost sanity the moment we went 30 miles out of our way because these roads dont let you repent and turn around! It was a problem.

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  28. My turn! We were living in Germany and decided to take a roadtrip to Italy. In an attempt to find some lake a guidebook had mentioned, we were driving on roads that should have posted warnings of certain death. I swear the Italians designed them to make intruding armies too dizzy to attack. Our toddler was fussing in the back seat, so I crawled back to try to keep her happy while my husband concentrated on getting the car around hairpin turns alongside sheer cliffs without guardrails. It was at this point that I learned that backseats, winding roads, and morning sickness don't mix. Before long the toddler wasn't the only one crying in the backseat as I begged my husband to STOP THE CAR!!! Since there weren't exactly any places to safely park the car along the treacherous Italian highway, he had no choice but to keep driving. When at last we arrived in a village, he stopped at the first building he saw: the local cathedral. I stumbled out of the car, vomited in the bushes, and collapsed on the threshold of the cathedral, gasping, "Sanctuary!" For some reason I thought that the local priest might forgive the vomit in the bushes if I said that. Let me offer my recommendation to other pregnant women to avoid Northern Italy. On the bright side, I had the best spaghetti ever there, in a truck stop. Beat that!

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  29. 1) THANK YOU for the bearded princesses. Wow. Amazing.

    2) I have the craziest travel vomit story EVER. It even tops my crazy escapades in Europe.

    Labor Day two years ago, I took a day trip to Leavenworth, a Bevarian mountain town in Washington that's 4 hours away from where I live. On the way, we stopped in this tiny town to meet my brother who was on his way home from a town in Eastern Washington for lunch. This was a 90+ degree day, and instead of eating at the Dairy Queen, my ex-boyfriend convinced us to eat at the questionable local restaurant. I had a chicken sandwich and the guys had seafood. In the mountains. Why?!

    Anyway. We continued to Leavenworth, where we spent the day in the hot sun having beer and shopping and whatever. On the drive home, I gradually started to not feel well. I had to pull over and let my ex drive because I didn't feel okay. When we were still two hours from home, I needed to vomit. He tried to get off the freeway in time, but no go: the exit was too far away. So I grabbed a bag from the backseat, pulled out its contents, and vomited into the bag. And a little on my shirt. We got off the freeway, pulled into a Denny's parking lot, and I threw away my vomit bag and washed up. Feeling better, we got back on the freeway towards home.

    Then I felt sick again. He couldn't pull off the freeway in time again. And this time we had no bag. So what did I do? Opened the window, stuck my head out...and vomited out the window. It wound up all over the side of the car!

    Anyway, we made it home, where I wound up not sleeping all night. I threw up a total of 14 times! It started coming out the OTHER end too, so I was living in the bathroom with a bowl. :/

    It finally stopped at 6:30 am. I couldn't eat all day, just drink and eat popcicles. I had the worst food poisoning ever from that chicken sandwich at lunch. Meanwhile, the questionable seafood the guys ate? Totally harmless.

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  30. We have taken the relatively short boat ride to Catalina Island several times. It's not unusual to see a couple people dash to the restroom due to sea-sickness. However, one particular return trip I vividly remember. On the upper deck of the boat, one lanky gentleman knew he was going to spew. He also knew he couldn't make it to the restroom. He made the decision to empty his gastric content over the rail. Normally, this is fine... when on the lower deck. His less than desirable sea spew wafted across the audience on the lower deck, causing a chain reaction of vomiting to occur. It was like watching the movie outbreak in fast forward. People started to run to the upper deck to avoid the emesis drenched lower deck. Some people couldn't make it up the stairs without losing their lunch and made their deposits on the fiberglass steps of the boat...which as you know will decrease the ability for one to have enough grip to run up the stairs. Let's just say more than one person took an unintended vomit-stair slide to the lower deck. I've never been more upset to not have my video camera. #ironstomach.

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  31. Vacation 1: When I was seven, we went to Colorado for my aunt's wedding. First, we were late for the airport so we were rushing through security. Then, they found my dad's starter pistol in my four year old brother's carry on; he had snuck it into his bag the night before. So they took my dad away to question him and left my mom running through the airport with a seven year old, a five year old, a three year old and a newborn. My dad did end up making the flight though, barely. Then we all got the stomach flu and puked the whole time. My newborn brother got a really bad cold because we didn't pack any jackets because it was June, but CO has crazy weather and it was 50 degrees and raining the whole time. Then my sister slammed her hand in the sliding door of our rented mini-van.

    Vacation 2: We drove up to Washington, from Utah. We stopped for the night in this weird town in a valley. As we got to the restaurant on the other side of town from the motel, my youngest brother (three at the time) threw up all over my mom and the waitress. We left without eating. They offered to deliver our meals, which was nice because that wasn't something they normally do. However, we got lost on the way back to our motel because they highway didn't go down into the valley. We finally made it back to the hotel just as they brought our food. Later that night, I got sick and ended up throwing up all night. Then I slept walked and woke up just standing out in the middle of the parking lot (I was ten). I went back in and my mom was freaking out because I was gone. Then I threw up some more. On the way back to Utah, we stopped on the side of the road to help this guy whose car broke down. My mom told us all to stay in the car, but I didn't listen and went to see what they were looking at in the engine. The guy did something with the gas tank and I got gasoline splashed in my eye.

    Vacation 3: Our car broke down on the side of the road in 95 degree weather. We waited an hour for the tow truck to make it through the canyon. It was hot and there were rattle snakes in the weeds nearby. Then all five of us had to pile into the cab of the tow truck with the driver and drive an hour back into town. That night, I threw up all night. (All vacations involve me throwing up.)

    Not vacation related but let me just tell you, being six months pregnant and stopping on the side of the road to throw up a massive amount of rice is horrible. Especially when it's windy and you have to pee. Because the vomit gets in your hair and face. And you pee your pants. Also, when you have the stomach flu it is totally possible, although SO NOT FUN, to nurse a newborn while you simultaneously vomit and have diarrhea.

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  32. You said vomit...
    When I was 9, my family went to Disneyland. It was Thanksgiving day and we had just eaten at a bland restaurant that had no Thanksgiving food. We then went back to my aunt and uncles hotel to go swimming. While playing tag, I drove under water and took a deep breath, and in came loads of water into my lungs. I popped up, coughing and dying. Them it happened. Out came all of my Thanksgiving 'feast'. I closed the pool down for THREE HOURS.

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  33. when I was 8, I went with my best friend's family for my first trip to Lake Powell. Every single one of us (7 pooping, puking humans) got the stomach flu except for Chase, my best friend's 4-year old little brother. I still remember lying next to the camp fire in my sleeping bag that night, shaking with chills and fever, too sick to live, watching little Chase walk around our sandy infirmary with a camping shovel completing his chore of burying all the various piles of vomit. Don't fret, the next morning we left a make-shift twig-and-pebble notice to alert future campers to NOT anchor there.

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  34. We were in southern California. We done to the beach, to go play before our flight home. I was sitting between my brother and sister. It was hot, and the road was windy. Just as we got to the beach, both my siblings puked, stereo puked, all over me. Mom took us to the bathrooms to try and get us cleaned up, whole my dad got the task of cleaning said vomit out of the rental car.

    Now, it was also election season in California, so a man running for some position was walking around, talking to anything that stayed still long enough, in an attempt to get more votes. He waltzed up to my father, and introduced himself. He brightly asked "so what are you up to this fine day?" Rather disgruntled at the guy's lack of intelligence and sense of smell, he just matter of factly said "cleaning vomit out of a rental car." Just as said politician was reaching out to shake his hand. The politician quickly withdrew, wished my dad a nice day, and practically ran away from the beach.

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    1. I just remembered another good one. In Hawaii. We went to the Polynesian cultural center, and while in the Samoan area, we took a family photo with one of the performers we particularly liked. Just after the picture was taken, my brother puked up the entire liter of fruit punch he had consumed that day. All over this poor guy's feet. He spent the rest of the day in the first aid lodge, while we got the staff to help us take videos for him.

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  35. During a Christmas get-together, my niece (a baby at the time) vomited into my bro-in-law's mouth. That then was the catalyst of my bro-in-law dashing into the bathroom and vomiting himself. Babies and their projectile abilities... it's uncanny. Also reminds me a bit of birds feeding their chicks in reverse.

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  36. http://www.cnn.com/2013/11/08/tech/web/apparently-this-matters-cats-blog/index.html?hpt=hp_t5

    here's a distraction from the vomit...

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  37. Our trip to Aruba was ruined by a swarm of volunteers looking for a missing girl

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  38. Ask and you shall receive...

    My first time to Moab (6 years ago?), I got food poisoning from, I guess, bad cream cheese. Shortly after running to the bathroom to vomit, I soldiered on and went biking on slick rock with my friends. As I biked, I started feeling queasy again; I dropped my bike and ran into the distance as far as I could before throwing up again. As I returned to my bike, I was horrified to see that I hadn't run as far away as I originally thought, and my friends heard everything.

    Later, on that same trail, I went over the handlebars and ripped my pants from waistband to kneecap. Utterly horrifying.

    Just got back from another attempt at Moab yesterday afternoon. Third time's a charm, as it turns out.

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  39. Too long to spell it all out, but along these horrible vacation storylines: http://sirensecho.blogspot.com/2013/07/happy-honeymooners-sort-of.html

    and Part 2: http://sirensecho.blogspot.com/2013/07/happy-honeymooners-sort-of-part-2.html

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