Sunday, September 27, 2015

Family Reunion

I have like 14 family reunions every summer because I come from several incredibly active gigantic Utah Mormon families. So, I belong to eleventy different groups that plan family reunions every year for all seven billion of the world's inhabitants who are descendants from every one of my pioneer ancestors that multiplied and replenished the Earth one-hundred and fifty years ago.

I'm not kidding about this. If you were born in Utah, there is a 150% chance we are first, second, and third cousins. Simultaneously.

My grandma's dad was married to and procreated with one woman for several years until she died. Then her sister stepped in and started helping with the children until eventually just marrying him and birthing several more children. I didn't really think hard about this until recently when I realized that some of my grandma's siblings are also her cousins. Then I tried to draw the family tree to see what it would look like and it basically just turned into the labryinth.

Every time anyone starts talking about my family history I can hear that song "I'm My Own Grandpa" playing in my head.

I hadn't planned on going to this family reunion because I sort of have a lot going on right now and I've been kind of stressed lately and I'm still recovering from last year when all 200 of us slept in one giant cabin and everyone got violently ill and projectile vomited on our last night before we all got up and made what turned into a seven-hour drive through a freak blizzard in the mountains to get home.

Last Sunday I was asked collectively by my three sisters when I would be heading down to the three-day reunion at the same cabin 20 miles away from any electricity or cell service.

Eli: Yeah I'm not going to that.

All Three Sisters in the Same Satanic but Unified Voice: YOU ARE NOT GETTING OUT OF THIS!!!

Then my youngest, and scariest, sister Micalyne launched into one of the most frightening lectures I've ever heard her give. Something about "you will not disappoint your mother" and "you are going to this reunion and you are going to put a smile on your face" and "don't you make me wash your mouth out with soap!"

By the time she concluded the browbeating, I was so overcome with guilt and fear that I committed to go AND drive people to this thing.

I got to the reunion on Friday and I was immediately happy that I am so manipulable because it was truly wonderful to see many family members I don't see often, especially my 85-year-old grandma who lives two states away instead of in my house like I have politely demanded on at least two-dozen occasions now.

I am fortunate enough at age 31 to have two living, healthy, grandmas, both of whom are among the most hysterical people I've ever met. Fortunately one of these grandmas lives near me so I am able to see her with some regularity. But California grandma, the one some of you know as "the lady who called Queen Noor a tramp," is unfortunately an all-too-infrequent character in my life.

Grandma and I reconnected, like we always do the couple of times a year we see each other, exchanging bread recipes, gossiping, and engaging in the occasional secret handshake. Then, suddenly, it was midnight, so we both wandered off to find our beds. And as I started walking away:

Grandma: Pssssst.

Eli: What?

Grandma: Give it a couple of hours. Once everyone is sound asleep, let's go clubbin'!

Eli: Do you know any good clubs around here? In the mountains?

Grandma: Pshhhhh. Everywhere I go is good club.

Then she walked away.

My grandma should be put on our currency.

Four-wheeling on Saturday with my brother in law, Jeff.
~It Just Gets Stranger

53 comments:

  1. You are very blessed to have two lucid, active grandmas. Yours sound like "a hoot."

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  2. Coming from a large family, this made me snort laugh so hard.

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  3. Wait your grandma's sister married her dad? Or your greatgrandmother's sister married her brother in law? I'm so confused, which is how I feel when I try to untangle the threads of my own ginormous mormon family tree as well.

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    1. PS Someone told me there's a law saying that only dead people can be on currency, I guess it's like becoming a saint, you've got to be dead to do it. So hold off on nominating your grandmas for now.

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    2. I knew it was confusing when I typed it. My great grandfather was married to a woman who died in the early 20th century. Then he married that woman's sister who later gave birth to my grandma. So my grandma's older half siblings (the ones who came from the first marriage) are also her cousins. We take the "keep it in the family" rule very seriously where I come from.

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    3. Ahhhh I see said the blind man...

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  4. I wish you would name-drop a few of those choice ancestors. I would love to know if we are 3rd cousins twice removed.

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  5. You should create a relativefinder.org group for stranger fans who want to know how we're related to you.

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    1. Seconding this. It is beyond fun to figure out the degrees of separation with people you only passably know in a big group. I'm a member of a handful of relativefinder groups. And you might think I'm being sarcastic, but I'm being 100% honest about how thrilling it can feel to realize you're third cousins with someone you have no other real reason for knowing personally.

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    2. See below. swingwise created the group and it's amazing.

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  7. I made a Relative Finder group. Go to RelativeFinder.org, sign in to your Family Search account (if you don't have one - get one! It's awesome!) and join the group, "It Just Gets Stranger," password 12345. I'm on there. See you there, too?

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    1. (I'm a Family History Consultant in my local LDS Ward, and so I do this kind of stuff a lot.)

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    2. I just created an account. How do I find the group?

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    3. Go to the drop down and go to groups and then go to join and you will be able to search for it

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    4. I did it! And swingwise! We are 10th cousins 3 times removed! I've never felt this close to you! WHY DIDN'T YOU COME TO MY FAMILY REUNION?!?!?!

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    5. And Kelsi! We are 11th cousins 3 times removed!!!! Do you know swingwise? HE'S RELATED TO US?!?!?

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    6. Shame on me. :( I'll come to the next one!

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    7. 4th cousins 1 time removed! I feel closer to you already.

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    8. Also, this is turning into a competition. I keep going back and refreshing the page as people join the group to see which Stranger is my closest relative. I'm on pins and needles here. WHAT IF IT'S LEE?!?

      Or OH MY GOSH WHAT IF PAUL SIMON?!?!

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    9. I was so nervous as it was calculating, as if my divine nature and individual worth was actually all going to come down do this and how could I ever face my old YW leaders again after that? But deep breath, I am your eighth cousin once removed, Eli. Introduce me to your grandma already now.

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    10. OMG Rebecca N. and I are 9th cousins?? Eli, you and I are 12th cousins 1 time removed. We are SO super related!

      -Brie

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    11. We're Dutch cousins! Netherland power!

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    12. ELI!!!! We need to have a Stranger Family Reunion now! I'll bring brownies, funeral potatoes, and some green Jell-O!

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    13. Hey, I'm glad I checked back in, I had no idea the party I was missing out on. Thanks swingwise for setting up the group. ELI I am your 10th cousin once removed. But what is interesting is that it's not through my Utah pioneer roots as I expected, it's from my New York grandma's side who never joined the church. So does this mean I get to come to the next party?!

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    14. How am I 11th cousins 2 times removed from Eli, but only 9th cousins 2 times removed from Krishelle? Either their math is off, or something's afoot at the McCaan house.

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    15. Instead of googling Relative Finder, I accidentally got confused and googled "swingwise." I wasn't disappointed, though.
      https://img0.etsystatic.com/028/1/7233751/il_570xN.599363206_s6dh.jpg

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    16. Eli is my 5th cousin! Not even removed. :,)

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    17. Oh. My. Gosh. Sixth cousins!!! This news is SO EXCITING to me, Eli, that I'm commenting for the FIRST TIME EVER even though I've been reading for a LOOOONG time... But sixth cousins! Sign me up for the next reunion!

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    18. Ashley, I noticed the same thing! I am seventh cousins from Krishelle, and eighth cousins from Eli. I am also confused by this, but can only assume it is a giant prank being played by Bob and Cathie... or something with an equally great story attached.

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    19. Is 5th cousin closer than 4th once removed?

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    20. Ummm - I can't find groups on the site . . . . .

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    21. Only 10th cousin once removed from Eli, but 5th cousin once removed from Amy and 6th cousin once and twice removed from Deborah and Nicole. And Brienne is my 9th cousin! (which is a bit less impressive once you realize you're tracing back to the 1700s to find the connection)

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    22. Nicole, I struggled too. Make sure you go to relativefinder.org after you create the family search account. There's s drop down at the top to find groups and you can search for it there.

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    23. Yes, I am 8th Cousin 6 times removed from Eli, as well as his 10th cousin 3 times removed. Different paths - anyone who shows Eli and his sister with different relationships, it means you're related TWICE!!! Twice down the barrel, once up the side! :D

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    24. I'm related to 10 people in the group, Eli and Krishelle are my closest relatives in the group being 11th cousins 2 times removed. Sorry but you just missed my cutoff for sending birthday cards. I limit it to 10th cousins on down. I'm super sad that I'm not related to Lee. This whole thing just reminds me that I'm related to about 90% of the state of Utah and that I need to move out of state to date people, maybe even out of country. Although I don't have it as bad as people in Iceland: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/04/23/iceland-s-incest-prevention-app-gets-people-to-bump-their-phones-before-bumping-in-bed.html

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    25. I really should be working, but I realized that family search was only showing one side of my family tree, so I linked to my father's side and now I'm related to all of you, some on both sides of my family. Be afraid...be very, very afraid.

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    26. I can't believe it not butter

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    27. That incest app just made me realize one could use relativefinder to quickly discover how closely related one is to one's spouse . . .

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    28. So, I logged in as my husband, and I am happy to say that while we share A LOT of ancestors, they are all ancestors from a seriously long time ago. Our closest connection (after our marriage) is that we're ninth cousins once removed.

      Phew.

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    29. Here's what I got at RelativeFinder.org: "We Were Not Able to Find Any Relatives For You". Only once up the barrel, and no going back down that side for me, I guess.

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  8. Your grandma sounds awesome! I'm pretty sure none of my grandparents even knew the word "clubbin" could mean anything besides procuring dead animals for dinner.

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  9. My dad's half sister is also his step mother.
    So there.

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    1. I once worked with a woman who married her stepfather (he also was the man who raised her since her father died when she was young.) That creeped me out.

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    2. What this woman related to Woody Allen?

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  10. I want to go clubbin with your grandmother! Both of mine are pretty cool, but neither goes clubbin.

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  11. Every time I come back, these two posts have more comments and the relative finder group has more members. I feel like pretty soon, I am going to hear this blog mentioned in Relief Society during a lesson on family history and the spirit of Elijah flooding the earth.

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    1. YOU CAN MAKE THIS HAPPEN MICHELLE!

      Challenge: mention this in your next relief society lesson and somehow incorporate "twice up the barrel, once down the side." And make sure you secretly record it so I can post the video here.

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    2. That's almost enough incentive to actually get me to attend Relief Society next week...almost.

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  12. Gah! I want to accept your challenge, but my calling as Primary music leader makes that a little tricky. :( And I live in Mexico, so things might get really lost in translation. Haha that might make it funnier!

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  13. I am just looking forward to the mention at the pulpit in General Conference, "Eli Whittlebottom McCann recently broke family search when he turned all his strangers on to genealogy. We commend him for his work in turning the hearts of the children to their fathers. What have the rest of you done lately?"

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