Sunday, December 8, 2013

10 Ideas for Getting Your Friend to Stop Watching Glee

Quick announcement: We'll be at The Porch in Provo this Thursday at 8:30 PM for a fun Christmas-themed show. I'll get you more details tomorrow but wanted to let you know now since I just found out about it.

I already know this is going to be one of those posts that makes people angry. Remember when I offered to slap your children across their faces in the grocery store and ALL of the angry moms on the Internet hung me in effigy and tried to get the government to revoke my citizenship? I'm prepared for that again. And I'm ok with it. Because this is for a good cause.

The eradication of Glee.

I have been known from time to time to complain about the vile and horrid television program known IRONICALLY as "Glee." I hate this program with every fiber of my being. When previews for it flash across the TV I shake my fists into the air. And scream. And question all truth.

And then I go onto iTunes and download the latest Glee album and listen to it every day for the rest of my life.

I'm only human guys.You do the same thing with blood diamonds.


But I was thinking recently that I'm probably not doing my part to fulfill the divine calling we all have to see this program's demise. Obviously since I already don't watch it, the only thing I can do to hurt Glee's ratings is to try to convince others to stop supporting it. And I thought today that maybe I could go one step further and help you, oh enlightened Strangers who surely also don't watch Glee, to know how to persuade your friends to come back to reality.

So here they are:

Ten Ideas for Getting Your Friend to Stop Watching Glee

1. First, don't forget about the possibility that your friend might be in a vegetative state: A lot of people who watch Glee don't really realize what they are doing. Because they are in a coma or on life support or something in between and somebody just left the TV on the wrong channel. Check first and see if your friend is responsive. If you discover that your friend is on life support, pull the plug. Or just change the channel. Whichever you choose is fine. The point is that he shouldn't be watching Glee anymore. 

2. Use God to motivate him: If your friend is not in a vegetative state, try holding up a Bible close to his face, tilt your head toward him, and say in the most manipulative voice you can conjure, "God doesn't want you to watch Glee anymore. When you watch Glee, you make God angry. You don't want to make God angry, do you?"

3. Try to create a Pavlovian response: Every time your friend starts watching Glee, throw a bowling ball at his head.

4. Ruin the ending of the episode your friend is about to watch so he'll lose motivation to sit through it: Don't worry. You don't have to watch Glee yourself to be able to do this. Just say, "in this episode, all of the characters inexplicably change every single one of their character traits all throughout and at the end the actors portraying educators teach the kids that underage drinking and meaningless sex are good because they are all about self expression." This is the plot of every single episode. 

5. Tell your friends that you heard that 90% of people who watch Glee get leprosy: If your friend watches Glee, there's a good chance he'll believe something like this.

6. Burn down your friend's house while he is inside it.

7. Tell your friend they have started airing Glee at a different time and then find out when Phineas and Ferb is on and tell them Glee is now on at that time on the Disney Channel. And tell them Glee is now animated. And that the writing has gotten better.

8. Blackmail your friend: Tell your friend that you murdered some campers in the woods this summer while wearing his clothes and that you're not afraid to write an anonymous tip to the authorities about it. Also, if this works try to get cheesecake out of him, too. Because that's a pretty intense blackmail and you could probably ride that one for a while. But first and foremost, get him to stop watching Glee. 

9. Show him an animal abuse commercial featuring Sarah Mclachlan and tell him that every minute he spends watching Glee and not adopting all of the sick animals is another minute that we have to listen to Sarah Mclachlan sing about them.

10. If none of the first nine suggestions worked, maybe try watching the show. Because it must be pretty damn good if the bowling ball to the head didn't talk your friend out of it.

~It Just Gets Stranger

31 comments:

  1. I can't help that I'm a sucker for any musical. Good or bad. Something about singing and dancing instead of taking just gets me. Life would be better in musical form. I'm thinking your life would be somewhat like the musical Cats.

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    1. Cats in Snuggies... I might watch that...

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    2. I would imagine it to look like this: http://www.catsparella.com/2011/12/cats-wearing-snuggies.html

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    3. And everyone meowing all the popular songs, of course they will sound way better than the glee kids.

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  2. Bravo! I watched the first season, but as a Utah sex education teacher, I had to stop when the show was fighting against what I stood for. So yeah, I hate it too.

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    1. got called to YW presidency...girls and i would discuss...pretty soon, couldn't discuss it anymore. so. bad. i understand. same with most shows on tv, but this one preys on hs girls. couldn't take it!

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  3. I am happy to report that I have never watched a single episode of Glee. As a matter of fact I don't even know the day of week it airs, the channel it airs on, or the time it airs.....nor do I care to even find out. I have no intentions of ever watching the show either. I feel quite proud of myself for this.

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  4. I really try not to watch it because it's a horrible show. It's like the car accident you can't help but stare at as you drive past. And then they start singing. Horrible, campy covers that you fall in love with and play them over and over again. But every once in a while there's an episode that pulls at your heartstrings and that's why you keep going back.

    Phineas and Ferb, on the other hand, is one of the best shows ever created.

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  5. I guess I'm just a little unsure as to why all of these ideas are targeted towards a "him."
    I'm honestly pretty concerned about some of my girl friends who watch it.

    But, all in all, I seriously appreciate these tips. I'm going to go through each and every one of them with my friends if I have to. I really care about them and it seems like the friend thing to do.

    Thank you immensely.

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  6. Next Season of Glee is the last....http://variety.com/2013/tv/news/ryan-murphy-glee-will-end-after-next-season-1200734097/

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  7. I watched for the first 1.5 - 2 seasons and then had to quit because of Lea Michelle. I mostly only liked the GAY characters! The rest were too whiny. I also watched Smash, for the music, but I was glad when it got canceled, because I just didn't care about the storylines. Same with Glee. Great music, stupid petty stories. Altho the Britney episode (S.1?) was EPIC!

    Is Lea Michelle still on? If that little brat has finally graduated and is following her Broadway dreams, then I might start watching again. Throw those bowling balls! I'm pretty good at dodgeball. ;) But seriously, if LM is still there, I won't even bother. I intensely dislike her as a person, and I won't support her career.

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  8. I watched the first season and then was over it, although I was genuinely saddened to learn about the death of the actor playing Finn. But really, I only watch American Horror Story and the Cartoon Network. What that says about me, I don't know...that I am a sociopath? Maybe, but a NICE sociopath.

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  9. the madness is nearly over!! it ends after next season... :) ahhhhhh, peace.

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  10. I also have never watched a full episode... I've caught pieces, but it never hold me for long. Which is rare, bc I have this sickness where I ALWAYS have to know what happens at the end of the show.

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  11. Slapin babies, ending Glee. All in a days work kids

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  12. I have never and will never watch an episode of glee, but my roommate forced me to watch a youtube clip of them singing baby got back, and it was one of the most painful experiences of my life

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  13. Several people I know swear that Glee is the best show ever. I have tried to like it, but I just can't. Worst show ever. Glad it's ending.

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  14. You fail to mention that the writer of Glee also writes American Horror Story and has a sick and demented mind. How both shows can come from the same man is incredible.

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    1. Think about it. Glee is just another American Horror Story. At least, it frightens the heck out of me that a crap show like that can be popular.

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  15. Why must you tell us about the porch after we already have tickets to another show?!?!

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  16. Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog.

    Best muscial.

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  17. This has definitely convinced me to continue to not watch Glee ever.

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  18. I watched the first season and really don't understand what people see in it. I thought it was so dumb. Excited to learn that it is ending soon!

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  19. I appreciate the suggestions. This list was much needed by society.

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  20. This is what I've been waiting for my whole life. Thank you from the bottom of my Glee-hating heart.

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  21. It's late at night and I am laughing hard. That's not good for an old (44) man. I might not be able to go to sleep. This is funny and I hate that show too. If I'm tired tomorrow it's your fault.

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  22. Top 10 Reasons to Watch Glee:

    1. Because ultimately the show is about odd ducks getting their moment in the sun, and isn't that what we all want.
    2. It pisses of Eli.
    3. Glee avoids the typical 90210 teenage drama by showing a variety of kids of race, color and orientation.
    4. Eli gets ringworm when you watch Glee.
    5. Glee helps a younger generation appreciate a whole series of songs from the 1980's, arguably the best era of music EVER!
    6. Eli goes on a kitten killing spree when you watch Glee.
    7, Glee shows an idealistic version of high school, that while not realistic, gives us something to aspire to.
    8. Eli's foot infection gets worse when you watch Glee.
    9. Glee helps kids to identify with others and see that things do get better. That the bullies don't win and that the gay/lesbian/asian/etc. kid does well in life.
    10. Ultimately Eli was crushed when he heard there was only one more year of Glee and this post is his sick and twisted cry for help to get it renewed for at least 10 more years.

    You're Welcome!

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    1. First...kittens are awesome...why would we want Eli to kill kittens? Second, although it has lots of 80's music, they butcher the songs by singing them like showtunes and it makes my beloved songs sound like pure evil. And evil must be killed...killed with fire.

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    2. You lost me with #5. Now everything you say is patoody.

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  23. You should watch the episodes of Community that make fun of Glee. Community hates Glee too.

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