Monday, August 5, 2013

Daniel is Driving me CRAZY.

Have you ever lived with another person under the same roof? You have? Well this post is probably for you!

Daniel is driving me CRAZY.

And I think this is one of those things where I turned a blind eye to a lot of the quirks and insane ticks for so long because I knew they were un-fixable but now that the end is approaching I've just let myself experience two years of suppressed fury over them all at once.

I give you an example.

A few weeks ago Krishelle, Daniel, and I went to Carp Island. I told you all about it. Showed you pictures even. It was glorious. Unfortunately we all got some itchy bug-bites all over our legs. Krishelle and I did our best to ignore them, LIKE RESPONSIBLE GROWN-UPS.

Well Mr. Daniel began vigorously scratching them constantly. He would pull over the car so he could get a good scratch in. Every time he saw a piece of coral he would stop and drag his legs across it. If we saw a bed of nails he probably would have rolled around on it until he died of blood-loss. But his muscles would have such impeccable muscle memory of scratching that he would keep doing it after death until his body sufficiently decomposed and then got donated to the Smithsonian for its display of giants.

We tried to stop him. I wasn't totally sure why he wasn't supposed to do it but I just know that Bob and Cathie used to act like scratching an itchy bug-bite was illegal and if I did it those people would probably come and take me away.

Thanks, Bob and Cathie, for using the social services threat to keep me from scratching my bug-bites!

After a week of this scratching, Daniel's legs looked like leprosy. And if he wasn't freaking out so loudly, I would have done a good "SEE?!"

That's around the time that Mr. Daniel started OBSESSIVELY looking for healing ointments for his probably-permanently-scarred legs.

For about seven days he asked every single person everywhere he went if they knew of anything that might work. And every Palauan we encountered DID know of a dozen witch-doctor home remedies that would absolutely do the trick and that they happened to be carrying on them at the time. Without questioning any advice given, Daniel started rubbing home-concocted oils, creams, powders, fluids, etc., that people were giving him on the street. For several days his legs were covered in about five layers of foamy substances, which, unfortunately, got all over his FAVORITE pair of shorts.

You would have thought the world was ending when this happened. The oils got onto his shorts sometime around 10:00 in the morning on a weekday. That evening he showed me and Krishelle what had happened and asked us whether we thought it would come out in the wash. We told him that it absolutely would not. And that's when it all began.

Daniel has washed those FREAKING shorts every. single. day. for over two weeks now. His attempts to get rid of the stains have completely taken over our lives. He has tried every possible trick he has read on the Internets. He has asked every man, woman, and child, on the island for their advice. And he has followed each suggestion thirty or forty times.

We go to the store three times a day to buy more stain removal or look for a different kind or ask the people to check in the back and see if they have some kind of miracle potion or unicorn blood that isn't already out on the shelves. EVERY. DAY.

He has a bucket in the shower now that he uses in his nightly ritual. He scrubs the shorts with dish soap, five different stain removal products, laundry detergent, the Queen of Colors's's saliva, etc. Then he puts them through the washing machine. Then he hangs them out on the balcony. He checks them every ten minutes while they are drying and repeatedly yells to me, "I THINK IT'S WORKING THIS TIME! WILL YOU COME SEE IF YOU THINK IT'S WORKING?!"

Guys. IT IS NOT WORKING. The stains have not diminished at all.

Last night we stopped by the store to pick up one very important item that I absolutely needed (a large bucket of ice cream). As soon as we walked into the store Daniel announced, "I'm going to run over to that section to see if they have any new stain removal today!"

Guys. I have been so patient through what is most definitely the most trying experience of my entire life. I have tried not to be openly critical of the impossible stain-removal project. I have even refrained from repeatedly pointing out that he can buy those same shorts again for $15 dollars, probably a quarter of the amount he has now spent on trying to remove the permanently-set oil stains. But last night I finally just lost it.

Eli: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!

Daniel: What?

Eli: Daniel! This is madness! This is all madness! Those stains are NOT going to come out! You are wasting your entire life on something that is never going to happen!

Walking away now, I could hear Daniel's frustrated voice say,

Daniel: Why do you even care? This doesn't affect you in any way.

I bit my tongue. And the whole drive home I kept myself from listing all of the ways that this insanity was affecting me in every way. Then we got back into the apartment.

Daniel started making pumpkin bread and when he stuck it into the oven I asked him whether he had put chocolate chips in it, his favorite thing to put in any kind of bread. He hadn't. I asked him why not and he just said, "because you prefer it without them."

And suddenly it hit me that Daniel does a lot of stuff and inconveniences himself in a lot of ways just to accommodate me. He does my laundry and never says a word about it. He has stayed in Palau in part just to keep me company. He has listened to me monotonously detail my every happening of every day, feeling outraged when I need him to and cheering me up when I need that too. And sometimes he even makes pumpkin bread without chocolate chips just because I like it that way better. And as I thought about this, I felt selfish for caring about a little stain removal project.

Friends and family are those people who spend absurd amounts of time doing things that don't matter to them just because they matter to you. Even, sometimes, when those things don't make sense.

Last night I volunteered to help scrub the shorts with dish soap. An hour later when Daniel excitedly held them up and said, "I think it's working! Will you come see if you think it's working?" I walked over, warm pumpkin bread in hand, and offered, "you know what, kiddo? I think it's finally doing the trick."

~It Just Gets Stranger

46 comments:

  1. I think it's great that you were able to realize that. I just don't understand why you don't do laundry. I'm assuming you have a washer and a dryer, right? I mean, I don't LOVE to do laundry but it's so easy. Especially if you only do yours. Why do you not do it? Are you just exaggerating? I just don't get it. :)

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  2. Buncha Farmers Stain Stick. The best, look 'em up, they've saved me from a lot of impossible stains!

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  3. You are a good friend. Well, eventually you're a good friend. And that's what matters, the eventually.

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  4. Is something wrong with me? This story made me laugh mostly but then I actually started crying at the end. I feel like a crazy person!

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    1. I am in the same laugh, laugh, cry boat. Very heart warming Eli.

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    2. ME TOO!!! Thanks Eli, this is a wonderful entry!

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    3. You're not alone.

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  5. This story encompasses all of the reasons I read Stranger every day.

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  6. I'm about to move in with some new roommates. It'll be good to remember this when they drive me nuts or vise versa. :)

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  7. I think you should try to secretly replace the stained shorts with an identical pair and let him think he removed the stain.

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    Replies
    1. I agree with Alyssa!

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    2. I like that... but maybe say Leotrix ate the old pair so you HAD to get him a new pair... always gotta throw in Leotrix.
      Orrrr, you could tell him that swimming with sea turtles would do the trick so he has to come with you. Although, then you'd have to share your oxygen and no one likes to do that!

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  8. Love love LOVE this.

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  9. Tell Daniel to make no further efforts on the oil stained shorts, when he comes HOME!(cartwheels, squeals, clapping, cheering)... we will ask Sis K to work her laundry magic on them.

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  10. Thanks Daniel! My hubby is deployed right now and all of those things that I thought I could never get over are so missed right now!

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  11. Aw, I'm getting all teary eyed. We often get distracted by the shortcomings of those around us and forget to notice how amazing they can be. I'm glad you noticed, Eli. :)

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  12. You are such a good boyfriend.

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  13. That, Eli, is what marriage is like. You start to get annoyed at the little things and sometimes yell and cry... then you take a step back and see how selfish you've gotten. So you start over and remember what was it about them that you liked.

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  14. Awwws! What a bromance! :')

    Tell him to let them dry, and then rub chalk on them and throw them in the wash. It might just work if the stains haven't seeped in. I hope he gets it out! ^.^

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  15. You are growing up so nicely. Daniel is such an amazing person. You are lucky to have him.

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  16. Tell him to use fire…fire will get those stains out.

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  17. Sweet story. And you knew you would get a million more stain removal tricks. Here is mine: Hydrogen peroxide and dawn dish soap. I use just the peroxide but the Dawn helps with oils especially.

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  18. Why doesn't he just soak the shorts entirely in oil so that they're completely oil-stained? Bet you couldn't even tell, they'll just be a slightly darker colour.

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    1. Unfortunately they then can smell like rancid oil.

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    2. Trish, I pray to all of the gods out there that Daniel doesn't decide to start reading Stranger today and end up seeing your comment.

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  19. I kept waiting for Eli to reveal that he had switched the names. And then it turned into the sweetest post I have read on this blog.

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  20. I could not stop laughing!!!!! Until I got to the end! Daniel is soooo SWEET!!!!!!!! AWEEE

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    1. I agree. It's Daniel who's sweet!

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  21. Spray and Wash. I don't even know what brand it is, Tide probably, but if you spray a loooooooot of Spray and Wash directly on the oil stains they'll out in the washing machine. That stuff will get red wine out of a white carpet (that you can pull up and put in the wash).

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  22. Please tell me you had a major hug session after that!

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  23. Sniffle sniffle. Is someone cutting onions in here? Twice up the barrel, once down the side.

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  24. Tear.... it's like you were writing about my marriage! Every once in a while I get SO FED UP with my husband over something silly, like his spending 3 hours editing a photo that ends up looking exactly like the original, or his weird obsession with prepping for the apocalypse. But then I realize, it's a picture of us he's editing because he likes it, and he keeps enough food for the two of us packed away for the apocalypse. And when I broke my leg, he spent weeks waiting on me, bringing me whatever I needed, doing all the laundry, making all the food, walking the dog, etc. I'm so lucky to have him. We'd be lost without each other. And I bet you will have a hard adjustment to life without Daniel!

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  25. Haha random comment but I wonder the same thing.. what's up with this laundry thing? I guess I'll just keep wondering.

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  26. Can I just say I love everything that is your blog. This post especially. You made me laugh, cry, and think that I could be the crazy roommate. You inspired me to start writing :) http://mylowercaselife.blogspot.com/

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  27. I happened upon your blog a few months ago and have really enjoyed your posts. I'm particularly in love with your sex talks with your young mens group. Hilarity. Anyway, I haven't tried this, but I found a post on Northern Belle Diaries about removing oil stains. http://northernbellediaries.com/2012/07/removing-set-in-oil-stains.html She used wd40, baking soda, dish soap, and a toothbrush.

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  28. Thank you for this post. It's really going to help when I'm helping to plan my sister's wedding!

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  29. I have read this about five times now. This is my FAVORITE thing you have ever posted on Stranger. It's so sweet and funny and it's making me appreciate someone right now that I've had too little patience with lately. Thank you!

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  30. I can see where that could be frustrating. But in the end it made me want to help wash his shorts! He seems like a really good friend.

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  31. This is the most heartwarming story on the Interwebz.

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