Tuesday, September 1, 2015

High in Peru

I write to you now from somewhere around 12,000 feet high in the middle of nowhere Peru. And I mean "high" in terms of altitude. And not in terms of inebriation. Although don't think the opportunity hasn't arisen. Last night I was accosted four times by men who got in my face and acerbically offered me "weed cocaine." NOT THAT WE KNOW WHAT THAT IS, CATHIE.

Actually, if they truly were offering me a singular substance called "weed cocaine," and not those two things individually, I definitely really don't know what that is. But I have a feeling it's not my style.

It sort of felt like an after-school special every time it happened. I was compelled on each occasion to blurt out "NO THANK YOU I'M HIGH ON LIFE!" But instead all I could will myself to do was close my jacket more tightly with one hand and wave the other while indignantly saying "NO. THANK YOU." As though I was a classy broad on the receiving end of an improper proposition in the 1930s. 

But besides the weed cocaine, I've been given no improper propositions since arriving in South America on Sunday. I did, however, spend an unfortunate amount of time on trains, planes, and automobiles, treking across the great nation of Peru, through Cusco and then deep into the Andes WHERE IT IS NEGATIVE ONE MILLION DEGREES ALL OF THE TIME ALWAYS. This is because the Andes are at an altitude that is not meant for human consumption. I am so high in the sky right now that I can see your house from here. And you should be ashamed that the Christmas lights are still up. 

I'm fortunate to be traveling with my long lost travel companions, sister Krishelle and uncle Will. And no, Krishelle is not a nun. She's my actual sister from the same mister. Unless Bob and Cathie are keeping secrets from us.

Krishelle, Will, and I have made it through many parts of the world together over the last decade and have been nearly locked up abroad in at least two dozen countries to date. Typically we try to bring our grandma along when we can (so she can inform us of every detail regarding Queen Nor's life, or whatever biography she happens to be reading at the time). But she reportedly told Will when he suggested that she come on this trip something about "what does a little old lady like me have business doing in a situation like that." We're all taking it personally.

But we'll save our sensitivities until after we finish wandering Inca ruins, quaint villages, and every hole-in-the-wall Peruvian cafe between.

 



~It Just Gets Stranger

23 comments:

  1. sometimes i'm not even sure you have a job....and if Brittany wasn't married i'm pretty sure you should have brought her...

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  2. Hair looking fabulous as always.

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  4. Are you going to do the Machu Picchu climb? My wife went there and did that climb right before we got married. She said it was super hard but totally worth it. I think it took 2 or 3 days to climb up all the way. I don't remember.

    Looks like fun.

    Also, you can get both a tea and some kind of pop drink there that has the cocaine leaf in the ingredients. Non-addictive of course. At least that's what she told me.

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  5. How do you resist the urge to yell "A LLAMA?!?" in Yzma's voice every time you see one? (Yes, I'm an adult, but "The Emperor's New Groove" is just too quote-able.) Super jealous of this trip!

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    1. I was singing "CUUUZZZCO" the whole time in my mind as I read this post. And I feel like Ymza says it more like "A Llarma??" but a soft R. Like the brits.

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    2. But he's supposed ta be DEAD!

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    3. Let me see that vial... This isn't poison it's extract of LLAMA!

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  6. What a cool trip!

    I used to really want to go to Peru. Until I heard this story on the radio once about fat American tourists getting kidnapped and having their fat harvested for use in black market products. On the one hand it's like, hey! Free lypo! But on the other, I'm pretty sure they aren't very nice about it...

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    1. Thank you Karen. I didn't want to eat for the rest of the week anyway.

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    2. Don't worry Lee - you're not an American tourist . . . .

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  7. Can you take some photos of your meals...since you're visiting every hole in the wall cafe and all. Thanks!

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  8. Aw, yay! I lived in Peru for a year. It is so wonderful!

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  9. I'm sure this trip was well planned and all, but you always surprise me with your sudden jaunts off to another country!! Have a grand time!!!

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    1. You thought wrong! About to climb in an all night jungle bus. Light a candle for me.

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  10. Ohhhhhmygosh this stirs up nostalgia and longing. If you make it to Lake Titicaca...don't take a drink of it for me. I think that would be unhygienic. But please please please keep posting pictures of those Andes!

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  11. Please stop your word ads. They force me to stop reading at least 5 times per post, as they insist on popping up should my mouse DARE TO ENTER TEXT TERRITORY. Switch to The Blogger Network or something.
    Love you.

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    1. Can you elaborate? I don't intentionally have them. I was able to get them to stop showing up on my end by doing what the Internet told me to do one. I would LOVE to get rid of them for everyone if possible but I have NO CLUE how to do this.

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    2. You probably can't. The ads are how this site make it's money without you having to pay (I'm guessing you don't pay).

      For those of you enjoying the ads...do a Google search for Adblock and install the add on to whatever browser you are using.

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    3. Actually, per the very helpful instructions from a Stranger named Alanna on what the kids are calling "the facebooks," I was finally able to locate something called "code" that had somehow been "embedded" in something called the "html" of something having to do with the Internet. I have deleted this and reports are coming in that the wicked witch is finally dead and we can all go about our lives reading Stranger without buying 3,000 unnecessary items every time we do. Praise be to Alanna.

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