Tuesday, January 24, 2017

America's Spirit Animal

So I just realized that last week I was supposed to announce the winner of the Strangerville Live raffle. But I didn't do it because lazy. And distracted. And also sometime around Wednesday I started thinking I had black lung. Then I thought it was just pneumonia. Then I thought maybe it was Plague. Then I binge-watched Bob Ross on Netflix and forgot I was sick until just right now.

So now I'm wondering if I have Swine Flu. And also I just realized that I've been wearing the same shirt for 48 straight hours. Like, legit, I've slept in this thing even. And I didn't notice until just right now. And this is especially sad because I've been to work in the last 48 hours. Twice. And also I can't totally promise that I'm going to change by tomorrow. I can promise that I plan to sleep in it tonight.

I got distracted again. See? It's very confusing to be me.

The point is, I finally drew names from the raffle. I actually wrote the names down on little pieces of paper, put them in a hat, and drew one. And I just realized right now that I covered my eyes when I did this, I guess so no one would think I was cheating. Which seems a little silly now considering that I'm home alone and nobody could see me anyway.


Well, except for The Perfects, who I found out recently can see directly into every single window that faces east in my house. I discovered this, or rather re-discovered this, on my annual awkward obligatory visit to their front porch to deliver banana bread the week before Christmas. And as I looked over at my little home I suddenly had flashbacks to all 367 days in 2016 during which I walked through my house

A. Completely naked.

B. Wearing something I only wear when I think nobody can see me.

C. No, B is not what you think.

D.


E. Why am I making a list?

The point is, I shut my eyes to do the drawing in case The Perfects were watching through their window and now I kind of hope they were because then they can back me up when I say that I totally didn't cheat when I drew names.

And in my totally-honest name-drawing, I pulled the following name: Helen J.

So Helen, shoot me an email and I'll give you the top-secret instructions to get in the door on February 23.

In other news, I visited my 86-year-old grandma last weekend in California and this is a real conversation we had:

Grandma: I can't believe it's already time for you to go.

Eli: I know. It's always so hard to say goodbye to you.

Grandma: And you didn't even ask me if I wanted to go clubbin'.

Eli: Yes I did. Last night at 8:00 I asked you if you wanted to hit the clubs and you picked up your crotchet needles and walked out of the room and went to bed.

Grandma: Did that really happen?

Eli: Yes.

Grandma: Oh dear. I guess I just don't hear things like I used to.

Eli: I'll say it louder next time.

Grandma: Ok. And then we can hit the clubs aaaaaaall night. Well, until 9:30. Or 8:30. Do they have any drive-through clubs where you don't have to get dressed up or get out of the car?

And then she mimicked dancing in a sitting position.

My grandma is everyone's spirit animal.


~It Just Gets Stranger

19 comments:

  1. I love your grandma. I have goals for my later years because of her.

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  2. Every time you write about the Perfects, my dyslexic brain reads Prefects, and the only Prefects I know are in Harry Potter books. So, um, yeah--what house are you sorted into? (I'd assume lawyers are in Slytherin, but you do seem to be more Weasley than Malfoy...)

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    1. I used to read that too; you're not alone.

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    2. I tend to skim read, and I see that sometimes, too... but my mind goes to Ford Prefect in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Ford was an alien posing as a human... so... it kind of fits. ;)

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    3. Once again I am proven to be older than everyone else in the Strangerville universe because when I see "Prefect" I think of Ford Prefect and Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. And I have no idea about the Harry Potter books. I mean, I *think* they are about a little boy doing weird things, but then again, that could be my nephew, so...

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    4. Just fyi: I took the house test on the Harry Potter website a few months ago and I got Gryffindor. I didn't really care which house I got as long as I didn't end up in Hufflepuff.

      My patronus was really disappointing. I'm embarrassed to say it's an aardvark. I don't know what this says about me, but I'm certain it can't be good.

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    5. I'm a ravenclaw myself, but don't hate on hufflepuffs, have you seen Fantastic Beasts and Where to find them? Newt Scamander is a hufflepuff and he is a beautiful and amazing being

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    6. I should admit that I kind of cheated on the quiz. When it asked questions about bravery I made sure to indicate that I was as brave as is humanly possible.

      But I was pretty brave to admit this, so . . .

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    7. Gryffindor, Sphynx Cat. Funny, my second cat as a child was named Sphynx. BTW, LOVE your Booty Shorts!

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    8. Having nothing more exciting to do this morning I decided to also check out my house and patronus, and also find myself dismayed? Appalled? First, it tells me my patronus is a "grass snake". I don't even... and then it puts me in Ravenclaw when I was sure as anything I would be hufflepuff. My whole world is... who am I?

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    9. Amy that makes you a Slitherclaw like me.

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    10. Ah, yes, giving it a title and knowing there are other people out there who are "like me" have suddenly made it seem not so weird? awkward? Slitherclaws, unite!

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  3. A drive through club...... this needs to be a thing! You should suggest to your nan that she go on Dragon's Den with this idea

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  4. You totally sounded sick on the podcast - I am sick so I commiserated and told my child to add your name when he prayed for me to get better before bed.

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  5. By wearing the same clothes every day you are conserving water. You are a good American.

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  6. This post sounds like my son when he forgets to take his adhd meds...

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  7. I have been watching Dr Who (11th Doctor) with some of my kids lately so his voice was in my head as I read this and it fit perfectly. Also, my four year old likes Bob Ross and will now take the broom to paint the walls a la Bob's intro segment.

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  8. I would totally go clubbing if I could do it without putting actual clothes on or getting out of my car.

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