Axel

Remember last week when I was worried that I maybe had skin cancer? With my particular kind of skin (cough--FRECKLES--cough--hash tag, searchingforacure), skin cancer runs in the family and is, unfortunately, something that really concerns me. Bob had skin cancer a number of years ago. Fortunately it was caught early and he's ok now. But I don't want to join him in the "survivors" group.

Bob McCann: Navy vet + cancer survivor + once tackled an angry 18 year old kid in a doctor's office before the kid attacked a doctor - won't eat cheese x prank calls 1-800 numbers = father of the century.

When I saw a terrifying mark on my arm a few weeks ago, I was sure it was going to be skin cancer. Guys. I lived on the Equator for a year. OF COURSE it was going to be skin cancer. Even though I was really careful in Palau. I wore sunscreen. Plus I didn't go out into the sun that much because I was usually inside crying.


I started sending pictures of it to my friend and former co-worker, Shea.

She responded, "GET THAT CHECKED OUT!"

I replied, "WHY DO YOU THINK I'M SENDING YOU THIS PICTURE!?"

I even asked my NURSE roommate Kurt to look at it. But he just ran away from me and screamed something about "NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN YOU DISGUSTING FREAK!"

So I went to my doctors. Bob and Cathie.

After having the phone conversation about it with them, which I posted last week, I went to their house. Krishelle was there at the time. I rolled up my sleeve and as the three of them glanced across the room at it, they all immediately yelled in unison, "THAT'S RINGWORM!"

I jumped on top of the tallest space I could find in the room and started screaming something about "GET IT OFF OF ME! GET IT OFF OF ME!! I'VE NEVER EVEN TOUCHED A WRESTLING MAT!"

Krishelle confirmed that ringworm does not actually mean that I have a worm in me. And I was relieved. Because the last thing I need to worry about right now is whether or not Lohan and Axel (the name I gave the ringworm before finding out that it wasn't actually worm) were going to get along.

Because Bob and Cathie's house is basically a pharmacy (except for when it comes to the good stuff) Bob immediately retrieved some cream they "just happened to have in the house" that was especially for combating ringworm.

I started using this cream and it seemed to be helping with the original spot. But then I noticed that it was starting to spread around in that area a bit so yesterday I went to an actual doctor to get an actual diagnosis from someone who didn't give birth to me or force me to watch Stephen King movies. AND I WAS FIVE.

The doctor took one glace and confirmed.

Doctor: Oh gosh. That's ringworm.

Eli: HE HAS A NAME, YOU INSENSITIVE JERK!

Basically I just wrote all of that to let you know that if you see me this week, you should really avoid sticking your hands in my shirt. Especially if you have any open wounds. Sorry for the inconvenience.

~It Just Gets Stranger