Tuesday, November 1, 2016

A Special TV Surprise

It was Survivor night, so the usual crew gathered in my home. I flipped on the TV. There we were, minding our own business, like good Christians/Jews/Muslims/Americans/muggles/beliebers, when suddenly,

Anna: IS THAT MATT BROOME!!!!???!?

Eli: No. Matt Broome would tell us if he was on TV. Surely he wouldn't keep something like this a secret.

We rewound the commercial because these are the days of miracle and wonder and you can do that now. We watched it eleventy hundred times. And we had a major debate. Well, not so much of a debate. More of a "everyone telling Eli he's wrong."

Adam: That's Matt!

Eli: No.

Anna: Yes it is!

Eli: No.

Emily: That is clearly Matt!

Eli: LIARS!

Ash: ARE YOU BLIND! THAT'S HIM!

Eli: STOP PRESSURING ME I HAVE ANXIETY ISSUES AND PEOPLE ON STRANGER THINK I NEED MORE THERAPY!

Admittedly, I have facial blindness. I always thought this was something I made up but then This American Life did an episode about it one day and so I found out that it's a real thing and I have it and no, Brianne, this is not just another web M.D. thing where I think I have everything that gets discussed on the Internet.

So then I decided to text Matt a picture, because he wasn't at Survivor night last week because I guess he doesn't even care about America.


It was from a commercial for a political campaign. And, no, I won't tell you which one because I cannot STAND this particular politician and he will not get free advertising on Stranger.

The scene in which the above person is pictured lasted about 8 seconds and it featured the actor talking on the phone while a voice-over made some vague conspiracy-sounding theories about national security or The New Deal or Oprah or something.

Since Matt didn't respond within 4 seconds like I demand from him, I called him on speaker phone.

Eli: MATT! IS THAT YOU?!?

Matt: Where did you see this?

He said it like we uncovered pornographic images from his youth. NOT THAT WE KNOW WHAT PORNOGRAPHY IS.

Eli: It's on a campaign commercial for [Oprah Winfrey]!

Matt: I NEVER GOT PAID FOR THAT CRAP!

Matt explained that he shot some stock footage earlier this year for some videographer after they asked him, probably because his eyes are literally always smizing and he is basically an intergalactic male model. Then he complained about not getting paid for the job in such a strong southern accent that Gone With The Wind just won an honorary Academy Award. Then he hung up on us.

We were all surprised that Matt didn't seem at all interested or excited about the fact that his friends just saw him on TV or that his image was being used to support some political candidate about whom Matt probably knows very little. He only cared about the money.

He's a true artist.

I thought maybe this wasn't exciting to him because he realized that probably nobody else would even notice his rise to fame. But then on Sunday:

Bob: Did Matt film a commercial for [Oprah Winfrey]?

Cathie: Yes! I also saw him on a commercial!

Krishelle: Me too! He was talking on the phone!

Eli: Yes. And don't bother asking him about it because he doesn't even care.

Cathie: I hope he doesn't start taking all his clothes off. That's what they do in Hollywood these days, you know.

Thanks for that, Cathie.

~It Just Gets Stranger

25 comments:

  1. I wish Oprah was running for office somewhere!

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  2. I kind of hope he takes his clothes off.

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  3. Oh my gosh, I saw that commercial and immediately thought it was Matt!!! But then dismissed it because, you know, really???

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    1. Can you tell us who the commercial was for? Maybe in pig Latin or something so as to respect Eli's distaste and not advertise? I was planning to copy all of Eli's voting preferences but until this I was going purely on assumptions.

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    2. I have face blindness too! So does my brother and my dad, we've got some pretty good stories about not recognizing people we should, because we're seeing them out of their normal context. One time my dad didn't recognize his brother until they'd been talking a while!

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    3. It's gotta be for Evan McMullin. Who else would run ads in Utah a week before the election?

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    4. Not a presidential campaign. Although this person probably doesn't need to be running ads in Utah right now either. This is starting to feel like a riddle!

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    5. Gasp! Jason Chaffetz?!?! The rat king himself? Was Matt on the phone complaining about immigrants?

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    6. Mike Lee? 538 gives him a 99.8% chance of winning re-election in Utah so ads may not be necessary. But Chuck Schumer (who has over a 99.9% chance of winning) is running re-election ads in New York, so nothing is unheard of.

      I respect you not wanting to give space to a candidate you disagree with, but I may keep guessing :)

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    7. Well now I can't decide if I'm obligated to confirm or deny all of your guesses!

      (Btw, the rat king comment made me laugh out loud).

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    8. I also saw him in the commercial and now I can't remember who it was for!

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  4. I always rejoice when you subtly reference Paul Simon in your posts...

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    1. I missed it! Going back to read . . .

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    2. What was the Paul Simon reference? I missed it too. I'm usually good at finding these things.

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    3. "...these are the days of miracle and wonder..." is from Paul Simon's
      song "The Boy in the Bubble" :)

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  5. The real question is, if you have a TV capable of rewinding and fast-forwarding, why were you watching commercials?

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    1. I see we have a detective on our hands! Well, we don't normally watch commercials. But I had just turned the TV on and that's what was playing in that exact moment. It was fate.

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  6. Replies
    1. Especially if it's the politician in Utah who doesn't need to run ads, I would first think of, who has wasted millions in frivolous lawsuits.

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    2. To be clear, he was complaining about not getting paid by the videographer, not the politician.

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    3. Did he sign a release for them to use the footage? Where there any caveats in the contract, such as what the footage could and could not be used for? Was he SUPPOSED to be paid for the footage? If so then he should sue the videographer.

      Eli - You're a lawyer - aren't you supposed to be advising him on this stuff???

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  7. Face blindness! I, too, suffer from this ailment. We should have a support group.

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  8. Your mom and I just saw a commercial on TV with Jolyn in it. Think it was a political add talking about education

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  9. I *just* watched an old rerun of 20/20 last night about face blindness. What are the odds that I read this the next day?!

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