Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Rebecca's Allergies

Just now my living-in-sin roommate, Rebecca, and I were sitting in the apartment working.

Rebecca: I'm allergic to something.

Eli: Ok . . . do you want to talk about it?

Rebecca: What is this couch made of?

Eli: You think you might be allergic to my couch?

Rebecca: Don't look at me like that. Allergies are a real thing.

Eli: Oh. Right. Like your wheat "allergy?"

Rebecca: For the last time, THAT IS A REAL THING!

Eli: If you mean it's a real thing like color blindness is a real thing, then yes. I agree with you.

Rebecca: Color blindness is a real thing.

Eli: Look. It's ok. Everybody believes in different things. Some people believe in God. Other people believe in things like wheat allergies and vampires.

Rebecca: Wheat allergies and vampires are not even close to being in the same category!

Eli: Anyway, I looked up your so-called disease and I didn't find any information on it that was consistent with all of the garbage you told me about it.

Rebecca: What disease did you look up?

Eli: Sickle Cell Anemia.

Rebecca: That's not my disease. I have Celiac Disease.

Eli: That's the exact same thing.

Rebecca: Not even remotely the same thing. Eli. For the last time, I cannot eat wheat. This is real.

Eli: I know for a fact that you can eat wheat because every time you buy new food from the store, I sprinkle wheat into it when you aren't looking and you haven't died yet.

Rebecca: I don't think you know what wheat is.

Eli: Me? Not know what wheat is? Maybe you haven't met my Mormon pioneer parents, Bob and Cathie, who used to grind their own wheat when I was a child.

Rebecca: I just googled "I think I'm allergic to my roommate" and the Internet says that I might be allergic to something that you use on your skin or maybe your cells. Can we please line up all of the personal hygiene products you use so I can test them?

Eli: Sure. [Eli turns on the water faucet]. Rebecca, meet the exhaustive list of Eli's personal hygiene products. Personal hygiene products, meet Rebecca.

Rebecca: Are you telling me you don't use soap?

Eli: [Eli points at the dish soap next to the sink] What do you call this?

Rebecca: That's for dishes. I'm wondering if you use soap for your body.

Eli: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! They don't make soap for your body, Rebecca.

Rebecca: Dating must be a really serious challenge for you.

Eli: Do you want to split this muffin? I only want half.

Rebecca: I feel like you aren't taking my problems seriously.

Eli: I can't imagine why.

Rebecca: I'm going to go sniff all of your things. Thanks for your help.

~It Just Gets Stranger


  1. But... is she doing your laundry yet? It could be the laundry soap... you're going to need to buy the allergen-free kind of laundry soap (or steal some of hers). You do have laundry soap?

  2. This is why I have a dog and not a roommate. (I'm not saying which roommate inspired my comment)

  3. Of course you don't believe in Celiac Disease. Somehow this is not a surprise to me at all.

  4. Rebecca is allergic to living in sin obvi... such a sinner. You should cut off all her hair while she's asleep tonight, otherwise she'll never realize there are consequences to her poor choices.

  5. With all your illnesses Eli are you sure YOU don't have Celiac Disease or Sickle Cell Anemia?

  6. The sickle cell anemia line almost made me spew my drink.

  7. Does she know she's supposed to do your laundry? Because, if not, she probably doesn't want to sniff ALL of your things.

  8. Hah! Note to self: never agree to live in sin with Eli if you have seasonal allergies and celiac (check, and check)
    Rebecca, if you read this, you have my sympathy....