Thursday, January 2, 2014

January is Happening. AGAIN.

Last year I was the guy who informed you that the magic of the season had come to a screaming halt on January 2. Some of you still blame me for the close of the holidays. Like I'm the one who made them end and not just the bearer of bad news. I find this mostly unfair, but I've blamed the last 30 winters in Utah on Bob and Cathie so who am I to judge your grudge?

And in true tradition, I suppose I should be the one to call the horror of our collective situation to your collective attention on this January 2.

THE VACATION IS OVER!

The two months of magic have concluded and you know what's left? Overstimulated children on a sugar crash and cranky adults who are wondering why anyone ever thought it was a good idea to place 64 over-the-top holidays in a row starting in November, only to be followed by such letdowns as MLK Day, and Presidents' Day, and VALEN-FREAKING-TINE'S DAY.

No offense to MLK and all of the presidents, but they don't give us eleventy days off of work and school, nor do they come with sugar cookies.

WHY DOESN'T EVERY HOLIDAY COME WITH SUGAR COOKIES?!

Now you're back at the office or wherever it is that your life is supposed to happen during the normal course of the rest of the calendar year. And you're realizing, just like you have for the last twenty or thirty or fifty January 2nds that your long list of tasks didn't celebrate the holidays nearly as carelessly as you did.

And those tasks are now PISSED. And wondering how you could have just forgotten about them like that.

Your gym is going to be jam packed full of people for the next month. Because someone convinced us all that we should attempt the impossible in unison every January so we can all be disappointed at the same time at the end of January rather than stagger the shame in our lack of self-control throughout the course of the year. This is called "resolutions."

And maybe you're one of those people who will only attend the gym for the first three weeks of January. Or maybe you're one of the regular gym attenders who is annoyed that the masses who make it possible for everyone's gym fees to remain so low have decided to cash in on a membership for 21 days that they'll pay for for 365. Either way, January is an annoying month for you.

Because you're exercising.

The snowfall and cold is no longer "charming" and "cozy." It's drying out your skin and you have to drive in it.

School zones are returning with a fierce vengeance.

Your tacky Christmas decorations have turned your house into an episode of Hoarders. But not. Because nobody is going to show up and take it all away for you while talking to you about your feelings.

This one's on you. You and me. We have to deal with the mess that is our life on our own. The people from Hoarders won't help us.

Happy New Year.

Twice up the barrel, once down the side.

~It Just Gets Stranger

26 comments:

  1. Sugar cookies do come with every holiday around my house. Heck, I am usually making them once or twice a month anyway. It's too bad I don't know you personally, I would send you some.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's too bad you don't know all of us personally, then. :)

      Delete
    2. We should totally be friends so I can freeload sugar cookies off you whenever I need some.

      ~ Country Girl's Daybook

      Delete
    3. Party at Melissa's house? Every day?

      Delete
    4. Melissa, it sounds like we need your address. People you don't know are planning a party at your house.

      Delete
    5. I'll bring the bacon!

      Delete
    6. Melissa, I also make sugar cookies regularly. Why just holidays eh?! Keep on keepin on girl.

      Delete
  2. This post says it all. Thank you for putting into words what I have been feeling.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This post is happy and sad at the same time.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm one of the people who goes to the gym for three weeks in January. Everyone seems really annoyed about this and I always want to be like, "You're welcome for paying my fees to the gym and then not taking up space for 11/12 of the year!"

    ReplyDelete
  5. I kind of allow the holidays to last as long as I want. I mean, sure, I don't have days off, but I really only had a couple off anyway. And I still haven't watched It's A Wonderful Life yet, so that's going to happen sometime within the next week.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ditto! I still have the Home Alone movies, Miracle on 34th Street, and the Polar Express to watch :-P

      Delete
  6. This post is communicating the thoughts of my soul. January 2nd is the worst day of the year.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I LOVE January 2nd! I intensely dislike the period between Thanksgiving and New Years, so I take a huge breath of relief when it's all over for 11...whole...more....MONTHS!! YAY! Seriously though, why can't we just have two thanksgivings and go straight to New Years? I always feel inadequate at gift-giving. Never seem to gift equally with friends and loved ones. I always either feel like I overbought, and in so, overestimated the relationship or I feel like a Jerk cuz I was just like "hey, here's a candle! Merry Christmas?" And the best thing of all?? The days are getting longer, which means spring and summer are coming and we can put behind us the soul crushing cold of winter! So cheer up, only 357 shopping days til Christmas.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I complain about January 2nd every year, but Heather's comment probably most accurately captures my feelings.

      Delete
    2. I love this comment. Completely how I feel EVERY SINGLE YEAR.

      Delete
    3. I am always the one who over/under gifts.

      Delete
    4. I enjoy my Christmas decorations so much more AFTER the 25th of December. They stop representing all of the gifts I still need to buy and treats I need to make/consume. So I leave them up for a week (or three) longer than I should. Holly Jolly January hoarder house.

      Delete
    5. This is really late to add, but I want to say, THERE IS NO BETTER GIFT THAN A CANDLE. So, never worry about that.

      Delete
  8. I realized a few years ago that the best way to avoid being irritated by other people at the gym was to not go to the gym. I bought a treadmill and some free weights, and, hey, we were only using half the garage, anyway. My husband had a motorcycle for awhile, until he was hit by a postal truck. Now, he refuses to ever get on another motorcycle ever again and we just share a car.

    (What makes sharing a car possible is that I am a stay-at-home-mom who homeschools. Which is extremely cool, because I get to decide when vacation ends, and my kids aren't exactly screaming to start school again. They may start screaming on Monday, which is when I've decided school will start back up.)

    I must be extremely different than most people. Christmas isn't usually stressful, because there's not that much for me to do, honestly. I either buy my gifts throughout the year, if I can, or if I'm making something, I can work on it slowly over a period of months. And, hey, with the interwebz, I don't have to actually ever leave my home to go shopping. (Target ships for free if you have a RedCard!)

    ReplyDelete
  9. I live in New Orleans, and come "Twelfth Night" (January 6), we start Carnival Season, my favorite season of the year! ... I just realized that my favorite holidays (Mardi Gras and Thanksgiving) involve a lot of food... Oh well! The good times will be rolling verrrrry soon!
    I'm with the rest of you, though... Christmas is just weird now. Too much retail pressure. Can't we all just eat sugar cookies and call it a day?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I spent a summer in New Orleans, but it wasn't til last Twelfth Night that some of Carnival Season leaked out into San Antonio and I had my first semi-magical, totally anti-climactic King Cake. I loved the bakery's King Cake, but I didn't realize I was the one responsible for hiding the little baby in the plastic bag IN the cake. We had a huge party with my friends and no one got the baby and we were so confused til someone was cleaning up and said, "Hey, what's this baby doing". :-P

      Most bakery's in Utah don't make King Cakes and this makes me very sad.

      Delete
  10. Another depressing thing that happens in January is that every charity starts running the commercials that really make you feel like a horrible human being...

    ReplyDelete
  11. My normal January blahs are made SO MUCH WORSE by the northern Utah inversion. Ugh. We drove up to the U today; it was like swimming through the smog, and I wished I could hold my breath for the whole drive. It's seeping into our Tooele valley, too, but it's much worse in SLC. In a few days it will snow again, and when it finishes, I plan to take a nice long walk in the sunshine and look at the blue sky for a while. Until my toes freeze. So that nice long walk will probably be like 5 minutes, but still...

    Hang in there, Eli!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. My January 2 was amazing. Los Angeles weather was AMAZING yet again, I picked up an extra shift at work (dolla dolla bills, y'all!), and spent the afternoon making new friends at the trapeze rig. I look forward to many more January 2s!

    ReplyDelete