We talked for a while. And the conversation naturally moved to what I would do after Palau. I was telling him about how I would likely look for a job in the Salt Lake area but I wasn't sure, exactly, and that I hoped to find a good job before my contract in Palau ended.
We talked about those plans to look for a job in Salt Lake City for a while. I had expressed worry about not being able to find work. And then he said, "well, do you have any good contacts that could help you?"
And I said the following:
"Um . . . actually I don't wear contacts. I mean, I have these glasses, but my prescription is super weak. I don't really need them. But I like wearing them because I think they make me look smart hahahaha. I don't think I could ever wear contacts. It would be hard for me to stick something into my eyes."
That was what I said. That was the answer I gave him to his question. He just stared at me. And I could tell something awkward had happened, but I wasn't sure what it was.
It seriously took a whole day for me to replay the conversation in my mind and realize that he was obviously not talking about contact lenses when he asked me, during our conversation about trying to find a job, whether I had any "contacts." I was driving somewhere when I realized it. I started screaming in my car. It was like that scene in Home Alone where the mom is on the plane and she suddenly yells "KEVIN."
It has now been six years. I think about that conversation five times a week.
Regularly while lying in bed, I get cringey because I suddenly remember that conversation.
When Sam and I were 10, we were playing in Sam's basement and his parents had one of those old exercise bikes that had a front wheel that was like a fan and when you pedaled the fan would blow out air. It looked like this:
I don't know why we were doing this, but Sam climbed onto the bike and started pedaling and I dropped down and put my face in front of the fan and felt the wind blow on me. Then I pulled my shirt down at the collar and said in what I would describe as a "middle-aged soap opera woman voice," "Oh! This air feels so good on my breasts!"
Right then both Sam and I looked over and saw Sam's dad standing in the doorway, staring at us. He then turned around, without saying a word, and walked back up the stairs.
For years every time I saw him I wondered if he was thinking about the exercise bike experience.
Now every time I see him I wonder if he's thinking about the contacts conversation, too.
How about you? Is there anything you think about and cringe over frequently?
~It Just Gets Stranger
I think I legit have face blindness. All white girls with long brown hair and glasses look EXACTLY the same to me and in my head they are all named Becky or Jenny. I sometimes struggle even recognizing friends or family members when I see them in public places where I'm not expecting to see them. If I hear them speak it helps me identify them but I'll often see someone and then days later realized that I knew them and where I knew them from.
ReplyDelete5 years ago when I started working at my current job I was REALLY struggling to remember the names of my coworkers. There were about a dozen of them, all Caucasian males, all clean cut, all between the ages of 21-35...this included my boss, Travis. Keep in mind that they also wear uniform shirts with their names on them.
I'd been there a month, I took a phone call and they asked for Travis, my boss...the guy who hired me, the guy who was in the office with me all day every day while all the other techs went out on their routes to do services. I went to walk out into our shop and just as I opened the door my boss, Travis, was heading to walk into the office. He said "Oh do you need something?" and I said "Yeah, the phone is for Travis, is he out there?" while looking TRAVIS straight in the eye. He cocked an eyebrow and kind of tipped his head to the side and said "You mean the phone is for...me?" and that's when I realized that I'd forgotten what my boss looked like and what his name was. You'd think that I'd have that down after a month! I felt so stupid.
Sometimes I think we might be the same person.
DeleteExcept my hair isn't as fabulous yours, but other than that...totally like looking into a mirror. At boxing last night it was hotter than usual and I was sweaty and gross and felt like dying. For a hot second I considered walking over to the large fan in the corner and doing what you did with the stationary bike but I didn't want EVERYONE there to think I'd lost my mind.
DeleteAll. of. the. time. But I have this superpower where I block them from my memory, except at 11pm as I'm trying to fall asleep and then I'll writhe in cringiness as I can't fall asleep replaying the moment over and over in my head. Superpower currently in effect because not one of the MANY comes to mind right now.
ReplyDeleteI feel ya Amanda! All of my embarrassing moments tend to circulate right as I’m trying to fall asleep for the night as well!!
DeleteOne time I looked a client dead in the eye and, in my absolute all time best customer service voice, asked him if he happened to know his wife's name.
ReplyDeleteI used to be a paralegal at a law firm. There were a lot of attorneys, and during the first few months there I still hadn't met a handful of them. I had to go to--let's call him Bob--'s office. I had seen a man walking around the law firm that I'd never met, but for whatever reason I had it in my head that that was Bob. Nothing and no one ever gave me that idea other than myself. I went to Bob's office and saw a different man sitting behind the desk. I immediately assumed that Bob was in court and another attorney was filling in. I handed Fake Bob a document and said "when Bob gets back, will you have him sign this?" FB gave me a strange look and then said he'd sign it right then and there. I said "No! Bob has to sign it. I'll wait for him to get back." We had this completely bizarre back and forth for several minutes, WITH OTHER PEOPLE IN THE OFFICE giving me the same freaked out stare, before I finally left. I relayed the weird interaction to a coworker who pulled up the company directory. I had been talking to Bob the entire time. WHY I had assumed another attorney was filling in for him because he didn't match the picture in my head, and WHY that other attorney would be in Bob's office was absolutely ludicrous in hindsight, but it made perfect sense to me at the time. I did everything in my power to avoid him the next few years I worked there. Every single time I came across him, something humiliating happened to me, like my button-up shirt spontaneously unbuttoning itself as I walked by. That was 5 years ago. I don't work there anymore, but it still keeps me up at night.
ReplyDeleteSo So So many things . . . .
ReplyDeleteHere is one:
I work at in college administration. There are two individuals whom I credit my interest in this field to - both of who I worked for in the past when I was an undergrad, one of whom I attended graduate school with. I have an extreme amount of respect for these individuals.
Over a decade passed between when I graduated from graduate school and encountered them again. I was in a position to be attending conferences they attended (which was a really big deal for me). I was in line to get registered for a one of said conferences when they suddenly appeared at the opening to the check-in line. It was one of those deals where they make the maze with the velvet-like ropes so the line will zig-zag around and make more space for people. There were about two people behind me and about 6 of these velvet-rope lines between me and my mentors. Rather than simply go back the way I came through the rope-maze I decided it would be better to go under the ropes to get to them as quickly as humanly possible.
Why didn't you step over the ropes, you ask? Because I was worried I'd trip over one and fall. Instead - I tripped over my own feet and fell.
Flat on my face.
Directly in front of them.
I think about this whenever our paths cross now.
I think most of my cringe moments have occurred when I was attempting to flirt with a cute guy. I am absolutely TERRIBLE at flirting. Anytime I feel brave enough to try my hand at flirting again and fail in the attempt, all previous cringe moments flood back into my mind and haunt me until I vow to never try flirting and "just act casually" instead. And thus, my single life continues...
ReplyDeleteI have SO many cringe worthy moments. Mostly with guys I had huge gigantic restraining warrant sized crushes on. Ugh. I find it therapeutic though to tell people about it. Luckily my husband loves me even if I used to be mega creepy. So hopefully this post has been therapeutic for you! :)
ReplyDeleteI was in a job interview and they asked me to tell them about a conflict that I'd had and how I had resolved it. At that point I had been working customer service for over two years so I had an abundance of work and customer-related conflicts to draw from, but I decided to tell them about a difficult roommate I had had recently.
ReplyDeleteI told them, "I had a difficult roommate and the situation needed to be resolved. I talked to her, communicated, and tried compromising. But the situation didn't improve so I... Moved."
They had been nodding the whole story and when I got to the end they stopped and looked up at me.
"You... Moved?"
"Yes."
I didn't get the job. The worst part was that, even though I knew it was ending poorly, I couldn't stop myself from telling the story to the end. It was like watching a train crash. And I was the driver.
When I was in 8th grade, I was at basketball practice one night. My coach (who was also my science teacher) was teasing me and had turned his back towards me, and I put my hands on the small of his back and shoved. When he fell to the floor, I remembered he had thrown his back out a few days before shoveling snow. I still lay awake at night feeling bad about that one.
ReplyDeleteIn college, I had a crush on a guy I had recently met. I knew exactly where he was from (close to where my parents had just moved), but asked him anyway. Instead of saying something normal like, “oh, my parents just moved to such and such a place,” I decided it would endear me to him eternally by saying “oh, my cousin just died in a car crash there.” Because flirting.
I'm just now reading Order of the Phoenix and this exchange entirely made me think of Harry's first date with Cho.
DeleteThere’s no way you could have known this, but that’s pretty much the best compliment you could have possibly given me! I love Harry Potter so much, so being compared to any aspect of HP (even a super awkward one) is definitely winning!
DeleteHow about when I was 17. I was at a church dance, dancing with the guy I'd had a crush on for several months, the slow song we were dancing to playing in the background, he starts to lean in like he's about to kiss me (I was 17 and had never been kissed),I panic and do the first thing that comes to my head...I head butt him. I'm 42 now, and this still haunts me.
ReplyDeleteSo i have this barber i pay too much money to go to because it's such a calm relaxing experience. The shop has a group of three barbers all under 30 i'd say. they listen to vinyl records, offer hot towels, and all in all are just pretty cool guys.
ReplyDeletei REALLY WANT THEM TO THINK I'M COOL.
so i mention that one of my hobbies is making actual mix taps. Issac my barber says "that's so awesome. You should make me one."
being lazy and unmotivated, it takes me weeks to get around to it. Being obsessive and impulsive as soon as i'm done with the tape i walk over to the barber shop. I don't have an appointment. I walk in, and the only people in the shop are Issac and a middle aged man whose hair he's cutting. Proudly, i present to him the mix tape. The one i made for him.
Isaac says, "oh sweet. what's the theme?"
my mind spazzes out. How was i supposed to know i needed to defend this. How was i supposed to know i needed a theme. I just put a bunch of songs i thought he would think were cool on it.
But the man asked for a theme.
my mind, perhaps in a freudian slip, or perhaps because i'm an idiot says, "it's love songs"
Isaac had a look of sincere confusion on his face. The look a child gives you when they bite into a jelly filled doughnut that has had the jelly replaced with catsup. I suddenly realize that i've just told another man, a straight man, who i do have a low key crush on, that i gave him a tape of love songs.
I needed to recover somehow, or never show my face at this barber shop again.
"i mean the theme is pain" cause pain is the opposite of love....
Isaac is no longer confused. His face now bears a look of fear. What should he do with this crazy man.
having completely embarrassed myself, made only worse by the fact that, while i don't mind people knowing i'm gay, it's always awkward to come out in a manner where you tell them you are giving them a mix tape of love songs--especially when this person is someone you pay monthly to be near you and cut you hair and massage your head--i decided the best course of action was to leave immediately. never return and probably never get my hair cut again by anyone as insurance to never have this complete failure of normal modes of communication again.
i left in shame.
but, like a dog to it's vomit--it's beautiful vomit, the next month i returned to Isaac for another hair cut.
Like most straight men, he didn't acknowledge the awkwardness, and half way through the hair cut said "hey that mix tape had some cool songs"
I've said for years that straight men make the best friends because most of them are incapable of having friendship drama.
Deleteyou speak the truth.
DeleteOh my gosh I needed this laugh today thank you!
ReplyDeleteMine isn't THAT bad but I totally still cringe because it was So traumatic to my 11th Grade Self.
My boyfriend came home from college for the weekend and brought a buddy, Matt, with him. He invited me for supper with them and his sisters at his parents house. During supper my boyfriend's mother asked, "So do you have a big family?" I looked up and she appeared to be looking at me, though I thought it was an odd question since we'd known each other for a few years. But, come to think of it (in that split second before I started talking), we had never really talked about that.
So I go on for about 5 minutes about how I have two brothers, but my dad is the oldest of 8 and my mom the oldest of 5 and she ended up raising a couple of her younger siblings (who I shared a room with) because of her mom's alcoholism -- but don't worry -- it doesn't run in the family, I don't even drink. Well my dad's family drinks but they're Catholics, and you know Catholics Amiright? I have a million cousins, so even though I have two brothers, I've always felt like "Yes, I have a pretty large family."
When I was finished I noticed that the 6 people at the table were kind of grinning, and it didn't seem like it was because they were jumping on the Bashing Catholics Bandwagon. So my boyfriends mother looks at me and says, "Actually, I was talking to Matt." At which point everyone burst out laughing because I was, apparently, the only one who did NOT realize this. I died. I still die.
In my defense, Matt was sitting right next to me so it LOOKED like she was looking at ME! I always thought that was pretty rude of her. I mean she could have just smiled and nodded at me and said, "And how about you, Matt?" instead of making it plain that I was an idiot, Amiright?
We broke up on his next visit home, after he let me treat him to dinner and my Junior Prom, because he had a girlfriend at college. Ironically I lost a bunch of friends in that deal because, you guessed it, once again I was the last one to know. :)
I have one of those minds that thinks it's funny to sometimes give me a random word instead of the one I want. I have no clue how it picks these substitute words, but it's really, really good at supplying the most cringeworthy choices possible.
ReplyDeleteIn the 80s, way back when overalls were cool, I badgered my mom into buying me a pair so I could be one of the cool kids. Unfortunately, that plan was forever ruined when I walked up to a group of my friends and announced, "Look, I got a new pair of enchiladas!" Apparently, people in the vicinity heard it, and for the rest of the day (and actually for several days after), people in the hall would say, "Hey - nice enchiladas!" Yay me.
I feel you. My brain does this too. Awful.
DeleteAt a craft fair once, this guy was selling those word blocks with phrases on them. They said the 6 B's that President Hinckley spoke about years ago - "be grateful, be prayerful," etc. and so I assumed that the guy had to be LDS (because NO ONE outside the church ever thinks about "being smart?" I don't know?). So I asked him "so, you're LDS, huh?" And he was like... um, no? Normal people would've walked away at that point. Not me, and I'm not sure why I pressed the matter when I was like "Oh! Haha, depends who's asking, amIright?" Truly, no one has ever looked at me like I was such an idiot as that guy did. I heard him mumble "wait, what?" when I walked away.
ReplyDeleteI was hiking with a group of people. On the way down, the group split into mini groups with big gaps between. Because, you know, some people practically run down the mountain, and others walk like lame tortoises. Naturally, I ended up alone somewhere in the middle of the group, and was enjoying the peace and nature and stuff. This really attractive guy caught up to me, and his first question was, "How's it going?". My response (surprised that he was intentionally taking to me): "Oh, I'm just enjoying the solitude." *awkward pause* followed by an "Ok. Sorry." and dramatic increase of pace on his part. It was like a super awkward scene in a movie. I reached out my hand and mouthed Noooooo! Wait! (My vocal chords simultaneously went on strike when they realized how they had betrayed me.) Then, he disappeared around the next bend. We never spoke again.
ReplyDeleteI was late for work so I grabbed my work pants out of the dryer, threw them on and rushed to work. I got there, sat down at my desk and worked for about 5 minutes. When I finally turned around to ask my boss a question I saw some underwear on the floor. They were MY underwear! They had been in my pant leg and because I was in such a rush I didn’t even realize. My boss never said a word but I know he saw them! My face is red just thinking about this.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA this is awesome!! I have found socks and dryer sheets in my pants but not underwear.. LOL
DeleteWhen I was 10-11ish, I spent the night at my best friend/neighbor’s house. She had many siblings, one of which being a brother about 3 years older than us (and who was so totally gross and weird, because brothers, ew!). Anyway their family would gathering kneel together for a prayer before bed every night. Immediately after the prayer, I leaped up from the ground and accidentally flipped my nightgown above my head. Directly in front of said brother who had yet to get up. I mean I’m sure the rest of her family ALSO saw my underwear, but that was the part I remembered and that made me cringe for YEARS. I’m pretty sure there is a page in my childhood journal dedicated to that experience, haha.
ReplyDeleteAlso when I was little I used to invent infomercials when I was in the bathroom and practice them in front of the mirror. I was caught doing this many, many, many times and getting caught never got any less cringe-y.
On Monday of this week, my 3 year old decided to lick the keypad in the checkstand of the grocery store (Why??? No idea, but his voice has been extra raspy ever since, so I’m sure e caught some weird WalMart disease). I used the keypad to pay and realized ew, it was completely disgusting and I had to do something. So I pulled hand sanitizer out of my purse and asked the cashier if she had a paper towel or something. I had to explain my request and why I wanted the paper towel like 3 times before she understood me. And then she pulled out one of those ginormous rolls of toilet paper for commercial bathrooms and hands me a wad of TP. So that was weird but dangit, I cleaned that keypad!
Shopping with small children is just full of cringing in general. Haha.
When my daughter was a teenager, We went out for a nice lunch together and were then wandering the adjoining gift shop. She excused herself to use the restroom. She was gone several minutes so I decided to go see why she was taking so long. I found the restroom and could see the stall door was still closed. So I quietly entered the next stall and waited. I heard the flush, the stall door opened, and with perfect timing I jumped out of the next stall yelling “Raaaawww!” It really shook up the lady coming out of the stall. All I could say was “Oh! I’m so sorry! I thought you were my daughter!” So. Embarrassing.
ReplyDeleteOh, Rip!!! I can totally see you doing this!!! [Francie]
DeleteThese comments make me so happy to know I'm not the only awkward one out there - solidarity people . . . .solidarity . . .
ReplyDeleteI dated a guy off and on and then went on a mission. When I got back home, we went out to lunch to catch up. We hadn't talked about anything serious, but I got it into my head that I needed to tell him we shouldn't date, so I called him up and we met to talk about it. A couple days later I decided I had made a big mistake, so I wrote him a really long, heartfelt email expressing my undying love and asking if we could date again. UNBEKNOWNST TO ME, he had set up a forward on his email account so that all emails from me would go straight to his roommate. That way he could avoid any unwanted interaction but could know if something really important happened. His roommate forwarded it to him and simply said, "Um, I think you should see this one." When I found out much later, I really and truly wanted to crawl into a hole. It's still so embarrassing to think about. On the happy side, this boy and I ended up getting married and are celebrating our eleventh anniversary tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteHonestly you make me lmao all the time!
ReplyDeleteI was visiting with a woman who had recently moved to our town. As we were talking, I was trying to get to know her better and I asked her about her family. She told me she had grown up in Oregon with five sisters. I joked with her that it must have been a bit crazy to have all those girls in the house. She told me “Yes, it really was, my mom shouldn’t have had that many kids. She was always stressed and things always seemed crazy and disorganized at home.” I responded with something generic like, “While you all survived, so I guess she did okay.” She then said, “Actually, one of my sisters is dead.” She didn’t elaborate or say anything else about it. I told her how sorry I was and left shortly after. I still feel horrible about it!
ReplyDeleteI was fresh out of college with my BA in History Education. I went in for a interview at a local school the History department head looked at me and said, "Which two presidents that are not on Mt. Rushmore do you admire most and why?" I completely blanked so I said the first thing which popped into into my head which was..... "Uhhhh. Lincoln. Because....you know the whole slavery thing?" To make matters worse, Lincoln is totally one of the presidents on Mt. Rushmore.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I have a day that goes by that I don't say something cringeworthy. As I lay in bed at night thinking about the day I just think tomorrow I won't talk. Then it just happens all over. I'm now going to take comfort in the fact that maybe no one else thinks I'm an idiot because they lie in bed at night thinking about all they dumb things they said.
ReplyDelete