Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Broome Bungalow

Recently Matt bought a new house. And when I say "new," I mean "super old and disgusting."

I swear to you he was purposefully looking for the grossest house available. He didn't want anything remotely updated. I saw him scoff at one that had a newly remodeled kitchen.

In Matt's confusing mind, he can't understand why he would spend money on someone else's remodel. Even if the place had been recently renovated, he would tear it apart and make it his own anyway. And so, he set off to buy the most disgusting house in all the land, because the price would be right, and that way he could gut the whole thing and turn it into exactly what he wanted.

Accordingly, as soon as he found a terrifying house with a floor plan he could "work with," he offered 14 cents for it and signed the papers a few weeks later.

I can tell that you don't believe me about this house. But please be advised that one entire room in the basement was filled with the world's creepiest dolls.

Also, there was this room:

This is the difference between Matt and Eli: I see a house like this and all I can think is "where is a torch and can this be destroyed?" But you can't hear me say those things because Matt is screaming over my voice "SO MUCH POTENTIAL!" Except he's saying it in a southern accent so strong that that last word actually has 27 syllables.

The day Matt got the keys to the place he started tearing it apart. He pulled up rotting carpet and began scraping literally FIVE layers of wallpaper off of the walls. Before too long, it started to look like a crack den.

Adam pulls up part of the flooring.

Megan models in front of layer number three of wallpaper.
Every time Matt would send me one of these pictures, or every time I went to the house and saw the increasingly-alarming state of "crack den," the screaming in my head became louder. And so did Matt's yelling of the word "POTENTIAIAIAIAIAL!!!"

I should just trust that he knows what he's doing. Matt bought a condo a couple of years ago from a cat lady who evidently LOVED the color of Pepto-Bismol, and he slowly but surely turned it into a masterpiece that he literally sold for over asking price within two hours of listing it. TO A GAY COUPLE.


The man has a talent for seeing "potential." And I envy him for it.

But it didn't start to hit me until this weekend just how awesome this house will probably end up being once he's done with it.

Matt, Adam, and I spent a good amount of time at the place, cleaning it out, sanding down floors, and removing wallpaper. Matt and I worked in the kitchen for several hours on Saturday morning and turned this:

Into this:

We also destroyed the world's ugliest bathroom. And Adam provided photographic proof that I performed manual labor.

Matt and Eli engage in dangerous activities.

Also, we're pretty sure everything in the entire house is made out of 100% asbestos. So we looked like this most of the time:

And the puppies had to stay in the backyard. They never moved from this spot for two full days:

Matt created an Instagram account called broomebungalow, which you should go follow if you want to see the progress. I have no doubt we will proudly wipe a tear and claim that we "never doubted him" when all is said and done.

~It Just Gets Stranger


  1. I am so excited! I live in Midvale and I'm going to find this house and stalk it every day. Or maybe just do the Instagram thing because Netflix and lazy.

  2. I finally got an account on the Instagrams just so I can follow the progress. Loving Matt's comments and feeling very close to y'all right now! (Long time hearer, first time "y'all" sayer)
    But not as close as Julie. So Julie, you must up your stalking game to cover my share as well.

  3. I am impressed by how outrageously awful that house is.

    But I'm even more impressed by how many various friends Matt has to help him. Matt (and you) must be great friends to have so many great friends. Not anyone would risk asbestos (or wear those masks)!

  4. The Creepy Doll Room and the Ceramic Menagerie are truly horrifying and will haunt my nightmares for days to come... So... Thanks for that... ;p

  5. But seriously.
    Did you actually *swing* the sledgehammer or simply pose? As your hair look fantabulous in every photo, I question the veracity of this evidence.

    1. Oh I did that manual labor. And I complained so loudly about it that you could see it from space.

  6. That room with all of the animals is perfection.

    1. This. Please tell me that the cats came with the house.

  7. I am so excited for this! You must keep us updated on the progress! I want to get the Instagram story and then the dramatic Eli story to compare.

  8. Matt is my hero. I think it's amazing when people have the guts to take on projects like this. Add me to the list of people who can't wait to see the progress!

  9. Been here and done this! It IS a ton of work (and much sweat here in Alabama) but totally worth it when the house is done. Profuse sweat= cash! Matt is one smart cookie. BTW, Eli your hair is fabulous!

  10. I don't want somebody's old and disgusting house to make my own; I don't want someone else's remodel, either. I want Brand Spanking New.

    I'm never going to have Brand Spanking New in Los Angeles. Unless I win the Lottery, not happenin'. :(

  11. I seriously want some of those ceramic figures! Spray paint them fun colors and they would make such cute decor!

  12. Um, no one wants to know how Eli knows what a crack den looks like? Do they actually call them crack dens?

  13. Just read that John Stamos is currently filming the second season of Fuller House. Have mercy!

  14. You see, this is why I will never own a house. I am way too lazy for all that work stuff.

  15. Eli, you crack me up

  16. Next time Matt comes to Mississippi, I'm stealing him and making him fix my house.

  17. I am pretty sure that you want purple cartridges in your mask when there is asbestos! Please check... safety first. Though I am in Canada so maybe the colour scheme is different.