Please check out today's Strangerville, which includes one of my favorite stories we have ever produced. More info at the bottom of this post.
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Matt had a party yesterday because his town had its summer festival and they were shooting off fireworks at the park just behind his house. He throws this party every summer because his backyard is a perfect vantage point for fireworks viewing.
Matt decided to prepare a taco bar for the 20 or so guests that would be coming to the party.
Now, I wasn't born in a barn. Bob and Cathie taught me Jesus's's way, which is that one should never go to any party empty-handed. So I called Matt yesterday morning and asked him what he thought I should bring.
Matt told me that he had already bought so much meat that he is for sure going to hell now and so he suggested that we bring "a sweet snack."
I want everyone to close their eyes for a second and imagine that your friend who has invited you to a small party where normal food will be eaten has asked if you could bring "a sweet snack." Put yourself in the position of Eli Whittlemouse McCann. And I want you to imagine what it is that you would probably bring in this situation.
Some of you would make cookies. Some of you would buy cookies. All of you would do something very normal. Like cookies.
Look. I should have known better. I've been burned by him before. I should have known not to send Skylar into the store to get "a sweet snack" for the party. He has a history of making really strange choices in these situations. Remember that time we were going to a pumpkin carving party and he was supposed to buy two pumpkins and he bought one the size of a house and one of those flat white ones?
But one of us needed to stay in the car with Duncan while the other ran into the store, and I was driving, so it just seemed easier to send him. And it seemed so obvious that "a sweet snack" meant something very normal. Like cookies.
So when he came out of the store and climbed into the car, I didn't even think to ask him what he got. I just assumed that he was a normal human being with normal human being decision-making skills, despite all evidence to the contrary.
We finally got to Matt's house and that's when I finally decided to ask him what he got.
Remember how earlier in this post I asked you to think about how you would interpret the scripture of Matt? Recall what you decided "a sweet treat" means.
Now compare it to the two large bags of cotton candy and what looked like a birthday cake Skylar pulled out of a Smith's grocery store sack.
Several things:
1. I didn't even know you could buy cotton candy at the grocery store.
2. What the hell aisle is that even on?
3. This was an adult party. With adults. All attendees were over the age of 27 and most were in their late 30s.
4. Has any adult ever wanted to eat cotton candy?
5. How do you even share a bag of cotton candy at a party?
6. This was a grocery store where there were many sweet treat options available: LIKE COOKIES.
7. Despite all of those options, Skylar chose cotton candy.
8. TWO bags of cotton candy.
9. WE HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN TO THE BIRTHDAY CAKE YET.
10. It was no one's birthday.
11. WHAT WAS WRONG WITH COOKIES.
Skylar was asked by nearly every single person at the party, mostly politely, what prompted the choices he made. He never was able to give an adequate answer.
The cotton candy and the cake went completely untouched all night.
Skylar is a very weird person who does very weird things that drive me insane.
It's probably the thing I love most about him.
P.S. Skylar just read this post and objected to my accusation that he never came up with a good explanation for his choices. So I asked him to give me one and he said "well, I thought Matt's party was Mexican-food themed and when I saw cotton candy I thought 'fiesta!'"
P.S. Skylar just read this post and objected to my accusation that he never came up with a good explanation for his choices. So I asked him to give me one and he said "well, I thought Matt's party was Mexican-food themed and when I saw cotton candy I thought 'fiesta!'"
This time in Strangerville, a two-time refugee gets a surprise many decades after fleeing East Germany.
Story
Escape, by Eva-Maria Bates
Music: Adventure, Darling by Gillicuddy
From: The Free Music Archive
Produced by Eli McCann and Meg Walter
~It Just Gets Stranger
1. Skylar is clearly insane.
ReplyDelete2. Thank God you found him.
My kids' dentist office had a carnival yesterday. They had a mountain constructed of tubs of cotton candy. "Take one!" the hygienist guarding the table said. So each of my 3 obedient children did just that. Their hands started getting full with prizes and food and such, so my son offered to take their loot to the car. At a few different times, he ran to the car to help his sisters unload their goodies so they could collect more. When we got home, while unloading the car I counted 3...6... 12 tubs of cotton candy. 12. TWELVE. Apparently every time my kids walked past the mountain of tubs, the hygienist noted their lack of cotton candy and said "take one!" to each child, and they gladly obeyed. So. Want some more cotton candy?
ReplyDeleteWait! The DENTIST's office was giving out cotton candy? Why? Job security?????
DeleteWow! That's some impressive goody gathering.
DeleteThis post made me laugh my face off. Thank you, Skylar, and just remember that it's not your fault you're a GENIUS who just happens to read a situation completely differently from everyone else.
ReplyDeleteThose sound like sweet treats *shrugs*, guess I'm not allowed to go to the grocery store any more. So you say this cotton candy went untouched? Where is the cotton candy now? Can I have some? And who doesn't eat cake? Oh god, this is why I'm overweight.
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly what ran through my head as I was reading this, to the letter.
DeleteTruth. Those were some very self-disciplined party goers to avoid both tasty of those tasty options.
DeleteI went to a small dinner party last night where there was literally 5 desserts, 1 salad with no dressing, pulled pork and rolls. FIVE DESSERTS! For like 10 people. And everyone brought enough of their dessert as if it would be the only dessert, so they were large ones. So naturally, being the people pleaser that I am, I felt obligated to try each dessert. Too much sugar! Next time I'm bringing a bag of chips and calling it good.
Normally I'm more likely to go for the salty snack options, but I got all salt snacked out a couple years ago. I was hosting a party at my cabin and I was providing drinks and stuff so people could cook hot dogs over the fire and just asked people to bring "a side". Literally every single guest brought chips, some brought more than one bag. It was ridiculous and it has come to be known as Chipocolypse, it's the reason why everyone in my friend circle now asks people to tell them what they are bringing to parties ahead of time so we don't repeat that disaster.
DeleteAsking what people are bringing still doesn't prevent all food related problems at parties. At the last party I had someone brought a bag of rolls that went untouched. The next morning when I looked at it I found out why, they were all moldy. Who brings moldy bread to a party?!? For the most part I've started telling people NOT to bring anything because there is always WAY too much food and then they don't take their food with them and I'm left with a mountain of junk food that I can't/shouldn't eat by myself. First world problems.
Guarantee I would have been that person at the party who would have sampled both the cotton candy AND the cake. All because I have, since I was a little child, had this weird inner voice that worries that an item's feelings will be hurt if it doesn't get used/chosen/eaten. This led me to coloring with crayons whose colors I did not like, choosing candy I did not want, wearing clothes I hated, playing with toys I didn't want, etc., because I worried about the "feelings" of these items. I have mostly grown out of this now, but the quiet inner voice and sentiment lingers surprisingly more than you might think. When presented with a choice in a group, I almost always wait until last so that I can pick the one that no one else picked, as opposed to choosing the one that I actually want. I probably need therapy for this.
DeleteAmy rose I have the little brother of this problem. If the thing has a face I automatically think its alive. Whether its stuffed animals or a sour patch kid...I always feel like it has a soul somewhere. I used to position my stuffed animals so they could breathe in my bed, and would occasionally "feed" them (shove food in their mouth hole for a few seconds so they could discretely eat and not be discovered). And I still eat Swedish fish and animal crackers head first to put them out of their misery. I am still slightly distrustful of people that go after the limbs first. So you are not alone in this.
DeleteSo what's the 20 on this alleged birthday cake? I'm hungry.
DeleteMandi, we should hang out.
DeleteYes girl, we can over-worry about inanimate objects together.
DeleteI love this! And I love that Skylar was able to come up with his reasoning. Who wouldn't think "Fiesta!" when looking at cotton candy????
ReplyDeleteAt my favorite "fancier" restaurant, they give you cotton candy in a martini glass with a candle in it for everyone's birthday. My girls (12 and 14) are always fighting over who's going to get the remainder after I eat my one bite.
Listened to Strangerville this morning; this was one of your best.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteI hope Skylar has plans to SERIOUSLY consider pediatrics in med school. He'd fit right in around here. I have lunch everyday with people who eat either grilled cheese sandwiches or macaroni and cheese because the other cafeteria food is "icky" (intermountain's Live Well to force us to eat healthy). It's like I'm with preschoolers when they order a hamburger "but NO veggies, Meat, cheese, bun, that's it!"
Dear God, now all I want to do is be more like Skylar. I want to look for the most random things to bring places and buy those. What have you done to me?!
ReplyDeleteI am a 48 year old woman and I can’t even begin to describe to you my LOVE for cotton candy! Love love love it!!
ReplyDeleteMy friend rented a cotton candy making machine for her birthday party a few years ago. I want to say her 29th? 30th? But to be fair, rolling up your own cone-thingy of cotton candy is different than trying to share a bag with other party-goers. That would be kinda awkward.
ReplyDeleteThat was really the much bigger deal to me. I think it's true that 99% of adults have little to no interest in cotton candy. But even if all loved it, two bags of it is not exactly an easy shareable party item.
DeleteAlso, BIRTHDAY CAKE.
I think your stats are wrong. I was at the Cache County Fair this weekend and I saw more adults with cotton candy than kids. I started counting the number of vendors selling the stuff and I lost track around 9 or 10. There were 3 booths that were JUST selling cotton candy and nothing else.
DeleteI’m 43 and I absolutely want Cotton Candy now!!
ReplyDeleteI can relate to Skylar's situation of someone licking his palm on the bus. I used to take the bus pretty regularly, and one time I saw a man eat a WHOLE container of frosting, yes frosting, with his fingers! Not with a spoon. With his FINGERS! It was gross, but I kept looking because I was so surprised.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe you were at a party with adults and none of them wanted cotton candy. I love it, but I feel like it is a waste and not adulty to buy it for myself, so if someone else provided it, I would be all over it. Also, sometimes my husband buys weird things to take to parties with the secret hope that no one will eat it so we can bring it home-- are you 100% sure this isn't one of those situations?
ReplyDeleteThis story is amazing! I'm fascinated with antiques, I would've loved to see her movie program collection! And what a miraculous story.
ReplyDeleteI've been wondering why no one touched the cake and now I'm wondering if they thought maybe it was someone's birthday they forgot (and hence were feeling guilty about it) and were waiting for everyone to sing Happy Birthday (badly because there is no good way to sing that song) so they would know whose birthday it was. But no one ever did - so the cake went untouched.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I remotely relate to is that cookies don't scream taco bar and I would have looked for something to go with the theme of the party... And I would have gone with tres leches. I thought Skylar baked? Tres leches ain't hard. Next time.
ReplyDeleteProof that Skylar isn't the only one loving the cotton candy: https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=2160064840907955&id=1466985283336295
ReplyDeletePS - I think his reasoning is perfectly valid. And I'm pretty sure that being told to supply "a sweet treat" would have led me to purchase Dum Dum lollipops or something else made entirely of sugar. "Some dessert kind of thing" would have been my cue for cookies/cake.
Note - we went to some friends' house last night for a gathering and we were asked to bring something sweet. I made (loose definition of that term) some cookies but only because I legit couldn't find any cotton candy in the store . . .
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