Monday, October 20, 2014

Rebecca Rates Eli

Rebecca: And GUESS WHAT ELSE?!

Eli: No. I don't have time for this. We said we were going to be getting work done right now.

Rebecca: I know. But the pillow barrier fell over.

Eli: Huh?

Rebecca: I put up this large pillow to block my view from you. But then it fell over.

Eli: And?

Rebecca: Well it was working really well. I wasn't tempted to distract you by talking when I couldn't see you. Because I'm basically like a horse and if I can't see you sitting there, I think you're probably not there.

Eli: I am so concerned about you.

Rebecca: But then the pillow fell over and I saw you sitting there and it reminded me that I need to tell you something.

Eli: Ok. I feel like that absurd explanation just earned you a couple of minutes of talk time.

Rebecca: I was thinking about how I want to get to know so-and-so better.

Eli: Why? Because you think he's hot?

Rebecca: Eh. He's fine. He's like ranked the same as you.

Eli: And what am I ranked?

Rebecca: A 7. An 8 when you wear a suit. A 6 when you really need a haircut.

Eli: I'm sometimes a 6?!

Rebecca: Don't stress about it. There are a lot of ones through fives who would be happy to have what you have.

Eli: But I'm striving to be a 10!

Rebecca: Eli. Brad Pitt is a 10. You're never gonna be a 10.

Eli: What about if--

Rebecca: No.

Eli: Not even if--

Rebecca: No.

Eli: But--

Rebecca: Look. I'm a 6 through 8 as well. It's really a perfectly acceptable place to be. Being a 10 is impractical. Because looks fade. And plus, when you're a 10, you never know why people are really being nice to you. We always know why people are nice to us.

Eli: Because of our charm?

Rebecca: No. Because we give our friends candy when they come over.

Eli: Oh. Good point.

Rebecca: And the sooner you stop wasting your time trying to be a 10, the sooner you can devote that time to eating candy. AND CHEESE!

Eli: All good points. By the way, did you see I bought string cheese in bulk at Costco today?

Rebecca: OMG you just became a 9.

Eli: I'm starting to doubt your entire rating system.

~It Just Gets Stranger


  1. I love Rebecca, but not "love" love her. I love her for you. You bought bulk string cheese and became a NINE. A NINE, Eli. Such excellentness is rare to be found in a living-in-sin non-GF.

  2. I just don't even know anymore...

    And for the record. I'm solely nice to you because you're a 9.5. And you invited me to your Christmas party last year. Even though I almost died in the blizzard.

    1. Pfff...he never invites ME to his Christmas party.

      5.5 ELI! ....Five...point....five!

    2. Lee, if you don't come to my Christmas party this year, YOU'RE going to be a 5.5.

  3. Replies
    1. Yeah, everyone knows Adam Levine is the only real 10.


      ....I meant Sofia Vergera...not Adam Levine....pshh....I don't know what any of you are talking about! And I definitely do NOT watch the Voice twice a week!!!

    2. Lee... I think we can be best friends now.

    3. This conversation reminds me of that episode of The Office when they are all arguing over whether Hilary Swank is hot and Kelly says, "NO! Hilary Swank is hot! Because if she isn't hot, then I'm definitely not hot!"

    4. The fact that you just quoted The Office should be enough to raise your rating of 9 up to a solid 11, cause that's just how awesome that makes you.

    5. Lee, do you have a blog I can follow? I love your comments like I love Stranger. And Adam Levine. Sigh...

    6. LOL, thanks. No I don't have one. I was thinking about making one but I'm not sure anyone one would want to read it since it would probably revolve around me complaining about work, or the way people drive, and then I'd just come here and steal all of Eli's good ideas. And I'd be like "What are you talking abouuut!!??!! I totally made up that conversation between me and my roommate Rebella.". And then you all would be like "wait...aren't you married?" And then I'd be like...."uuuhhh....." *DELETE BLOG*

      Then the Internet would probably catch on fire, I'd get blamed...I just don't need all that hassle.

  4. I heard 6 through 8 is the new 10, fyi.

  5. 6 through 8 isn't bad if you add them together, then you're a 21 and that's way better than a 10. Plus, string cheese.

  6. Stranger is the only blog I have read that never really seems to vary in quality. I have loved you for years and I will keep loving you for years.

  7. If we send in pictures, could you get Rebecca to rate us?

    1. I better go buy some bulk string cheese if I want to get past a 4.....

    2. That could be a new app!!! Rebecca Rates could bee the next big thing!!!

    3. That would actually be really awesome. Along with a picture, there would be random questions to answer to guide her in her rating. (Such as, have you recently purchased string cheese for your roommates?)

  8. Brad Pitt doesn't even rank on the scale. Rebecca doesn't know what she's talking about.