I cringe at the thought that in 2009 my sister, uncle, and I went to Guatemala and baked our bodies under the almost-equatorial sun to the point that we had rotate ourselves in a moving line under a spigot that dripped cold water for two full days. "But think about how tan we'll be when this all peels off," I remember one of us saying. "Totally." the other two responded.
Fortunately before I moved to Palau in 2012 I had started to think more about my future. "I don't want to come back to the U.S. looking like dried leather," I told a woman at the grocery store who had noticed I was shopping for sunscreen, just like she was. She said she was going to the Caribbean for a week. "Same," she said. "Why would I want to be hot for a few months if the price is prunes for a lifetime?"
I didn't moisturize in Palau. The air did that for me. But I did obsessively protect my skin from UV rays to the point that I did not receive a single sunburn in the time I lived there.
A year or two after I moved back I started dating a guy who was probably too young for me. "What are you thinking?" I asked him when he told me he was going to a tanning salon after work. I heard myself turning into an old man, so I just went for it. We were standing on the side of South Temple in downtown Salt Lake City, getting ready to cross the street. "Learn these lessons in your youth!" I shouted, impersonating some unnamed elderly person while shaking my fist.
Over the next few years I started caring more and more about a moisturizing habit. I looked up products. I talked to friends who had flawless complexions. I tried products that changed my life, like this one:
The more and more I started to care about this, the more I noticed when other men didn't.
"He just really needs a good moisturizer," I've said on occasion while talking about some dude whose skin was flaking or unnecessarily wrinkling around the eyes. "Even a basic one."
I was thinking about that this weekend when I tweeted.
Therapist: what brings you in?— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) February 22, 2020
Me: I know a lot of straight dudes and I can’t stop thinking about how little they probably moisturize.
Some of my straight dude friends were like "WHAAAAT" including Meg's husband.
I’m sure the mega jug of Jergens felt the same way.— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) February 22, 2020
So then I thought I'd finally just share my regimen. All advice/tips VERY welcome in the comments. Thanks in advance.
I think the reason straight dudes ("SDs") don't moisturize is because we haven't made it accessible enough for them. So I'm going to fix that by explaining my 5-step regimen in terms that might help bridge the gap. (And you should listen to me because I'm *very* pretty.)— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) February 23, 2020
1. I pat this REN tonic on my face and neck right after I get out of the shower. It ensures a healthy glow and minimized pores. This is just like when LeBron James drops a field goal right down the pike in the first inning when he's performing sports games. pic.twitter.com/kW0nJF2FNc— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) February 23, 2020
3. Before leaving the house I drench myself in this non-greasy moisturizing sunscreen by Avène. This protects my skin throughout the day just like Bernie is trying to protect the working class. If you use only one product, make it this one. Most SD's don't. (I know. #NotAllMen) pic.twitter.com/sA0IEdYq0V— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) February 23, 2020
5. Finally, I gently place a dollop of Dr. Gross Eye Cream under my eyes (again, just before bed). Eye cream is like a movie without The Rock. Sure, it might be an ok film, as long as it was directed by Martin Scorsese, but it would have been better with The Rock. pic.twitter.com/Y8C5LvReLT— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) February 23, 2020
~It Just Gets StrangerThat's basically it. If you just do those five things every day you will srsly be so hot and cute. I want that for you because I love you SDs like you love clothes that don't fit and eating the same meal five days in a row.— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) February 23, 2020
Hit me up with Qs or if you just want to play guitars.
Moisturizing is my favorite. I will definitely look into stocking up on some of these and giving them a whirl.
ReplyDeleteAs I've aged I've cared more about my skin regimen. I've received compliments many times through the years that I have flawless skin or magnificent pores. I don't think I have either of these but I do intend to do what is necessary to keep getting such compliments.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I haven't started using eye cream until recently. I get Ipsy bags and they've included various eye rejuvenation serums and I've had mixed results. The problem is that when I first started using them, I didn't note that I liked particular ones. Now that I'm using one I don't find particularly helpful, I wish I had noted the ones I like. The other problem is that I'm kinda cheap. Like - I am not about to spend $50 on a .08 ounce fluid tube of eye cream.
So I'm open to suggestions for reasonably priced eye creams for *cough* middle-aged *cough* women.
I read this here while back and thought of you.
ReplyDeletehttps://www.cnn.com/travel/article/palau-sunscreen-ban-environment-intl/index.html
Can I just say that along with taking care of your skin, and SD's skin, you can also take care of animals skin. And I know you're an animal lover Eli! There are plenty of equally effective and delish products that haven't been tested on animals...
ReplyDeleteI don’t even wash my face at night let alone put moisturizer on it. And my little sister, who is a skin care nut as well, basically dies a little inside every time I go to bed with makeup on my face.
ReplyDeleteI may have died inside a lot from this knowledge. My best friend does this as well and I weep for her.
DeleteI’m with you, Hilary. I don’t know your reasons, but I guess I never really learned anything about skin care? And now that I’m in my mid 30s, I can’t swallow the cost. I know that’s terrible. I wish this was something I had done when I was younger so it wouldn’t be such an oof now...it’d just be an expense that comes with living, like toilet paper or socks or something.
DeleteAlso, I got trapped in a room of essential oils peeps last week and was unfortunately on the front row on the very end. Instead of being able to discreetly pass the bottles to the next person like the other unsuspecting fellow trap-ees, they’d stand in front of me and explain all the benefits and how-to’s while waiting for me to open the bottle, put two drops on my non dominant hand, clap and rub three times in a clockwise motion, cup my hands and inhale, etc. ad nauseam. It was awful and I couldn’t breathe but I was also wishing you were there with me, Eli! Misery loves company? They were passing around a tiny bottle that cost $86! And there was a whole basket of bottles that they use every single day/night. The fumes gave me a headache and knowing the amount of money I was inhaling made me so sick.
good god! what does all that cost!
ReplyDeleteI had terrible skin growing up, so a large part of my life has been spent on finding a skin regime that works for me. I use mostly Paula's Choice products. As I've gotten older, I've seen a huge improvement. One of the best compliments I ever received was when an esthetician told my skin looked amazing!
ReplyDeleteLazy here. I don’t even wash my face. I figure it is good from whatever water and soap maybe splashed on it when I shower.
ReplyDeleteI do take really good care of my teeth, and I wonder why I don’t do anything for my face.
But then I go back to lazy.
I try to remember to wear sunblock. We moved to the equator in 2017. My freckles have tripled, and I have some sun spots now. Shucks. But still too lazy to take care of my face.
So it isn’t just straight men. Ha I’m hopeless, too.
If you want to up your SPF game (although 25 is pretty good) I love this one by the Body Shop. It's light, not greasy, smells citrisy not like sunblock. https://www.thebodyshop.com/en-us/skin-care/moisturizers/vitamin-c-glow-protect-lotion-spf-30/p/p000323
ReplyDeleteI'm here to tell you, moisturizing IS important - but you don't need all this. Neutrogena hydro boost (without frangrance) + CeraVe cream = skin holy grail. Your wallet and skin will totes thank you.
ReplyDeleteRetinoids/Retinols are a great anti-aging tool, but they do dry the skin and I think you have to be careful what you pair with it.