Monday, December 15, 2014

Rebecca's Near Murder

Rebecca was babysitting Ollie at her house on Friday, so I texted her to see how things were going.

I logged away in my mind that I needed to try to get the full story from her in person later. I was supposed to go to her house that evening to pick up Ollie but when I tried to call her to coordinate the exchange, she refused to pass him over. So I wasn't able to see her that night to get all of the details.

Then while I was at a party on Saturday night, she tried to call me. I couldn't answer at the time. So she followed up the call with some text messages.

I didn't see these texts until many hours later and by that point figured she had probably resolved the problem, if there really was one. So I didn't respond.

Rebecca's house was built in 1905. It's a two-story Victorian-style home and it is terrifying and fascinating. Every day she discovers a new strange thing about it and we're pretty sure that it has been featured on Ghost Hunters at least twice. 

Because the house is so fascinating, I organized an impromptu parade of homes and invited half a dozen people to come and tour it on Sunday. When I showed up at the house, Rebecca immediately got started on me:


Eli: By the homeless man? So was he in your backyard?

Rebecca: First of all, I don't like the casual tone you are using to discuss this. This was a very scary experience for me.

Eli: So what happened? The last I heard you were trying to figure out how much to pay him to rake leaves.

Rebecca: Right. So he raked some leaves and then I paid him and thanked him for his work.

Eli: And what did you pay him?

Rebecca: Twenty dollars. And some peanut butter. And half a bag of Swedish Fish. And toothpaste. 

Eli: You paid someone in toothpaste?

Rebecca: IT WAS ALL I HAD!

Eli: Did he seem weirded out by the terms of payment?

Rebecca: No. He seemed to like it. But I felt bad that I didn't have more useful things. And I almost went looking for something else, but then he smiled at me and I realized something horrifying. For ten years I have had a dream that a homeless man breaks into my house and murders me. And when he smiled I realized . . . THIS WAS THE MAN FROM MY DREAMS!

Eli: So was it Crest toothpaste? An already-opened tube?


Eli: Ok. Well he clearly didn't kill you.

Rebecca: Well not yet! But last night I got home and as I pulled my car into the driveway, I noticed that the light in the very large shed in the backyard was on! And when I looked more closely, I saw that I forgot to put the lock back on the shed! And in the time I got out of my car and walked to the shed . . . THE LIGHT HAD BEEN TURNED BACK OFF!!!

Eli: And that's when you called me?

Rebecca: YES! That's when I called you and you didn't even answer or bother to come and help!

Eli: So what did you do?

Rebecca: I called someone else and he came over and went into the shed with me. We looked around and then noticed that there was this ladder in the back of the shed leading up to a small opening that I hadn't noticed before.

Eli: So the shed had a second floor that you didn't know about?

Rebecca: Yes! A whole second level! And Eli! You won't believe what we found up there!

Eli: A homeless man?

Rebecca: NO! We climbed up the ladder and found an entire room FILLED with seance paraphernalia! There were a bunch of sticks tied together in the shape of stars and little wood people and there were candles all set around in a circle and this really creepy old map on the wall! A MAP FOR DEVIL WORSHIPERS!

Eli: What?

Rebecca: I'm not kidding! It was all covered in cobwebs. It looked like it had been in there for decades! 

Eli: Please tell me you took a picture of this!

Rebecca: No! I was so freaked out! I just immediately gathered all of it and destroyed everything! I threw it into the garbage outside.

Eli: [Runs the garbage outside. Digs out a piece that hasn't been destroyed.] Oh. My. Gosh.

Rebecca: I don't know. Maybe it was just a bunch of Girl Scouts singing camp songs. OR MAYBE SATAN HAS TAKEN UP RESIDENCE IN MY BACKYARD!

Eli: Those are two extremely different things. 

Rebecca: Eli. I think my whole house is currently haunted.

Eli: Wait. So the homeless man wasn't in the shed?

Rebecca: No.

Eli: So who turned the light on and off after you got home.

Rebecca: Oh. I realized that with my headlights pointed at the shed, it just looked like the light was on in there.

Eli: I honestly can't decide if this story was the most interesting thing I've heard all week, or a complete waste of my time.

Rebecca: Oh by the way, can I borrow a tube of toothpaste? I'm almost out.

Rebecca looking like the tallest woman alive next to one of her many tiny doors.

The conclusion of the Parade of Homes in Rebecca's backyard.
~It Just Gets Stranger


  1. That creeps me out man. I would seriously burn down that shed if I found something like that in it.

    Hey, where's the picture of the front of the house? You tell us she's in a Victorian style house and you post a picture of the BACK of the house? Come on Eli! GOSH!!!

    So can anyone enlighten us as to why they built houses with tiny doors and secret passages and what not? Were they just adding onto the house and then going "geez...we made this room too small. Oh well it's for kids anyway, just make the door tiny"? If anyone knows the history please share.

  2. I'm going to have nightmares about homeless men tonight.

  3. This gives me anxiety on so many levels! So have people been going into the shed? Do we know any more about the homeless man? Oh my goodness... I would have to move.

  4. I've always wanted to own an old creepy house, but my husband won't even consider it. Even when I said, "But what if we found one with secret passages?" "No." "What if it was rumored to be haunted?" "NO". It's because when he was little he slept at his aunt's house (which was very old) and that night someone left the TV on and he ended up watching "The Amityville Horror".


    Though, having a Satanic playground above your shed is kind of terrifying...

  5. If you burn that stuff aren't you just helping the Devil?

  6. Maybe she should put a lock on the shed...

  7. Oh, gosh. If there's one thing that's worse than being murdered by a homeless man in your own home, it's finding seance crap in your old shed. Sincerely, what she found horrifies me to the core. I'd have run out of there screaming and crying, tripping all over myself. And then I'd have called someone with the priesthood to come and bless my house and my yard AND MY SHED. But I'd have probably taken pictures and videos along the way so I could blog about it...

    Are you really the voice of reason in the relationship between you and Rebecca? Like, you're the one who keeps his calm and stuff? I'm trying to picture how the conversation would have gone if the seance stuff would've been found in YOUR shed...

    PS I daresay that Ollie isn't Matt's dog; I think he belongs to ALL of you.

    1. I agree, someone needs to go in there and bless that whole property. That's scary stuff. Of course, I could be watching too many episodes of A Haunting when I'm alone too. I tend to do that and freak myself out.

  8. When I read your story this is what I thought of...

    I didn't know that it was a possible hoax when I first read it, hopefully Rebecca doesn't have any creepy hide-a-rooms like this one!

  9. That star can totally be re-purposed into a Christmas star. Add some tinsel and voila..."O Holy Night..."

    1. Yes! Maybe it was just a bunch of ladies making pinterest crafts!

    2. This has got to be the BEST response!

  10. That is SO creepy!

    I was having these recurring nightmares about a serial killer, and then one day I found a picture of the exact guy from my nightmare on Google. It turned out he was a contestant on Australian Idol or something.

  11. Tell Rebecca to stop opening the door to EVERYONE that knocks! I have paid 5 "homeless" people over the last several years to pretty much take all my stuff and never come back. It was all under the guise of can I do some work for a few dollars so I don't your front lawn...screaming "murderer". Or something like that. Anyway, after the last guy that "just need 20 bucks to put gas in my truck to go get my mom who had been in an accident in a city 100 miles away and is stranded and really I promise I'll mow your yard, mulch your flower beds, dig up your garden, rake your leaves, and pay you the $20 back" not only didn't do the work he promised but talked my sister out of nearly $80 more the next night, I put a ban on opening the door to anyone that doesn't call ahead or have a key.

  12. So......The Blair Witch Project sequel is happening in Rebecca's backyard shed?

  13. I'm not sure your friend really deserves Ollie ... I mean he's always asking you guys to watch him for extended periods of time. Maybe he needs a new permanent home with someone who appreciates him more ...

    1. Nope. Uh uh. I don't know that anyone has ever loved or cared for a dog as much as Matt cares for Ollie. 95% of the time Ollie is at my or Rebecca's house it's because we have begged Matt to let Ollie come over and play. And usually Matt comes with. On a couple of occasions he has gone out of town and I have convinced him to let Ollie stay with me rather than go out of town with Matt. Rather than leave him home when he needs to run dog unfriendly errands, Matt will see if either of us are home and willing to play with Ollie until he gets back. The amount of time we have Ollie at our houses is evidence of how much Matt cares about this puppy--not the contrary.