Kurt: Will you look at this thing behind my ear?
Eli: What do you think I am? Your doctor?
Kurt: Just look. It's freaking me out and I don't know what it is.
Eli: Ugh. Fine. But I don't do full physicals without advanced payment. I accept MasterCard, Visa, and attention. Also--
Kurt: It's right here. Can you see it?
Eli: Yes. It looks like a scratch.
Kurt: A scratch?
Eli: Maybe a very small scab.
Kurt: When did I get a scratch behind my ear?
Eli: It's your head. I'm not responsible for what happens on your head. I can't help you.
Kurt: This is exclusively my problem? I'm learning that you are very inconsistent about which of our problems are "shared" and which are not.
Eli: How dare you?! I'm very consistent.
Kurt: Take, for example, your laundry. It seems to me like that should be your problem, but--
Eli: I'm going to stop you right there. You know that I don't do laundry so this example is completely irrelevant.
Kurt: Uh.
Eli: Also, that isn't a shared problem. That one is also exclusively yours.
Kurt: Your laundry is exclusively my problem?
Eli: Let's not get bogged down in the details. But, yes.
Kurt: So, which of my problems are "shared" or belong to you exclusively?
Eli: I feed you, provide constant commentary, and offer non-intrusive physicals for an advanced fee.
Kurt: And I do laundry, listen to your constant commentary without complaining, and deal with your excessive hoarding problem?
Eli: Don't forget over-the-top compliments!
Kurt: I feel like I'm getting screwed in this whole deal.
Eli: One more complaint about it and I'll start playing in the mud. Laundry is about to become your worst nightmare.
Kurt: Hmm . . . oh my gosh. I just realized how I got this stupid scratch behind my ear!
Eli: Yeah?
Kurt: It was from when you woke me up at 6:00 in the morning by clawing at my face and meowing like a cat! Who are you?!
Eli: Oh yeah. Add that to my list of responsibilities. You're welcome, by the way.
~It Just Gets Stranger
I'm liking kurt more and more. By the way your hair is looking fabulous today!
ReplyDeleteI almost spit my coffee out when you said you'd start playing in the mud!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are there the guide Kurt through all of this. Seems like he needs it.
ReplyDeleteAnd Daniel? What about Daniel? All this talk about Kurt is probably making Daniel feel pretty un-loved.
ReplyDeleteHe would have to read Stranger for that to be possible.
DeleteI love Kurt. You may keep him. lol
ReplyDeleteI love Kurt. You may keep him. lol
ReplyDeleteI used to think that you were joking when you said that your roommates do your laundry, but now I'm beginning to believe you.
ReplyDeleteDon't believe everything you read on the Internet. :)
DeleteCan we do a q&a with Kurt? A VIDEO q&a? I sort of feel like he's not real.
ReplyDeleteQuestion #1: What is your experience with cats and cat ownership?
I'll believe it when you get Kurt on camera stating that he does your laundry.
ReplyDeleteI don't feel like Kurt is real either. He seems pretty one dimensional. My gut says he's a run of the mill roommate that you are portraying as something else in order to make Daniel's absence sting less for yourself and your strangers.
ReplyDeleteWow.....It's so nice to see that Eli has readers still in middle school apparently....
DeleteDon't get me wrong, we all miss Daniel (I mean he bathed you!) But I feel like Kurt will get some pretty great stories too....This is also because I think it's impossible not to when you get Eli himself(and laundry) as your roommate.
ReplyDeleteBronco's win 37-21 over Raiders!
ReplyDelete-Football Fan
Aw, Football Fan, I'm starting to feel sorry for you. :'(
DeleteI feel like you're the best worst roommate ever.
ReplyDelete